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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU...to consider quitting my job and going on benefits for the first year of DC's life?

65 replies

ConfusedPreggo · 03/12/2011 01:50

Namechanged.

Am single, young-ish, and pregnant. My job is ok, but not extremely lucrative nor satisfying. I live in a country where there is no mandatory maternity leave, and none of it paid. I would be able to take 5 weeks at my current job maximum.

I studied child development at university and have longed for a child of my own for quite awhile, but the thought of having to leave them at 5 weeks in full time nursery is making me seriously Sad.

If I quit my job, I could go on benefits as a single mother, and there is an initiative in the town I live in for single mothers to live independently yet in a group of flats where they provide full-time education (free) and you can take the children with you to the uni classes. I would like to retrain, although that will take 2 years. I really, really want to be home as long as possible, 12 months ideally, although I suppose 6 months would be ok as it's what I'm used to being a British ex-pat. My elderly mother lives here to provide me with emotional support and occasionaly babysitting, although she is not able to care for an infant full time or even part time.

AIBU? I will take the flaming if so. Just the thought of leaving my helpless tiny baby in nursery (0 nannies here, literally) makes me so so so Sad

OP posts:
CrumbsOnTheFloor · 03/12/2011 14:12

Definitely do it if you are entitled. I would.

EdlessAllenPoe · 03/12/2011 14:13

in the UK, you wouldn't need to do this, you could just take 1 years mat leave and you would get mat bens/ CTX/IS/ CHB for the first nine months and CTX/IS/CHB for the last three...and then you could return to your job, possibly on reduced hours with income supplemented by benefits.

so, which country is it that give 5 weeks mat leave, but an apparently generous training-to-work scheme for single mums? or is it just a local thing?

TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 14:15

Only five weeks ML is brutal really, considering what we get here (or rather what the majority of us get), but I can't really support someone choosing to live off benefits if they have another choice, which the OP does.

I also don't believe that scheme runs quite as the OP has taken it to. It doesn't seem like it would be financially viable without heavy restrictions. My guess is if it actually does exist in some form, it will be for those without a university education already and those who didn't choose to live off of benefits. I also gather that the OP is probably not a citizen of the country she lives in, and that would likely place restrictions on the scheme as well.

threefeethighandrising · 03/12/2011 19:58

"I can't really support someone choosing to live off benefits if they have another choice, which the OP does." so the state is right no matter what? even if it's sending a mother back to work at 5 weeks?!!

threefeethighandrising · 03/12/2011 20:02

Personally I think it's absolutely, completely inhumane to separate a mother from her child unwillingly at 5 weeks and anyone would be justified in going onto benefits if they could in this situation. (Don't the make some moms on welfare go to work not long after that in the states?)

I would also like to know where this is, I'm a bit Hmm too, although happy to be corrected!

MrsMcEnroe · 03/12/2011 20:07

I'd like to know if the OP knew about the 5-week ML policy before she chose to get pregnant.

Actually no, I wouldn't, I'm pretty sure this thread is a wind-up.

ScarlettIsWalking · 03/12/2011 20:12

I think you should do it - stay with your baby for the first year. It is so important.

helpmabob · 03/12/2011 20:17

Stay with your baby, you wont ever get that time back

poppy283 · 03/12/2011 20:23

Any country with those (lack of) maternity rights obviously isn't at all bothered about keeping women in work. It's great that you want to re-train but even if you didn't I'd say take them for all you're entitled to!

callmemrs · 03/12/2011 20:32

Interesting that the op hasn't been back with details !!

HalfTermHero · 03/12/2011 21:00

YANBU. Do what is right for you and your baby. You have a damn good reason to be out of work for a bit. Plenty don't, so you should not feel guilty.

mamalovesmojitos · 03/12/2011 21:09

I don't think you are being unreasonable if what you say is correct, but the whole thing sounds unbelievable!

3brokentoes · 03/12/2011 21:36

Yes go for it. Why not? All mothers should be entitled to benefits because they chose to have a child. Should they not?......

Original poster
ConfusedPreggo · 04/12/2011 11:32

Interesting I haven't been back with details? Hmm I don't want to give away my location as a quick google search would do it if I gave you details of the programme.

Thank you all so much for your input. It is really helpful and I feel much more confident about making what I believe is the right choice for me and my child.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedPreggo · 04/12/2011 11:33

And no, I had no idea about the policy...

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedPreggo · 04/12/2011 11:34

And it is a very local thing, literally down to the very small town, not nationwide by any means.

OP posts:
jellybeans · 04/12/2011 11:37

YANBU. No way would I leave a 5 week baby in a nursery. My DD was much older and she hated that and so did I. I also have studied child development which would also make me want to stay home (at least most the time) for the crucial early years!

I personally don't think it's bad for a lone mother to SAH on benefits for the first few years. I think it is work albeit unpaid. I think the society we have now isn't nessesarily the way it should be. It's all screwed up.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 04/12/2011 11:37

I'd probably do the same in your position.

If you'd be entitled to all that even though you quit rather than were sacked/ made redundant, then you're not breaking any rules.

jellybeans · 04/12/2011 11:39

'I'd like to know if the OP knew about the 5-week ML policy before she chose to get pregnant.'

Why should a woman have to deny her biological needs just because of a screwed up system/society?

Birdsgottafly · 04/12/2011 11:42

Is it early days, have you discussed any of this with the other parent of this child?

minxofmancunia · 04/12/2011 11:47

sorry but YABU, you chose to have a baby work and contribute rather than expect other people to pay for you. Although I do empathise with the situation you find yourself in.

If you leave your job of your own volition in the UK because you prefer to get other people to pay for you then you aren't entitled to benefits for some time.

Sorry this is a bugbear of mine, IMO carers don't recieve anywhere near enough in terms of benefits and support and I heard recently they're thinking of cutting their allowance still further!! Shock. That's cruel IMO, benefits should be channelled to people like that who have been dealt a very tough hand rather than people choosing not to work because of childcare Hmm

callmemrs · 04/12/2011 11:50

You don't want to give details of the location... Interesting!!

Sorry but this is either untrue, or if it is true, then its probably a pretty rubbish deal long term. How can a university course work properly with babies up to one year old toddling and crawling around, needing attention? Any proper set up would provide proper nursery facilities. Sounds like everyone gets a raw deal, babies, mums and other students. Also, what Happens when your year is up and you lose your free accommodation and have given up the job you have now?

A lot of ifs and buts!!

If you don't want a nursery, a childminder might be a good alternative for a younger baby. My first was left at 12 weeks- it was the norm in this country not that many years ago as maternity leave was a lot shorter, and no, it doesn't mean your child will grow up disadvantaged!!!

Also agree with the point about the Childs other parent. What does he feel about all this? A baby has two parents you know!

SquidgyBiscuits · 04/12/2011 11:53

What an absolute crock of shit.

Even if it were real, you choose to have a baby, whilst in employment, you bloody well fund it.

RainboweBrite · 04/12/2011 13:45

If this is true, investigate it carefully and then go for it, if it's what you want. PersonalPersonally, I respect you for your choice. You can get a job later, but you will never get the first year of your child's life back. (Feels pity for any mother who had to leave their baby in the first year.)

GypsyMoth · 04/12/2011 13:48

Nah... Just in your small town?? Don't buy this either...

What 'benefits' would you get op?