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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to be a single parent because I'm so fed up of having to manage DH too?

70 replies

Arana · 03/12/2011 00:22

The relationship is such hard work, I'm at breaking point with my own shit without having to manage him too. I shouldn't have to tell him how to parent. He should be able to come to sensible decisions himself surely?
I go for a 20 minute run once a week. Last week I came home to find both kids in the front yard metres from the road playing with buckets of rainwater. He was on the computer and had no idea where they were.
This week I came home to find him on the computer, and 2yo DD say at his feet painting the carpet. He hadn't realised. But she could have been popping paracetamols and he wouldn't have realised.
Surely it shouldn't be this hard?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 00:24

Er, being a 'single parent' is no picnic you know

You would be handing those dc over to him for his access leaving him to do all that, alone, not like you would be popping back from your run to save them is it?!?

Kayano · 03/12/2011 00:25

I suggest you look at the government taking money from kids/ line parents thread.

MidsomerM · 03/12/2011 00:26

That must be very annoying, but bear in mind that if you were a single parent you probably wouldn't be able to go for a run at all!

thenightsky · 03/12/2011 00:27

Is he doing it on purpose do you think? So you stop running.

by the way... one 20 min run a week is nowt. If you are trying to get fit, go for every other day at least.

CotesduRhone · 03/12/2011 00:30

OP, the 'single parent' line will get some people where it hurts, and they'll be inclined to not see past it. But if you post in Relationships you might be able to get some assistance on this, because it doesn't seem like your partner quite sees that he's a parent too, and needs to get his shit together.

You definitely have my sympathy.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 03/12/2011 00:30

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 03/12/2011 00:31

Your dh sounds like a dick btw, is he always like that? What's he like as a dad when you're there?

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 00:32

I have had to leave my 'running' til eldest was a teen and could babysit younger ones

Run 4x a week now...... Had to bide my time!

As I said, being a lone parent means sacrifice

AmIthatbad · 03/12/2011 00:33

Okay, be a single parent. Let's see how often you will be able to afford the time to go out running every week.

Or how often you would have the energy

I wish I could leave my DD, even for 10 mins

dreamingbohemian · 03/12/2011 00:34

Does he engage with them at all, or is he always on the computer?

Does he clean, cook, do stuff around the house?

What would he say if you asked him to stay off the computer when he's watching the kids?

Your examples are bad, but it's just two examples, is he always like this?

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 00:35

Op will be posting here moaning that her ex DH wants to introduce dc to his new woman, running will be forgotten!

dreamingbohemian · 03/12/2011 00:37

I also don't think we should assume the OP would be worse off as a single mum and have no freedom. My mum was a single parent for a while and she certainly wasn't tied to me, she left me with grandparents and friends quite often, it was fine.

LineRunnerCranberrySauce · 03/12/2011 00:37

Why is your DP such a knobber?

CotesduRhone · 03/12/2011 00:38

SaraSidle, why on earth do you want to be so unpleasant to this OP?

If you have to 'manage' an adult, in order to make sure that they don't put a child at risk, I think they're doing something wrong, personally.

yellowraincoat · 03/12/2011 00:39

Dunno why you're getting so much shit. I mean, everyone's saying "at least you can go for a run" but you can't really, can you? Not if he's not actually looking after the kids.

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 00:40

Unpleasant? More like realistic!

thenightsky · 03/12/2011 00:40

am i missing something? why shouldn't OP's DP be able to look after the DC for 20 mins a week? He is 50% a parent too surely?

blackeyedsanta · 03/12/2011 00:41

it is bloody hard work parenting with someonne like this. dc took off her nappy and spread poo around the living room while h was supposedly watching her in the same room. I had to give up leaving the children with him, unless ds was having a nap strapped into his car seat and unable to get out and endanger himself. i would take dd with me to go shopping.

to be honest, it is hard both ways. it is hard to supervise an adult caring for the children as technically you can not tell them what to do but have to be on hand to prevent accidents and watch out for danger. however, you would not have to send the children for access visits if you are together.

as a single parent you do not get much time off and are wworse off financially.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 03/12/2011 00:43

Probably the reason he is doing it is because he doesn't want to be left with the kids, the sly bastard. No adult could really be that thick could they?

Sloobreeus · 03/12/2011 00:43

Do all you can to convince your husband of what looking after small children involves i.e. not just leaving them to their own devices. Tell him that means shutting down the computer and either being in the room with them, even if they are watching TV, or being perhaps in the next room (if preparing food for e.g. if he is capable) and checking on them frequently. If he is in the room with them he should engage with them in a game or with Lego for e.g. or for heavens sake read them a story for 20 minutes. Is that so difficult? Some menpeople need to be told precisely what needs to be done and for how long. Being a single parent is awful - you won't get a run at all, you may have financial hardship, you will have all the managing all of the time while he does as he likes and then is possibly neglectful when the children visit him. Simply unfair if you cannot even leave children with their father for a short time. Tell him straight, using words like neglectful, irresponsible, dangerous. Or, hire a hot, male babysitter next time you go for a run and see how he likes that.

CotesduRhone · 03/12/2011 00:44

SaraSidle, so in your world 'realistic' means having to worry every second about whether your children are safe when they're with their father? Crikey.

Kewcumber · 03/12/2011 00:45

I don;t know why some of you object to this OP? I'm a single parent (truly sinlge with no expartner having DS at any time) ad this would irritate teh living bejaysus out of me.

Surely the advantage to not being single is that you can go for a run/shower/shop/fish and chips and leave the kids with their father (safely).

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 00:45

Sloo ... Being a single parent is not ''awful' ... Not at all. We don't have to put up with all the crap on the relationships section that's for sure!!

Cheating husbands
Secret mobile phones
Drink driving

Those are just 3 I have read

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 00:46

Cote... Not in my case.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 03/12/2011 00:47

Is he this much of a dick the rest of the time? Is this passive-aggressive behaviour to put you in your place and teach you that the domestic work and childcare is your job because you don't have a penis? Basically, when he is at work or interacting with other people, does he pull his weight or does he sit about with his thumb up his bum expecting everyone else to do the work?

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