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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross with B/SIL and WWYD?

67 replies

LorelaisMommy · 02/12/2011 15:57

Ok, so DB lives 4 hours away with his two children, 3 and 1. DM/DD live an hour away and we have two kids, 2 and 2 months. Due to DBs' work, they are driving over to Moms in a couple of weeks and we're doing the 'Christmas thing'. Mom is cooking and we're all getting together for a couple of days as neither us or DM/DD get over to see DB as often as we would like.
DB has decided this year that we won't be opening presents as he doesn't want to explain to DN that Santa has come twice.
My Mom and I are gutted, as is Dad and my DH. We have all picked lovely presents for the kids (grown-ups get pennies of my parents, my brother and I don't do gifts now for each other, just for the kids) and I want to see my niece open them! Also, it means my DD won't be able to open her presents without upsetting DN. DB has said he will keep the pressies till we go over, but we've only been over three times this year and I don't know when we'll go again. We will go, but it may be summer, by which time DN will have grown out of his present!
Mom has asked me not to say anything to DB, my DH is determined that our DD will open her presents in front of the people who've bought them for her, and I'm kinda stuck in the middle - mad at my brother, but not wanting to rock the boat! Help!!!

OP posts:

fridakahlo · 04/12/2011 05:10

Sorry but in our house father christmas is like a magical equivalent of fed-ex. As far as DD is concerned we/the rellies buy the presents then they get translocated up to the North Pole in order to be giftwrapped and delivered all at the same time, christmas day. DS is too young to worry about the process, beyond going through the toy cataloges and demanding anything that vaguely resembles a mode of transport toy.
And no opening anything before christmas day, sacrilage!

civilfawlty · 04/12/2011 05:45

I agree with Ilovejudgejudy. YANBU

ScroobiousPip · 04/12/2011 06:09

Blimey, I thought I'd seen it all but I've never heard of Father Christmas as the arctic fed-ex!! It sounds quite complicated. Here Father Christmas brings a stocking and that's it. All presents under the tree are from the person named on the tag.

OP, could you perhaps agree with your DB that the children will all open one small present each on the day that you get together (apart from anything, it'll keep them quiet ) but then take the rest home to be opened on Xmas day?

iscream · 04/12/2011 06:11

It isn't the whole "Christmas thing" if you don't let them open something.
Why not compromise and allow them to open just one present, and bring the rest home for CD?

iscream · 04/12/2011 06:12

PS. You can always have a video present opening to see your db's kids opening their presents and vice versa, on the day.

iscream · 04/12/2011 06:14

Sorry ScroobiousPip, I just realized I posted the same thing that you did right before me.

ScroobiousPip · 04/12/2011 06:17

Great minds and all that.

iscream · 04/12/2011 06:26

I almost posted "great minds"

twooter · 04/12/2011 07:32

My dcs got presents from my parents last week and owned them then,mainly to give my parents the pleasure of seeing them play with them. I don't see a problem with it- they're getting far more use out of them than if they were just part of the Xmas pile.

And I really don't get the' all presents from santa' thing

Maryz · 04/12/2011 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pooka · 04/12/2011 10:07

Yes Maryz - will somebody think of the poor reindeer!

Advantage of this school of thought is that when no one in the house believes, you can cut out the fc presents! grinch

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 04/12/2011 10:46

I agree with those that say Christmas presents are for CHristmas therefore YABU and your DH is being incredibly rude and childish.
When the dc were a bit younger if we seen someone before Christmas and they gave the dc their present the dc got to open them. Not particularly so the giver could see their face but because the dc were very young and got so much on christmas day it could be overwhelming for them.
Now they are a little older and get Christmas a bit more they take everything home and it goes under the tree until Christmas and they get told who it is from and thank them later on.

The only 1 present they get before is on Christmas Eve when we see my best friend and her dc and we have a little tea for the children and as we usually give each others jammies or something that would be nice to have/use on Christmas Eve and that is the beginning of Christmas for us.

festi · 04/12/2011 11:00

My dd is having a mini christmas with her dad and his partner and kids today as he is not in the country for christmas this year, they will be exchanging and opening gifts today.

sayithowitis · 04/12/2011 11:14

Ineedacleaner..... the difference is that you tell your dcs who their gifts are from, whereas it sounds as though the OP's B and SIL are telling their children that gifts from other people are in fact, also from Santa.

Personally, I was always happy for DCs to open gifts early if that meant the giver could see their reaction. I think it is part of giving a gift, to see it opened and enjoyed by the recipient.

It is of course, entirely up to the OP's DB whether he chooses to allow his Dcs to open their presents early. But it is not his decision whether the OP's DC is allowed to open their gifts. That is for OP and her DH to decide, and if the DB does not like it - tough!

slavetofilofax · 04/12/2011 11:19

Sounds to me like your DB and his wife want their dc to have a load of presents for their children to wake up to on Christmas morning, but want everyone else to pay for it. Very selfish imo.

I think it's wierd when families say that everything came from Santa. Apart from anything else, it's rude, because they don't get to thank the right people. And especially if they are aware that their family is taking presents to give to others, won't they wonder why thay haven't got any from their family.

I would make a point of giving the presents you have bought to the children, and if their parents say they can't open them until Christmas, that's their problem. But at least your DN's will know the presents came from you. Otherwise, don't give them anything.

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 12:11

Christmas presents on Christmas Day with a thank you soon after, presents are for them not you.

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 12:13

That is weird, we always had our sack from FC full of little bits, tree presents were from the people on the tag.

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