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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at being called by my first name?

93 replies

SenseofEntitlement · 02/12/2011 15:57

First off, I have worked in call centres, and have indeed had worse jobs. Now I don't even have a job, so I don't think I am better than the call centre staff or anything like that.

But, AIBU to really get irritated when call centre staff (and others, although IRL people don't really tend to need to call you by your name) call me by my first name, without even asking?

To me, if I saw the name "Senseof Entitlement" I would call the person Ms Entitlement, unless there was a specific title (Miss, Mrs, Dr, etc), in which case I would use that. If we got into a conversation, I might say "Do you mind if I call you Senseof?" but I certainly wouldn't just do it.

If someone asks if they can use my first name, I always say yes, but it is just polite to ask.

Obviously, if I write or speak to them first, and sign off with my first name, that is fine, and people in more informal settings/youth situations are different - ie I am involved with the youth section of a political organisation, and don't mind being called by my first name as everyone does it.

I just think that, in a customer situation, people should err on the side of politeness. Especially with things like banking, tax etc - where you need to trust in the professionalism of the organisation.

The same with medical staff, actually. I am sick of doctors doing that patronising smile at me and talking to me like a child. CHILDREN get first name in formal situations, adults get title surname until the adult says it is ok to use first name. If I went around calling doctors by their first name I would get called disrespectful - why can't I get the same courtesy?

AIBU?

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/12/2011 18:35

CHILDREN get first name in formal situations, adults get title surname until the adult says it is ok to use first name

Not so! My LO got a letter from the doctors addressed to 'Master DP's Surname' when he was three weeks old. I laughed so much at the thought of such a tiny baby getting such a formal letter.

iloverhubarb · 02/12/2011 19:12

With you OP, YANBU. My GPs seem to use my first name at the drop of a hat. They even use ilove in referral letters which I find really odd. I'm beginning to think it's practice policy. I'm a woman of 50 so not exactly a youngster.

When I had a big op recently, the consultants at the hospital called me Mrs Rhubarb, even tho I got to know them a little. I appreciated that very much, as it felt respectful and gave me equality. Many of the younger doctors and almost all nurses used my first name, without asking, and introduced themselves using their first name. This felt uncomfortable. They weren't my mates, and it felt weird to be asking to speak to Marco or Anne Marie. I needed them to be doctors, and also to respect my status in that difficult place.

IReallyHateMyCat · 02/12/2011 19:24

YANBU, but its to make you feel more "at ease" I belive. You'll buy more if you're friends Grin

Original poster
SenseofEntitlement · 02/12/2011 19:28

ilove - exactly!

OP posts:
marriedandwreathedinholly · 02/12/2011 20:15

YANBU. My doctors tend to call me nothing but the receptionists insist on using my first name or firstname marriedandwreathedinholly; occasionally I will ask "which doctor am I seeing" and when the response is: "Dr Jones, Dr Smith, Dr Brown". I generally say "oh it's Mrs marriedandwreathedinholly then". Occasionally a doctor has said hello firstname and I'm afraid I have said "I didn't catch your name" and when they have replied it's "dr arrogant sod" I've sweetly said "oh, I think it's Mrs marriedandwreathedinholly then, don't you?". Their faces are a picture. I always very politely point out that it is an equality issue.

Funny thing, never happens at the local private hospital that we use Hmm

toweraboveyou · 02/12/2011 20:21

YABU. There are worse things they can call you than your name.

jamdonut · 02/12/2011 20:30

I hate my first name being used in Doctors,Dentists etc. I am Mrs Donut. If I want you to call me by my first name,it will be when I am well aquainted with you. It is only respectful. I used to work in the NHS as an Appointments Officer, and I wouldn't dream of calling anyone by their first name. Now I work in a school...the same rule applies.

jamdonut · 02/12/2011 20:35

*except the children ,that is!Smile

SantasSnowilocks · 02/12/2011 20:38

It is for this reason that my father gets letters for 'RudelyAddressed' as he thinks it's deeply disrespectful to call him by his first name when you dont know him. He is also known by the moniker 'Goodmorrow' but that's just cos he is an eccentric Grin

cuttingpicassostoenails · 02/12/2011 20:38

My GP calls me by my first name but as all his patients use his nickname (his surname is a bit of a mouthful) I don't mind at all.

