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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross with B/SIL and WWYD?

67 replies

LorelaisMommy · 02/12/2011 15:57

Ok, so DB lives 4 hours away with his two children, 3 and 1. DM/DD live an hour away and we have two kids, 2 and 2 months. Due to DBs' work, they are driving over to Moms in a couple of weeks and we're doing the 'Christmas thing'. Mom is cooking and we're all getting together for a couple of days as neither us or DM/DD get over to see DB as often as we would like.
DB has decided this year that we won't be opening presents as he doesn't want to explain to DN that Santa has come twice.
My Mom and I are gutted, as is Dad and my DH. We have all picked lovely presents for the kids (grown-ups get pennies of my parents, my brother and I don't do gifts now for each other, just for the kids) and I want to see my niece open them! Also, it means my DD won't be able to open her presents without upsetting DN. DB has said he will keep the pressies till we go over, but we've only been over three times this year and I don't know when we'll go again. We will go, but it may be summer, by which time DN will have grown out of his present!
Mom has asked me not to say anything to DB, my DH is determined that our DD will open her presents in front of the people who've bought them for her, and I'm kinda stuck in the middle - mad at my brother, but not wanting to rock the boat! Help!!!

OP posts:

fluffyanimal · 02/12/2011 16:02

Just say the presents aren't from santa, they are from the grandparents. Simple. But in general I don't believe in getting offended if people don't open a present in front of you. If you really want to give the present, it shouldn't make any difference whether you witness their delight and gratitude or not.

onemoreminute · 02/12/2011 16:03

All presents that get given to us and our children go under the the tree until christmas day. Are you see them before or after christmas ?

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/12/2011 16:06

Sorry this doesn't make much sense. When are you seeing DB and DN?

Original poster

LorelaisMommy · 02/12/2011 16:06

We are seeing them before Christmas.
The thing is, as we see them so little, we don't get to see them playing with/wearing anything we've bought them and it's begining to feel like 'why bother?'

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 02/12/2011 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollymole · 02/12/2011 16:09

Christmas presents are for Christmas day - sorry if that's not what you want to hear. You buy the children gifts because you want them to be enjoyed by the child, why should you not seeing them playing/wearing them matter.

onemoreminute · 02/12/2011 16:12

Could you arrange to skype on christmas day if it really bothers you and the children open your presents then?

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/12/2011 16:12

In that case I think YABU. This year we are just have Christmas at home me, DH and 2 DCs. We are seeing all close family members (my parents, DSis and BIL and PILs) before Christmas they will give us the presents for us and the children to bring back here and we will open them on Christmas day telling the DCs who they are from. We will then call or write to say thank you. This seems fair enough to me. If you let children open their Christmas presents before Christmas day this takes the shine off the day IMO. I understand you'd like to see DN open his presents but unless you see him on Xmas day or perhaps Boxing Day that's probably not going to happen. Perhaps you could invite everyone to yours next year?

Scholes34 · 02/12/2011 16:19

We have to travel three hours to see B/SIL and my parents. We always see each other after Christmas if we're not spending Christmas Day together. If we were to meet before, I would not suggest opening presents early. It's just not the done thing IMO.

I think your DH is being a little unhelpful in his attitude.

pranma · 02/12/2011 16:23

The presents I buy for dgc are all from Santa until they stop believing in him.I dont want to be thanked,I want to keep the magic going.In your case I would take additional small gifts for your family get together-just so all dc have something on the day but save real pressies for Christmas day.

LydiaWickham · 02/12/2011 16:25

YABU - Christmas gifts were always opened on or after Christmas day in our house growing up, will be for DS. As for "why bother" surely the DNs will enjoy the gifts? That's why you should bother? Surely the point of giving a gift is for the recipiant to enjoy it, not for the giver to feel good about giving the gift. Does it only count if your DNs are seen by you enjoying the gifts? What about their enjoyment of your gifts for the rest of the time?

If it matters so much that you 'see them open the gifts' make the effort to go to visit in January, or get DB to video it.

HoHoOpotomus · 02/12/2011 16:28

YABU - do you really buy gifts for the glow you get when the kids play with them? Do you fall down in despair if the presents are discarded and not played with immediately?

