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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with B/SIL and WWYD?

67 replies

LorelaisMommy · 02/12/2011 15:57

Ok, so DB lives 4 hours away with his two children, 3 and 1. DM/DD live an hour away and we have two kids, 2 and 2 months. Due to DBs' work, they are driving over to Moms in a couple of weeks and we're doing the 'Christmas thing'. Mom is cooking and we're all getting together for a couple of days as neither us or DM/DD get over to see DB as often as we would like.
DB has decided this year that we won't be opening presents as he doesn't want to explain to DN that Santa has come twice.
My Mom and I are gutted, as is Dad and my DH. We have all picked lovely presents for the kids (grown-ups get pennies of my parents, my brother and I don't do gifts now for each other, just for the kids) and I want to see my niece open them! Also, it means my DD won't be able to open her presents without upsetting DN. DB has said he will keep the pressies till we go over, but we've only been over three times this year and I don't know when we'll go again. We will go, but it may be summer, by which time DN will have grown out of his present!
Mom has asked me not to say anything to DB, my DH is determined that our DD will open her presents in front of the people who've bought them for her, and I'm kinda stuck in the middle - mad at my brother, but not wanting to rock the boat! Help!!!

OP posts:
Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/12/2011 16:46

Ilove - I think DB's wishes trump OPs because he is the advocating opening the presents on Xmas day which is the norm. Anything that is not the norm has to agreed to by all parties.

mumofthreekids · 02/12/2011 16:56

It sounds to me as though both DB and DH are BU - because DB "has decided" it will be this way and DH "is determined that our DD will open her presents" anyway.

The thing is - it doesn't really matter who is 'right' and who is 'wrong' about the optimum time to open presents - it's really not important. You say "we're all getting together for a couple of days as neither us or DM/DD get over to see DB as often as we would like" so it sounds like you all get on well, which is great and certainly not true for everyone, as you can tell from reading some of the Christmas threads on here!

Have a lovely celebration and try not to let this spoil it.

ajandjjmum · 02/12/2011 16:59

My SIL always liked the DC to open the presents when she brought them to us, normally a week or so before Christmas. They knew that the presents under the tree from friends and relatives should be opened with those from Father Christmas on Christmas Day, and felt uncertain as to whether to do what 'auntie' said, or do what Mum and Dad prefer. Just was always a bit awkward, although we never made a fuss. TBH it would be better to give and open after Christmas, if you really want to see the grand unveiling!

Maryz · 02/12/2011 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/12/2011 17:11

Maryz - there's no harm with that. I think you can do what you like with your own DC's but OP would be being unreasonable to force her wishes onto her DB as to how he should treat his DCs.

Maryz · 02/12/2011 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/12/2011 17:26

Maryz - I agree that would be fine as long as the adults are happy to explain the difference in presents to the children.

Primrose123 · 02/12/2011 17:35

In our house, the stockings are from Father Christmas, and the presents are from family and friends.

elfyrespect · 02/12/2011 18:00

I also think you should swap the presents to take away and put under the tree til xmas day. They're not from Santa though - they're from whoever they're from.
In our house the presents you wake up to are from Santa and I try and hold off the presents from friends/relatives (under the tree) until after lunch.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/12/2011 18:12

YABU - Christmas pressies are for Christmas day, regardless of when you get given them.

lurkinginthebackground · 02/12/2011 19:28

Christmas presents are for Christmas day - sorry if that's not what you want to hear. You buy the children gifts because you want them to be enjoyed by the child, why should you not seeing them playing/wearing them matter.

I agree with MollyMole.

Original poster
LorelaisMommy · 03/12/2011 19:43

Thanks for the replies.
I hadn't heard of the whole stocking from Santa thing. Think I will go down that route with my two, and just hide my dissapointment at not seeing the kids open theirs. We will be seeing my Mom and Dad on Boxing Day so will save their pressies for then.
I know I came across abit childish, it just upset me that DB was moving the goalposts as they all opened their pressies last year at the same time. There's no way I would let my DD open hers infront of her cousins if they weren't allowed to open theirs. That's just not fair!

OP posts:
Multigrain · 03/12/2011 19:51

YANBU

Tomorrow is the first day of presents in this house.

We are seeing my father, and we won't see him until after my youngest's birthday just before christmas, so tomorrow he will get his birthday present and will play with it with his gps so they can see his joy.

Then next week we will see my ILs and they will give him his birthday presents and he'll open them with them.

Then the following week, it's his birthday so he'll have his presents from us.

Then the following day it's his party so he'll open his presents from his friends.

At some point during this we'll see my mother, and he'll open that present then.

Then it will be another 2 weeks of Christmas present opening.

So much better than a huge day of present opening where they get overwhelmed.

We did that one year, and by the end of the day, the children really didn't want to open the presents, just due to quantity, and were looking at presents without really looking at them.

