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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

''I want to hurt my baby'' AIBU?

62 replies

BumWiper · 02/12/2011 19:39

I saw a programme advertised with the title ''I want to hurt my baby'' that is supposed to detail womens experiences of PND.
AIBU to think that the title is extremely offensive to anyone who has suffered PND?
In fact only a small percentage of PND sufferers experience this feeling but is in fact a symptom of extreme PND.

OP posts:
Original poster
BumWiper · 02/12/2011 20:01

Funnily enough not being a person in authority I find women divulge more to me about their experiences.Yes I do realise that many may not report these feelings but I still don't think it should be used in such a crass way.It deserves sensitivity,support,understanding and most importantly positivity.

OP posts:
TruthSweet · 02/12/2011 20:02

I had PND-OCD and whilst I had multiple (at worst 100+ per day) Intrusive Thoughts of harm coming to my babies (be it at my hands or through accidents) they were never things I wanted to do - just things I saw in my head - my worst nightmares, things I feared but not things I wanted.

It meant when I did the Edinburgh PND test at the GPs I didn't tick the 'Have you wanted to harm your baby or yourself' box even though I had very serious suicide plans (had daily urges to off myself) as well as the ITs so I didn't get picked up as having severe PND-OCD just mild PND.

Wanting to hurt your baby is very, very different from having Intrusive Thoughts about harm or from having suicidal ideation.

Making out PND is about hurting (or wanting to hurt) your baby is going to seriously discourage women from seeking help and possible more lives being lost to PND.

Original poster
BumWiper · 02/12/2011 20:05

Theres a difference in a sleep deprived thought and an obessive thought.

Its on one of the lifestyle type channels.

OP posts:
marzipananimal · 02/12/2011 20:07

I don't like the title.

However, I had moments of wanting to hurt my baby and I didn't have PND. I thought it was fairly normal Blush. Like when you're utterly sleep deprived and they won't stop crying, I kind of wanted to put a pillow over his head. Obviously I didn't do it but I thought it was a pretty normal thing to feel?

BrianAndHisBalls · 02/12/2011 20:17

Truthsweet - that's exactly what I had:

"I had PND-OCD and whilst I had multiple (at worst 100+ per day) Intrusive Thoughts of harm coming to my babies (be it at my hands or through accidents) they were never things I wanted to do - just things I saw in my head - my worst nightmares, things I feared but not things I wanted".

I never wanted to hurt dd, just worried constantly that something might happen even though I didn't want to do it, what if I did it while sleep walking etc etc

OCD sucks.

I did however want her to disappear on quite a few occasions, mainly at 3am Grin

SardineQueen · 02/12/2011 20:18

It depends how you take it.

Many people have had a strong urge to fling their baby out of the window when they won't stop crying after a few night of no sleep, even without PND.

An actual desire to hurt is a different thing entirely.

It's not clear what they mean TBH.

SardineQueen · 02/12/2011 20:20

The title could be taken to have overtones of sadistic abuse (not to put too fine a point on it) which absolutely should not be conflated with PND.

clamato · 02/12/2011 20:26

it is spectacularly unhelpful and only goes further to stigmatise women with PND.

No woman wants to admit to having the 'baby-hurting disease' so more will suffer silently as these stereotypes are perpetuated.

CreamolaFoamless · 02/12/2011 20:28

I never had PND but my sister did.

Thankfully she got through it but at her worst moment she told her husband that she wanted to just push the pram out the window (she was 5 stories up ) and felt the baby wasn't hers .

It must be such a horrible thing to experience

She didn't want to kill or harm the baby she just wanted it to go away

I hope this programme doesn't make light or mock such a serious issue

BrianAndHisBalls · 02/12/2011 20:30

Sardine - very good point, I think its totally different to just want the baby to be quiet, eg fleeting thoughts of pillow over head, baby out window etc etc than actual hurt.

squeakytoy · 02/12/2011 20:35

But if the programme is specifically about women who had PND and did want to harm their child, then the title is correct.

