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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give 5yr old DD a mobile phone?

63 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 02/12/2011 11:55

When she goes to her Dad's, she always comes home sad - that she wanted to talk to me but EXP wont let her, or some thing happens, like last weekend, she was smacked in the face by her 1/2 sister, I asked what EXP did, "was she told off etc, I bet daddy gave you a cuddle etc" she said no as he was asleep upstairs as he was SO TIRED! and she wanted to call me as she was all alone and upset...

so, I have an old house brick Nokia phone, AIBU to get a PAYG sim and give it to her with my number in (and only my number) so she can call me if she really needs to?

Was thinking of barring any other number so no other kids can use it when shes there etc....?

OP posts:
Scoundrel · 02/12/2011 11:58

Not unreasonable at all if you think she can use it. I wouldn't normally think that a mobile for a 5yr old was a sensible thing but lots of kids who come from split homes have them so they can contact the other parent at their will.

goingtoofast · 02/12/2011 11:58

Do you think she will be able to use it?

pigletmania · 02/12/2011 11:59

I was going to say that YABU, but considering the circumstances you are not. I would also be calling up your Exp and having a talk with him too, this is not right at all.

WorraLiberty · 02/12/2011 11:59

Poor thing. What did her Dad say when you spoke to him about it? Sad

I'd be a bit wary of her phoning the police by accident at that age to be honest.

DeWe · 02/12/2011 12:00

Sounds very sensible. Teach her to text too, then you can send her a good night message and things. When dd1 is away she loves to have and send a good night kiss.

Chundle · 02/12/2011 12:00

Yanbu to allow her to get in touch with you when she's upset.
But yabu that you hadn't thought that 999 could potentially be dialled from it as a prank! Also phone could be taken from her by her step siblings. Not sure what the answer is really, look into those special kids mobiles you can get instead

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 02/12/2011 12:00

havent spoken to ex about that incident as he wont talk to me at all

OP posts:
worldgonecrazy · 02/12/2011 12:01

YANBU to allow her one for emergencies such as this, providing you do put all the bars etc. on it. However, there may be a problem in ensuring that the half sister doesn't get the phone and damage it in some way.

Do they have a house landline phone? Could she take your number with you so that she can phone if she wants to?

HavePatience · 02/12/2011 12:04

Yanbu. Definitely let her have it. Just make sure Exh knows that it's hers and hers only and about the bars...etc.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 02/12/2011 12:04

Under normal circumstances I would never give a 5 year old a mobile phone but I think in this case YANBU. Make sure she knows how to use it and good idea about locking it so only your number is on there.

I think you need to speak to her dad though and tell him what happened, he shouldn't really be sleeping whne he is supposed to be looking after her

Sirzy · 02/12/2011 12:06

Although I can understand why you are doing it and think its a good idea I also think that it doesn't really solve the problems your DD is encountering when she is there.

As far as I am concerned you need to make your ex talk to you, not doing so is being childish and making things difficult for your DD.

Iloveagoodroast · 02/12/2011 12:12

When i read the thread title, i thought, hell yes YABU! But after reading, I actually think YANBU. Your DD should be able to speak to you if she needs/wants to while she is with her father. If you think she is sensible enough to only call you (and not 999 for example), then i think its fine.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 02/12/2011 12:13

I do try to talk to him, but he completely disregards me, he has no respect for DP and i

her sister is 2 - and when she hit my DD, it happened as soon as I had dropped DD off, EX had gone back to bed for a nap (with his partner) and left DD and her 2 year old 1/2 sister playing down stairs.

normally i would never consider her having a phone, but it could be off in her bag & if she wanted me she could turn it on and call me

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 02/12/2011 12:14

buy a phone like thiss

but it has features like

SOUND MONITOR REMOTELY LISTEN TO SOUNDS SURROUNDING THE PHONE TO MONITOR THE CHILD AND FIND OUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING
LACTATION TRACKING PHONE WILL NOTIFY YOU WHEN CHILD REACHES A PREDEFINED LOCATION
YELLOW BLUE AND PINK

which ex would freak out about

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 02/12/2011 12:18

I agree with sirzy

All it will do is enable dd to tell you that she is unhappy - that's not resolving anything and actually might really piss ex off and make it even harder to speak to him.

Very hard situation though x

fuzzynavel · 02/12/2011 12:19

YANBU, Yes, onlywantsone that looks like just the ticket.

StaceymAloneForver · 02/12/2011 12:21

i too think you shoudl talk to your ex but it wouldn't be unreasonable to give her the nokia phone if it only had your number and others were barred, but it may alienate your ex more and that doesn't help your dd's situation.

fuzzynavel · 02/12/2011 12:21

I do totally understand where sirzy and valiumredhead are coming from though. But if it were my child and she said daddy wouldnt let her speak to me I would arrange some other sort of access. Does she have to stay there?

Sirzy · 02/12/2011 12:23

I was about to say that fuzzy.

From what op has said the issue is much bigger and I would be tempted to revisit access arrangements if possible.

squeakytoy · 02/12/2011 12:26

I would be more concerned about young children being left to their own devices while an adult is not supervising them.

Where is the mother of the other child?

I dont think at 5 having a phone is a great idea. It would also be likely to be taken off her by her father if she uses it as a way of saying "I am ringing my mum" every few minutes IF she is getting told off for anything, even if it is a justified telling off.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 02/12/2011 12:28

DD doesnt stay over

he wants her to & ive said no (due to reasons like this)

stacey we are so alienated from one another any way, genuinely....

OP posts:
wannaBe · 02/12/2011 12:30

I can see why you would want to but tbh I don't think it resolves anything. Why is your dd so unhappy?

And just to play devil's advocate here, how would you feel if your xh gave your dd a mobile phone so she could talk to him whenever she wanted..?

sherbetpips · 02/12/2011 12:32

sorry YABU - her dad is her dad and her care during that time is his responsibility - he doesnt need you hanging around in the background doing the parenting from the end of the phone. She is 5 and therefore like all kids prone to whinging and exageration. If you are worried speak to the adult not the 5 year old.

fuzzynavel · 02/12/2011 12:34

May I ask what the arrangement are?

What worries me is he doesn't sound like a very responsible parent to be upstairs asleep during her visits Sad

fuzzynavel · 02/12/2011 12:35

Trouble is though Sherbert, the parents don't speak at all.