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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

''I want to hurt my baby'' AIBU?

62 replies

BumWiper · 02/12/2011 19:39

I saw a programme advertised with the title ''I want to hurt my baby'' that is supposed to detail womens experiences of PND.
AIBU to think that the title is extremely offensive to anyone who has suffered PND?
In fact only a small percentage of PND sufferers experience this feeling but is in fact a symptom of extreme PND.

OP posts:
TheFeministsWife · 02/12/2011 19:40

YANBU. I had PND after having dd2 and I never wanted to hurt her. It just reinforces the stereotype.

Original poster
BumWiper · 02/12/2011 19:40

I meant to add that mental health is stigmatised enough without mothers suffering PND are going to be thought of wanting to hurt their babies.

OP posts:
MissPentChristmasBudget · 02/12/2011 19:41

I have no personal experince of PND but that title does seem a bit sensationalist.

MotherPanda · 02/12/2011 19:41

Yes and No... I think all mothers experience a desire to hurt their babies at some point (or is it just me who wants to throw dd out the window?) but PND certainly can emphasise these feelings.

The media will always pick up on the most shocking part of any mental illness - like we've seen with eating disorders .

WidowWadman · 02/12/2011 19:42

I don't think it's offensive. I think it's good that such an extreme symptom gets spelt out - so that it can be talked about and addressed, rather being declared taboo, so that women are left alone with it.

How do you know what the actual percentage of women is who have these thoughts? When there's so much shame and fear connected with verbalising it?

oflip · 02/12/2011 19:42

ahh this fucks me off so much Angry

i had pnd and never once wanted to hurt my baby, it just wasnt like that at all in any shape or form.

Animation · 02/12/2011 19:43

Yes OP I agree with you. Along a PND contiuum - wanting to hurt your baby is at the very sharp end and also very rare.

oflip · 02/12/2011 19:44

what pisses me off is that there are folk who know i had pnd and if they see this, will they think this was true of me?

racingheart · 02/12/2011 19:45

YADNBU. Yet another example of scaremongering about mental illness.

When I had PND, it wasn't diagnosed because I was repeatedly asked if I wanted to hurt my babies and answered, No, I love them, every time. I was seen by at least three different GPs. All asked that question. All decided I was fine because the desire to harm, according to some badly researched guidelines on the illness, was a key distinguishing feature between PND and baby blues or tiredness. Dangerously misleading.

GrownUpBelievesInSanta · 02/12/2011 19:46

Sometimes PND is like that though, I had obsessive thoughts about throwing mine down the stairs or out the window, and because I felt absolutely awful about the very fact that these thoughts went through my mind, I hid how I was feeling from everyone whilst the PND festered and became a postnatal psychosis and I am left with a legacy of PTSD and OCD to deal with. Titling the show that is unreasonable I think, it's a kneejerk thing to bring in viewers, but talking about that side of PND is not unreasonable.

Original poster
BumWiper · 02/12/2011 19:47

WidowWadman In my line of volunteer work I have access to statistics of PND,mainly localised.I was also part of a huge study into PND and work closely with many groups supporting women and families with PND.

OP posts:
MixedClassBaby · 02/12/2011 19:48

YANBU. Agree that it reinforces an unhelpful stereotype.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/12/2011 19:48

Why would somebody think that the title applies to them if it didn't? Surely people aren't so stupid as to think that every woman suffering from PND wanted to hurt their baby? That's as crass as saying that every person suffering from depression wants to kill themselves. Hmm

I just don't believe that the public at large are that stupid and truthfully, I don't care what individuals who might be that stupid, actually think.

Sensationalist certainly, but so is this thread... just serves to draw attention too and makes me very angry.

mrsjay · 02/12/2011 19:49

I had Pnd and never wanted to hurt my baby i wanted somebody to take her away instead PND is the pitts it is a horrible and a misunderstood illness , like with any mental health issue , people always hear of the extremes , YANBU to think this is an extreme title , although it is strong enough a title to make people watch it ,

MudAndGlitter · 02/12/2011 19:50

I wanted to push the pushchair under a bus Blush it does happen, yes the title may be a bit off but it would have reassured me I wasn't alone in my feelings

cocoachanneloffestivecheer · 02/12/2011 19:50

MotherPanda. It's certainly not just you. Exhausted to the point of madness, with a screaming child who wont settle whatever you do, I have often thought that whilst I would never, never hurt my daughter, I can understand how those in a very fragile state may snap Sad I hated myself for these thoughts until I confided in DH who admitted he felt the same sometimes. I'd never tell anyone else in RL though, which is probably not a good thing as talking more openly aboutbthisnstuff may actually help people.

Having said that, I know nothing about PND other than what I read on here and the five minute session on it at my antenatal class, but if it is not a primary symptom of the illness it shouldn't be used in this sensationalist way.

LineRunnerSolsticeLover · 02/12/2011 19:51

I had PND and I never thought about hurting my baby.

This sort of crap could put women off getting help. And make things more difficult for them with paranoid relatives and the odd unhelpful person in authority.

IneedAChristmasNickname · 02/12/2011 19:51

I had PND and never wanted to hurt my baby. The title doesn't annoy me though, as I think people need to know that it CAN happen. I guess as long as the programme shows that not all Mums with PND have such extreme feelings, then it's ok.

LineRunnerSolsticeLover · 02/12/2011 19:52

So why call it, 'I need help to cope with my baby'?

LineRunnerSolsticeLover · 02/12/2011 19:52

Why not| call it. Sorry.

Original poster
BumWiper · 02/12/2011 19:53

GrownUp I completly agree that it should be talked about but titling a show as such just seems very wrong to me,and not at all positive for those currently suffering.
One thing I implore during my talks is that with help you can recover.It might not be today or tomorrow but you will recover.But I suppose a title of ''My experience of PND'' isn't as catchy to the shock and awe audience.

OP posts:
cocoachanneloffestivecheer · 02/12/2011 19:55

Sorry, just to clarify in case anybody misinterprets my post. When I say to the 'point of madness', I am articulating how I felt and certainly wouldn't use that word to describe anyone, with any type, of mental illness.

Apologies if anyone is offended by the term.

WidowWadman · 02/12/2011 19:56

Bumwiper - are there any estimates of how high the percentage of women is who has these thoughts but daren't admit them, for fear of being judged/having her baby taken away or whatever? Genuine question. I just think it's very hard to get hard numbers on peoples thoughts.

cocoachanneloffestivecheer · 02/12/2011 19:59

OP, have you complained to the channel? I can't find any reference to this programme online. I wondered whether any of the charities who support those with PND had complained. (Obviously not asking for you to advertise as it sounds like it's sensationalist nonsense).

GrownUpBelievesInSanta · 02/12/2011 19:59

When I mentioned these obsessive thoughts about hurting my baby (which eventually morphed into my baby is possessed and wants to hurt me) the psychiatrist said that they are actually quite common thoughts that people have, it's understanding that they are just thoughts that is important.

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