And if the programme itself helps the women who have/do feel this way, then it is serving its' purpose.

I think it is unfair to judge a programme purely on the title. At least watch it to be able to give a balanced opinion.

gothicangel · 02/12/2011 20:45

ive had pnd, (stil have it) and i have NEVER wanted to hurt my children!

x

EllenandBump · 02/12/2011 20:50

There is more than just one symptom of PND and if they are going to educate people, they need to know ALL of the symptoms or it will go undetected in a lot of women or else people with post natal depression are going to be labelled as bad horrid nasty parents, which quite often doesnt help post natal depression. I admit, i did sometimes feel like that, but if i had known the symptoms, i would have got help a long time before i did, i look back now and know when exactly i got really ill. xxx

TruthSweet · 02/12/2011 20:52

Brian - sorry you had it too. It really sucks doesn't it. I hope you have recovered now.

BrianAndHisBalls · 02/12/2011 20:54

TS - I'm over the pnd thank you but still have ocd, I take citalopram for it so its not too bad, what about you?

TruthSweet · 02/12/2011 21:01

I'm still have the occasional depressive episodes (cos I'm fun like that!) but have OCD (I had it before the DDs but put it all down to personality 'quirks'). I take Sertraline which keeps most of it at bay as did the CBT course I did. I just need to stop the trich. but I've done that for 15+ years so it's not going to happen overnight.

The obsessions to do with the DDs have diminished but I still have bad days.

I sound like a right delight don't I?

Moominsarescary · 02/12/2011 21:12

Agree with squeaky if that's how the women on the program felt

It may be an emotive title but hopefully it will draw attention to the fact that some women suffering from PND have these feelings, thoughts of hurting your baby s staboo subject that programs like this drawing attention to it are surely a good thing.

Obviously many women suffer from PND and don't have these feelings , but for those that do it's such a relief to realise you are not the only one.

BrianAndHisBalls · 02/12/2011 21:22

You're sounding as fun as me Truth Grin I have days when I'm not obsessing and on those days I'm the life and soul of the party Grin

SardineQueen · 02/12/2011 21:24

If the program is about post partum psychosis OTOH, then that might be a different kettle of fish. That really is a condition that is little understood but again the psychosis might manifest itself in a number of ways.

I suspect the title is sensationalist in order to garner viewers, as goes on so much these days.

SardineQueen · 02/12/2011 21:27

Sorry didn't put that right.

It would be useful to have a program about post partum psychosis as that really is little understood and hardly mentioned.

I don't know much about it but it is an extreme psychiatric condition where people can be violent towards those around them - partner, baby, themselves. And is a post partum thing.

i didn't mean to say that people who have suffered this always want to hurt their babies.

thisisyesterday · 02/12/2011 21:33

i have never had PND, but have suffered from depression on and off for years and years and years.

i DID want to hurt ds2, because he wjust cried ALL the time. literally. hours and hours and hoursx and hours of non-stop crying and screaming and there were times when I seriously thought I was goign to harm him and had to get DP to come home from work.

I don't think that sensationalising this kind of thing helps though

WillowFae · 02/12/2011 21:45

I had PND and to be honest I wanted to hurt MYSELF, not my baby!

Moominsarescary · 02/12/2011 21:51

I don't think the title is offensive, people are always quick to say they suffered PND but never thought about harming their baby but for some women those 6 words are the secret they keep to themselves because they are worried people will find it offensive, or will judge them or think badly of them.

AntiqueAnteater · 02/12/2011 22:03

i dont spose the baby feels that chuffed either

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 02/12/2011 22:08

YANBU talk about reinforcing the stigma. Sad

I'm on ADs for PND for the second time and I've never, ever had an urge to hurt either of my DC in any way at all. Other people, sure, mainly family members who hold ignorant views about PND and depression in general.