Also...I quite fancy him...he is a bit of a dish!

tigerdriverII · 02/12/2011 20:46

Phew, am relieved by the way this is going, YANBU at all. Why doesn't the training for some of the cold calls include them saying (very very quickly of course): do you mind if I call you Tiger? Had one this morning who used my first name a zillion times, and like others here I go by a nickname, so this was just annoying.

OTOH, the nice man in our village shop always calls me Mrs Driver (or Mrs D, actually), even though I say to call me Tiger (perhaps that's my mistake, call me tiger )

minxofmancunia · 02/12/2011 20:50

YABU doesn't bother me in the slightest, there's far more to manners and decorum than using a title and I'm not into all the deferential stuff. I know loads and loads of doctors and they all use their first mane with patients ie "I'm x one of the drs" not" I'm dr x"

I introduce myself to patients by my first name ie "I'm minx one of the nurses" not "I'm mrs mancunia the nurse" that would sound utterly bonkers Hmm I could ask to be called "senior sister mancunia" though that would be quite a laugh. I've met health professionals like that and everyone laughs at their ridiculous formality, it's the 21st century, we're all equals imo.

Moln · 02/12/2011 20:51

Really, people think it's rude to be called by their first name? Really? Why?

Can't actually think of the last time I was called Ms MySurname tbh. Though I'm not in the UK so might it might make a difference, but it's normal here for first names to be used

DSs call their teachers by their first names!! Well it's "Múinteoir FirstName" normally (múinteoir meaning teacher)

marriedandwreathedinholly · 02/12/2011 20:57

I have not problem with anyone using my first name if they introduce themselves with their first name and expect me to use it. I have huge problems when people want to use my first name but expect me to call them Dr something or Mrs Something. I wouldn't dream of calling my childrens' headteachers Tim or Julia and don't expect them to call me first name.

Pishtushette · 02/12/2011 21:13

I too hate the over use of the first name.

MarshaBrady · 02/12/2011 21:15

I prefer my first name. And can't stand it when callers finish every sentence with 'madam'.

I don't last long on those calls it irritates me too much.

WhereMyMilk · 02/12/2011 21:19

what I really really hate, is when I attend hospital appointments for the DC's and the Dr/nurse whoever calls me "mum" WTAF? I may be an old gimmer, but certainly not old enough to be their mother my Child's mother but not theirs, so that Mrs Milk to you Angry

ggirl · 02/12/2011 21:25

yanbu I am a nurse and always always call people mr or mrs whatever unless they insist otherwise
often if I think they feel it too formal I will ask what they would prefer to be called

usualsuspect · 02/12/2011 21:27

I cringe if anyone calls me madam

You sound ridiculous,please stop

Original poster
SenseofEntitlement · 02/12/2011 21:33

wheremymilk ooh, yes - DD1s old nursery used to do that. With her being my first baby, and her starting there at 5 months, I was too nonplussed to say anything. Do they actually teach that at childcare college or do some people just decide it is a good idea off their own bat?

OP posts:
OldMotherDismass · 02/12/2011 21:38

I get annoyed when undergraduate students call me OldMother without being invited to do so, rather than Dr. Dismass. This particularly annoys me in emails, when they then go on to write the whole thing in text speak. That is simply because I prefer to keep a professional barrier between myself and the undergraduates.

In a professional situation though, I was always taught that the more senior person is the one who invites first name terms or not i.e. if I was speaking to a Prof, I'd call them Prof so-and-so until invited to call them by their first name.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 02/12/2011 21:50

I have worked in a call centre for a well know catalogue company. We have always been taught strictly on how to address our customers.
Always Mr/Mrs/Dr X. If you are unsure of the pronunciation of their surname then we should ask the customer.
Never Sir/Madam (as that sounds impersonal).
Never use first names unless the customer asks you to.

I don't think I have ever been addressed as "Kara" by a customer service person, always as Mrs Thrace!!

maxpower · 02/12/2011 21:58

YANBU I always use Mr/Ms when addressing people at work - even if they say call me by my first name. I just feel it establishes a professional boundary.

maxpower · 02/12/2011 22:01

Should have said I agree that sir/madam doesn't work - although if a caller is irritating me, I do tend to start calling them sir/madam Grin I find it a great way to insult them politely

exoticfruits · 02/12/2011 22:10

I agree with Tidy. It all sounds a bit silly because

  1. The name I am usually known by isn't my first name.
  2. They get pronounce my surname wrongly.
  3. I would rather have it than Ms
Therefore I am not really bothered, as long as they are polite.