Doing it the way we do now, means each present is concentrated on.

breatheslowly · 03/12/2011 20:29

If all of your DN's presents come from Santa, how will she know to thank you and when she is old enough to send you a thank you letter? I think it is really presumptuous of your DB to take your presents for DN and pretend they came from Santa. I think it should only be parents who buy Santa presents.

2rebecca · 03/12/2011 23:19

I'm in the Christmas presents are for Christmas day and get delivered by santa camp. If you see relatives before Christmas it's handy because you can give the parents the presents rather than having to post them but it spoils the magic of christmas if they get opened at random days around christmas. Santa only delivers the presents though, he doesn't buy them in our house so they still have tags on. I think people who insist on making kids open presents in front of them are giving presents for the wrong reasons.
The OP's relatives can't make the OP's daughter wait to open her presents though. she can only decide what happens with her kids. Even as an adult I never open xmas presents before Christmas. It wasn't until I came on mumsnet that I realised so many people were that inpatient.

blackeyedsanta · 04/12/2011 00:17

to us it is normal to open the presents from others when they are giiven. I am with your dh. santa can deliver early/to the wrong house/you forget to send them to santa and have delivered them. it is more exciting to get presents on more than one day.

festi · 04/12/2011 00:36

I really wouldnt mind either way tbh. I get my neices presents delivered via amazon starait to them as we dont spend christmas together. I would never dream of thinking why bother as I dont get see outfits or toys being used, they are not for me, they are for the child.

I think it would be very mean and childish for your DH to make an issue over this, you can let or not let your dd open presents without being too pushy about it.

zipzap · 04/12/2011 00:42

We have a stocking and one main downstairs present from Santa. Then all others are from parents or friends, relatives etc. Dh has loads of brothers and sisters and there is invariably an Xmas eve gathering gathering organised by his mum which we have to go to. Our dc are the youngest of the tribe (even the one great-grandchild is older) so they are often given toys as presents and they do tend to open them once things wind down late afternoon and everything else has petered out.

It works really well - saves me having to cart loads of stuff up for them to play with, entertains the rest of the family watching their excitement and they get to have a bit of a kiddie Christmas experience without there being hours of present opening (can happen with big families) and they get to play with all their toys which as their dc are all at least 10-30 years older than mine they don't get to do at their own proper xmases. Seems lots of them still have fond memories of playing cars, doing jigsaws etc.:o

And as each child can easily end up with at least 8 presents just from this gathering it means they can play and appreciate the toys with the givers which everybody loves, whereas if they got them on Xmas day they would just be another set of presents to open.

pooka · 04/12/2011 00:47

I'm not letting father Christmas steal all the glory. Stocking and 1 present from him. The rest - from us/relatives and so on.

CiderwithBuda · 04/12/2011 00:58

I had never heard the whole 'all presents are from Father Christmas' till I found MN.

My nieces and nephews know that the presents I give them and my parents give are from us. Presents under tree on Xmas morning are from FC.

You lot doing otherwise don't half make it difficult fOr yourselves.!!!

How else do you explain all the adds for toys on tv coming up to Xmas?

I love the whole FC thing but believe very strongly that relatives should be thanked for presents and tha children shouldn't assume that everything comes from FC.

tigerlillyd02 · 04/12/2011 01:00

This thought has never crossed my mind. All my family exchange presents over Christmas which includes immediate and some more distant family members but they're taken to the recipients house and there's never any expectation that they're to be opened then. It's just 'known' that they're meant for Christmas - so usually whoever takes them from you puts the up ready for Christmas day.

I'd probably be taken by surprise if someone did open them there and then. I'd probably not be too bothered about it but it would seem odd.

tigerlillyd02 · 04/12/2011 01:04

Oh Santa can still deliver presents from other people you know. He collects them and takes them to the right house Grin. I assume most people put tags on presents when they give, so any child that is old enough to read will know who they're from - whether Santa delivered them or not.

Spermysextowel · 04/12/2011 04:33

Oooo Xmas blackmail! 'if I don't see the kids 25-27th they don't get anything'. Bet they love going to granny's.

HughBastard · 04/12/2011 04:44

Santa is not some kind of Arctic Fedex service.

He is a jolly old man with a workshop full of slave elves who make magical presents that look a lot like some of the stuff you can get in the argos catalogue, and he delivers them in different wrapping paper on Christmas eve so you wake up on Christmas morning with a sack full of santa loot. FACT.

Other friends and relatives may also give you presents. The biggest one is usually from your Mum and Dad until you leave home and then they can revert back to getting you a recipe book or some vaguely posh soap, and your husband can be prevailed upon to get you something small and expensive if you are childish and brattish enough, which happily I am.

Spermysextowel · 04/12/2011 05:09

I would like a brattish present but I don't have a husband anymore. Or maybe that's the present!