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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i need help

144 replies

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/12/2011 13:24

I know this should be in health but I am desperate

I just went to give blood

They turned me down because my hb is 9.5
I have never been aneamic before apart from when pg.

To me this means two things.

One is that I have let my DD down
two is that I have cancer and I am going to die after having to have terrible things done to me.

if i sound mad it is because I am.

OP posts:
WinterIsComing · 02/12/2011 13:39

Another hug from me MrsDeVere, you have absolutely NOT let your DD down. Mine was in for treatment twice this week due to gum bleeding from a natural tooth loss. She bled so much that she had that smell about her - the smell that usually accompanies the need for a transfusion and you know what? I thought of you and B. And all the good work you do here promoting blood donation.

I know it's disappointing (not to mention frightening - hope someone comes along to reassure you on that front) and yes, a difficult time of the year. But please do remember that we all remember her too. All the time. So many people have been made aware of the issue and have been prompted into action. I can't give blood myself because DD's condition is hereditary so it is no good to anyone and it really galls me. I understand that. But I am constantly on DH's case and will be on DS' when he is of an age.

Thanks Thanks Thanks

Trills · 02/12/2011 13:39

If the blood people thought you were anaemic enough for it to be a symptom of anything they would have advised you to go to a doctor.

StaceymAloneForver · 02/12/2011 13:40

your dd would be more upset at the thought of you not going to the doctors or getting the tests done than she would at you not being able to give blood

fuzzypeach1750 · 02/12/2011 13:41

No, the loss of a child never makes sense. It's unfair and awful. The feeling if helplessness is overwhelming. You blame yourself. You hate yourself. None of this is right though. You loved her more than anything, and giving blood feels like you can do something. Your time to donate will come again and it will be possible.

Would you like to talk to us about her?

nickelbabe · 02/12/2011 13:41

You are fine, I'm sure.

You just need to watch your iron intake and absorption.

(but I can understand why you are worried)

Buy some Spatone sachets or Floradix from Boot's and take it with Orange juice (preferably the not-from-concentrate stuff)
Plenty of pulses, eggs, dairy, leafy green veg.
If you're a meat-eater, then eat some red meat every day.

You're not anaemic - it would need to be a heck of a lot lower than that to be anaemic.

Oh, and lower your caffeine intake - don't drink tea or coffee within 1 hour of eating, and restrict how much chocolate you eat, too., and Cola.

DH & I had low blood once, and we managed to put it down to drinking too much tea in the winter. The next time we went o give blood, it was fine.

(the lower limit for women is 12.5 for giving blood)

Kayano · 02/12/2011 13:43

Your lovely dd (can we say her name) would be so happy and proud that you even go to try and give blood. Not everyone can all the time so please don't feel you have let her down

You absolutely have not.

And please don't think you in someway 'deserve this' please don't ever think that. You are loved by so many people inc your dd and this crazy MN community. We have all seen your strength and believe me, if you need any more we are all here to talk to MrsDV x

travellingwilbury · 02/12/2011 13:43

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this .

I am nuts about doing all that stuff too , you need someone to come with you so they can talk you down if need be and take you for cake afterwards .

I can hear the panic but honestly all it would mean to me is you are run down and a bit knackered and stupid christmas is coming .

Is anyone around in that big old real world that can come and be with you ?

nickelbabe · 02/12/2011 13:43

(i missed the post about ytou being beggie, sorry Blush)

some
links
on getting
enough iron
when you're veggie

also, make sure you get more vitamin B12 (you can take a supplement if necessary) because that has been shown to have an effect on your HB levels

nickelbabe · 02/12/2011 13:45

by the way, you're not letting your DD down.
The reason they don't let you give blood for a whole year when you're that low is because they don't want you to suffer for it.
If you had been allowed to give blood and then got ill because of it, then you might end up having to have a transfusion yourself, and then you'd never be allowed again.

You are doing the best you can, and you need to stop worrying about it.
I'm sure your DD would be proud of you.

Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/12/2011 13:48

i bought some spatone on the way home.
I am sorry that I sound stupid.
I went to give blood after my appt with the psych about ptsd re medical stuff. I walked out of the place and some chugger leapt out and me and went on about cancer and how important the charity was. then I got to the blood place and it all went from there.

I try really hard not to be like this but how can i reassure myself when it didnt work before?

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/12/2011 13:50

I have been really bad about eating lately. I can go for ages without eating. Its my own fault.

but I have always got away with it.

periods been heavier since DC5 but this one isnt too bad and they didnt think that was why.

I can never ever be calm about this ever again and its making me so tired.

OP posts:
KnottyLocks · 02/12/2011 13:50

You have not let your daughter down.

She would be immensely proud of you: I'm sure she was. The way you talk of her means her memory will live long, not only with you and your family, but also with the many of us who have ever seen your posts.

You have given blood before so have helped many that way.

You are often one of the first to offer support and advice to others on here, for which you are greatly appreciated and loved.

