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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if SIL is being ridiculous about 27th Dec?

56 replies

mrcamel · 01/12/2011 20:44

Both me and BIL (DHs sisters husband) happen to be from the same city. Very very far way for where DH and SIL are from.

Anyway we have 2 young DCs and another coming very soon so we are heading up to my parents for christmas (i'm on mat leave and DH a teacher so all of xmas off). My 4 DBro and 1 Dsis with families will also be around/staying (3 live up and 3 of us live dont) - bit of a squeeze but we are use to it :)

Anyway SIL and BIL have 2 DCs and are having christmas with SIL (and DHs) parents but coming up to where I and (BIL) are up from boxing day for a few days.

Anyway we said why dont they come over my parents day after boxing day (my parents love having people over, they have always had a 'free house' policy' - and it was their initial idea - one which DH and I love the idea)

They both agreed and seemed to look forward to it esp their DCs and ours - we dont live close to each other so dont see each other a lot.

Anyway I get a message from SIL (DHs sister) today saying that unfortunatly they wont be able to make it on 27th.
I reply saying that I am sorry, hoped they could come but if dates dont fit it is fine etc.
She says suggesting to meet up, maybe in city centre or her husbands parents place.
I reply (again) saying that it would be a stuggle to get to his parents place (they live very very far out ) and we are getting train up from home (in case of weather). So my parents or centre would be best for us.
She finally says that - we will have to sort out a time to meet up in town as she is not comfortble having DCs in .....(place where my parents live and I grew up)

I was shocked and actually ended up phoning her. We chatted for a bit and it came out that they are free on 27th but it is just that she doesnt want her DCs in the area.

DH and SIL come from very middle class upbring - small town, nice schools etc (and there is no problem with that at all) and does BIL (SIL husband)
While I come from a very rough (council estate) area - it's name is often bashed around as one of the worst in the UK.

I am actually a bit insulted and think she is depriving us, both our DCs and herself of seeing other familiy members around christmas for the sake of driving/walking into an area and then just being in a house.
(and I did say if they ended up getting a bus me or DH would meet them and if we couldnt I would send one of my brothers.)

AIBU? part of me thinks I am - her choice and that but another part of me thinks she is being ridiculous

OP posts:
thebigkahuna · 01/12/2011 20:48

I kind of want to know where this place is, but that's purely out of nosiness.

Meh, at least she's honest? It wouldn't put me off at all, but is she the nervy type or somethying?>

Megatron · 01/12/2011 20:48

She is being ridiculous. Let her get on with it and enjoy your shindig with your family, it sounds great. Can I bring my lot? Smile

pinkappleby · 01/12/2011 20:50

OMG YANBU. Not much else to say, I am speechless!!

IneedAChristmasNickname · 01/12/2011 20:51

I kind of want to know where this place is, but that's purely out of nosiness.

Me too! I guess it's her choice, but if I were in your position I would feel a bit upset.

mumeeee · 01/12/2011 20:52

She is being ridiculous.

daveywarbeck · 01/12/2011 20:52

Where are you from - Tower Hamlets? Mosside? Even if it either or those she is still being ridiculous.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 01/12/2011 20:53

She's being really rude. Saying that to you, she must have intended to upset you - you don't say something like that and think it'll pass for refreshing honesty.

If she really felt that bad about the location, she could have made a polite excuse, especially since it sounds like you gave her an easy out by saying it was fine if the date didn't fit. For her to insist on telling you it's the location your parents live in she can't take sounds to me as if she wants to be nasty.

MissMogwi · 01/12/2011 20:53

YANBU snobby cow. Leave her to it, go to your parents and keep her present for yourself.

Rhubarbgarden · 01/12/2011 20:55

I think she's being rather rude, quite frankly. What does your dh think?

roslet · 01/12/2011 20:55

That's so disappointing that she can have such prejudice. I would be very hurt too. What does she imagine would happen - everyone would be inside the house, not roaming the streets at midnight. I hope it doesn't cast a shadow over your Christmas.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 01/12/2011 20:56

If you are good enough for your DH, you should be good enough for his sister. My DH comes from a rough area and although I have never been keen on the DC going up there for days at a time (there is little for them to do and I know MIL can't cope with the domestics and the dc) there has never been any problem with an overnight visit.

MrsRhettButler · 01/12/2011 20:56

Unless you live on the Gaza strip she is bu.

Where is it btw?

MrsTwinks · 01/12/2011 20:57

I agree completely with LDR. Do you think its coming from her or BIL or both? You seem so shocked by it all I wonder where this attitude has come from.

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/12/2011 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsRhettButler · 01/12/2011 20:59

I grew up in St Pauls in Bristol and I had a friend from school who wasn't allowed to come to my house!

catsrus · 01/12/2011 21:01

Gipton ?

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2011 21:02

Oooh you snob Mrs R Hmm

Grin

YANBU OP, sounds like you're better off without them round looking her nose at your parents house

Leave her to it.

pootlebug · 01/12/2011 21:03

WTF? How rude!. If you had invited her and her DCs for a night out in the roughest pubs in town I could perhaps try to see her point but to say that she won't go into someone's home because of the area it's in is beyond belief. What on earth does she think will happen?

Firawla · 01/12/2011 21:04

yanbu she is really rude to not come for that reason even though she is free, its really stuck up. how can she not realise that?
& i also want to know what area it is

Northernlurker · 01/12/2011 21:04

Oh how awful. If she's such a snob you'd be better off without her coming and lowering herself. What does dh think?

ihatecbeebies · 01/12/2011 21:06

She is being incredibly rude! Enjoy your nice family christmas and don't give her a second thought.

MrsRhettButler · 01/12/2011 21:06

Sorry agent ? Why the Hmm face?

MrsRhettButler · 01/12/2011 21:08

Oh, was the grin after it for me too? Confused Grin

storminabuttercup · 01/12/2011 21:08

How rude!

What the heck does she think may happen?

Dawndonnathatchristmasiscoming · 01/12/2011 21:13

She's being a bloody snob. Tell her to grow up and pull herself together, or sod off!