I really don't understand why you are getting in a tiz about this. Focus on the precious time you have with your family - create moments and memories on actual experiences you share, beyond the bloody presents, rather than getting annoyed with your family because you somehow feel deprived!! They will last much longer that any gift you could give.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 02/12/2011 16:31

Christmas presents get opened AT CHRISTMAS. Not two weeks before.

YABU.

TracyK · 02/12/2011 16:33

I don't see the point in making it a Xmas dinner/lunch/ocassion way before Xmas. if its not the 25th or 26th or 27th- its just a get together with a meal! Therefore no Xmas pressie opening!
It would be confusing for the young kids to have 'Xmas day' too early and then again on the 25th.
Could you not get a meal in a hotel for you all mid way between you on the 25/26/27th?

CupOfGoodCheer · 02/12/2011 16:33

YABU. Swap gifts then everyone opens them on Christmas morning in their own houses.

It's what everyone does! (isn't it?")

HeadfirstForHalos · 02/12/2011 16:33

YABU. Xmas presents are for Xmas day. I can see why they can't be arsed with explaining to his kids why they are opening presents early especially as the reason is that it's for the benefit of the adults

TracyK · 02/12/2011 16:35

And tbh - if I don't see the kids 25-27th - they don't get anything! They get enough from their parents (although they all live within an hour) and if they don't make the effort to come to us or invite us over on or around the day - then I don't bother.

Nospringflower · 02/12/2011 16:35

YANBU - we do the same thing. We meet up with my partners family for a Christmas get together a couple of weeks before Christmas and we all open our christmas presents on the day - children and adults. It makes it a fun day and everyone enjoys it. It seems like a double Christmas. Last year by bro and sis in law asked us not to and it ruined it - made it not so christmassy so this year we are back to opening them . If your brother is worried about saying Santa came twice he can just say these arent from Santa, they're from Auntie Lorelies Mummy and Granny.

Lizzylou · 02/12/2011 16:39

YABU, Christmas is all about the children and their belief in Father Christmas shouldn't be jeopoardised so that you can see them open presents early.
And the "why bother" comment about buying presents that you don't get to see used is just immature and mean imo. Hardly in the spirit, is it?

Sorry, you did ask!

IloveJudgeJudy · 02/12/2011 16:39

YANBU. We used to have two Christmases - one with (D)F's parents two weeks or so before Christmas and one with DM's parents and all the cousins at Christmas. We did used to open our presents before Christmas so that our GPs could see our joy at what they'd bought us (very dangerous tin toys from Hong Kong with edges that would cut a child's flesh very easily).

I think your DB is being unreasonable. It would be different if you all got together every month, but you don't. I think your DB can decide what he wants to do, but why do his wishes out-trump your DH's and yours? If you want your DD to open her presents, and your parents do, too, then why not?

Anniegetyourgun · 02/12/2011 16:40

We have this argument every year, don't we? Santa brings Christmas stockings. It's in the poem fgs! It must be true! People can give presents as well, of course they can, just like they do for birthdays. It is the spirit of Santa Claus that inspires us to exchange gifts - his good example. I really do not see how admitting that real human beings give presents too is spoiling the magic.

However I am fully with those who say the point of giving gifts is to give them, not to get feedback, nice though that is, and it does spoil proceedings if you open presents ridiculously early. Can you not imagine their excited faces? I thought imagination was what it was all about...

Anniegetyourgun · 02/12/2011 16:41

Oi, my link failed :(

this poem

stupid space in wrong place.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/12/2011 16:41

YABU, Christmas is for the children, it's not really about you.

IloveJudgeJudy · 02/12/2011 16:41

Forgot to say, not all presents are from Santa, some are from Auntie Jean and the cousins, some are from neighbour...

In our house, only the presents from the parents are from Father Christmas. All other presents are from the people who gave them.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/12/2011 16:43

Nospring - that's OK as long as everyone is agreed the family presents should be opened then. But here OP's DB doesn't want his kids to open presents before Christmas. His call I think and what a lot of people here would also do.

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