In no way are you letting anyone down.

You have said yourself that you have not been eating properly. Now is the time to look after yourself as well as others. Eat some proper food! And have a big hug.

RosemaryandThyme · 02/12/2011 13:50

Try these thoughts, just to get you through right now :

1 - Luekemia has several early symptoms, blood after pooing is one, easy bruising another, - do you have either of these ?

2 - Being anemic - very possibly diet related - more so given absence of any other symptoms - as others have said pick up the phone to your gp now - if you can not could you try to knock on a neighbours door ?

3 - Right now is hard, you will make it through the right now.

nickelbabe · 02/12/2011 13:55

there, see, it is your own fault Wink

eat properly - the low iron is your body's way of telling you to buck your ideas up and eat properly!

nickelbabe · 02/12/2011 13:56

you don't sound stupid ,btw.
i can't imagine what you've been going through, but I can totally understand why you're feeling this way.

Almostfifty · 02/12/2011 14:03

Lovey, if you don't eat properly and you're vegetarian and a woman, you may easily get anaemic. I was, and I eat meat and lots of green veg!

There are many, many reasons you could be anaemic, not just the one that is so obvious to you with good reason.

montmartre · 02/12/2011 14:05

MrsDV- you have had a very trying summer- you are probably just a bit run down after it all- it's hardly surprising you'd be a touch anaemic.

Particularly with what you say about your periods. Smile Please eat well, and give a little time for yourself.

or maybe you're pg again? Grin

QuickLookBusy · 02/12/2011 14:07

Oh MrsDeVere, we all understand why you feel so upset, but please remember your DD would never feel let down by you. She knows you love her more than anything and she would be more concerned that you get your iron levels up so you fell a bit better again.

You say you have heavy periods-I was the same this time last year. I thought I had something so very wrong because I felt so tired and ill all the time. I went to the Dr and actually said "I think I've got something really serious"
She did all the usual tests and found I was very aneamic. As I have heavy periods she gave me tranexamic acid. You just take them during your period and they have been amazing. Period is only half what it used to be. I also took iron tablets and after 6 months I was back to normal count.

Could anyone go to the Drs with you and wait with you?

shinyrobot · 02/12/2011 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyoneforTurps · 02/12/2011 14:13

Please don't panic. Mild anaemia is very common in women and is usually due to periods. If you haven't been eating well, this may have contributed too. Go to your GP on Monday and explain your fears which are totally understandable.

Onemorning · 02/12/2011 14:15

MrsDV (((((big unmumsnetty hugs))))

What a horrible day you've had. You haven't let your daughter down, I'm sure she would be so proud of you for giving blood when you can.

Please look after yourself and treat yourself kindly xxxx

naturalbaby · 02/12/2011 14:27

i don't know if this will help or just sound mad but does anyone else in your family give blood, or can you talk to anyone else about giving blood to make you feel a bit better? i gave blood a few weeks ago, can that count?

doesn't dark chocolate have iron in?!

ballstoit · 02/12/2011 14:28

It's only 2 o'clock sweetheart...who can ring your Dr and get you an appointment today? And then go with you?

I can't give blood at the moment because I'm waiting for treatment, but I'll nag BIL and ex-H to go next week.

There are lots of things we can help you to do over the next year while you can't give blood yourself...such as promoting Anthony Nolan Trust online registration facility...and we'll all help. But you need this reassurance first.

Your DD is proud of you, because you're her fantastic Mum and she can feel her love for you wherever she is xxx

MadamTwoSwords · 02/12/2011 14:33

I don't often post on AIBU (too scared!) but I had to answer. I have seen your posts about your daughter before and you are NOT letting her down.

Look at it another way, anaemia is often just a sign of being run down, you have admitted you don't eat great. If you didn't go to give blood for your daughter you wouldn't have picked up on it so soon when you can do something about it without getting ill. You haven't let her down and by doing something for her you have helped yourself and wouldn't that make her happy.

Spatone is amazing stuff, I have always been borderline anaemic and pregnancy pushed me over the line into it. I drank some of that every day and went from being told I would probably need a transufsion after birth to almost within normal levels.

I know it is easy for us on here to say don't worry but really, once you have had a mug of tea Wine it will seem clearer

Original poster
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/12/2011 14:39

Thank you all so much.

I do feel embarrassed. I am a very controlled (too controlled) person but I really cannot deal with this stuff. I am getting help but its so deeply ingrained I just lose all reason when faced with anything like this.

I am not a hypocondriac and I would hate to think anyone thinks I am. I am simply terrified of anything medical and the thought of dealing with the system. I am not scared of needles or worried about pain. I just cannto deal with the entire 'thing'.

I am sorry if it seemed I was aibu by stealth and noone should feel they have said the wrong thing because they dont know whats going on in my head or why.

I have had a glass of oj and a spa tone. I need to start looking after myself as that is all caught up in the same big mess of my head and what fucking leukemia has done to it.

OP posts: