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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if SIL is being ridiculous about 27th Dec?

56 replies

mrcamel · 01/12/2011 20:44

Both me and BIL (DHs sisters husband) happen to be from the same city. Very very far way for where DH and SIL are from.

Anyway we have 2 young DCs and another coming very soon so we are heading up to my parents for christmas (i'm on mat leave and DH a teacher so all of xmas off). My 4 DBro and 1 Dsis with families will also be around/staying (3 live up and 3 of us live dont) - bit of a squeeze but we are use to it :)

Anyway SIL and BIL have 2 DCs and are having christmas with SIL (and DHs) parents but coming up to where I and (BIL) are up from boxing day for a few days.

Anyway we said why dont they come over my parents day after boxing day (my parents love having people over, they have always had a 'free house' policy' - and it was their initial idea - one which DH and I love the idea)

They both agreed and seemed to look forward to it esp their DCs and ours - we dont live close to each other so dont see each other a lot.

Anyway I get a message from SIL (DHs sister) today saying that unfortunatly they wont be able to make it on 27th.
I reply saying that I am sorry, hoped they could come but if dates dont fit it is fine etc.
She says suggesting to meet up, maybe in city centre or her husbands parents place.
I reply (again) saying that it would be a stuggle to get to his parents place (they live very very far out ) and we are getting train up from home (in case of weather). So my parents or centre would be best for us.
She finally says that - we will have to sort out a time to meet up in town as she is not comfortble having DCs in .....(place where my parents live and I grew up)

I was shocked and actually ended up phoning her. We chatted for a bit and it came out that they are free on 27th but it is just that she doesnt want her DCs in the area.

DH and SIL come from very middle class upbring - small town, nice schools etc (and there is no problem with that at all) and does BIL (SIL husband)
While I come from a very rough (council estate) area - it's name is often bashed around as one of the worst in the UK.

I am actually a bit insulted and think she is depriving us, both our DCs and herself of seeing other familiy members around christmas for the sake of driving/walking into an area and then just being in a house.
(and I did say if they ended up getting a bus me or DH would meet them and if we couldnt I would send one of my brothers.)

AIBU? part of me thinks I am - her choice and that but another part of me thinks she is being ridiculous

OP posts:
BillComptonstrousers · 01/12/2011 21:14

Is your DH not hugely embarrased by his sisters behaviour? He, I'm assuming, is fine with spending the holiday up there?

Besom · 01/12/2011 21:16

Oh ffs! Rude and beyond idiotic. Wtf does she think is going to happen?

On the other hand, is she ok? Because this level of worry doesn't seem like a 'normal' response to me and I wonder if she has got some anxiety problems or something?

Mimmee · 01/12/2011 21:18

How pathetic!

Her loss but I wouldn't be putting myself out for her with that attitude, arranging different dates or travelling to meet her.

Very rude.

Where is it? Grin

slavetofilofax · 01/12/2011 21:22

It completely depends where it is. There are parts of this country that I wouldn't take my children to either.

Fisharefriendsnotmincepies · 01/12/2011 21:32

I don't know..there are some spots I know where I wouldn't want my dc going. she could have handled it better though..

Original poster
mrcamel · 01/12/2011 21:33

is Aylesbury one of them slaveto ?? :P

DH thinks she is being bonkers (his words)
and I have never known her to be very very anxious (she is on some things though - esp with her DCs)
Can imagine BIL (her husband) agrees - but then he is a posh twat

OP posts:
BillComptonstrousers · 01/12/2011 21:36

is this your SIL?

PoppadumPreach · 01/12/2011 21:39

or is this your SIL?

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 01/12/2011 21:44

she is ridiculous - fair enough if you were asking them to stay over (even then it's still a bit off) but to just pop in for a few hours? What does she think is going to happen?? I would be quite offended on behalf of my parents after their generous offer.

PinkSchmoo · 01/12/2011 21:46

What an utter snob. She is bu and pretty bitchy with it. Better off without.

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2011 21:51

Bit late to answer you MrsR, the Hmm was for not thinking the Gaza strip a suitable Christmas venue Grin

LePruneDeMaTante · 01/12/2011 21:51

Just to play devil's advocate
If this is their holiday they might not want to give one day of it up to go somewhere grim to spend with people they might not have anything in common with.
Some people are unable to function outside of a 'lovely' environment like my MIL and just won't do it. Not nice but there it is.

QuintessentialyFestive · 01/12/2011 21:52

How shockingly rude! Shock

teddiegoestopeckham · 01/12/2011 23:18

very very rude, especially to tell you why when you gave her a perfectly reasonable get out (about timmings not working)

pootlebug · 01/12/2011 23:20

LePruneDeMaTante - "If this is their holiday they might not want to give one day of it up to go somewhere grim" - they would be going to the OP's parents house. Indoors. How grim are you expecting it to be, exactly? SIL sounds like she's quite happy to see them at a different venue, so it's not the choice of company that is bothering her.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/12/2011 01:07

She's probably worried about parking her car on the street rather than anything else isn't she? There are places I go to quite happily but take my low key car rather than my DH's more expensive one.

Also you say you don't want to travel to her in laws as is too far but presumably the journey's the same distance for you. In fairness it sounds like you SIL has tried to work around this discretely and only said what she did when pressed as to why it wasn't convenient.

IteotYEARawki · 02/12/2011 02:24

Aylesbury?! Good grief, anyone from there was posh! (grew up somewhere that had an LU postcode :) )

sunnydelight · 02/12/2011 04:08

Wow, how rude and ignorant. She could at least have had the grace to lie about her reasons!!!!

LePruneDeMaTante · 02/12/2011 09:05

Pootlebug - no idea!
I live in a perfectly normal Victorian terrace area and I have relations who live on an 'executive housing' (boak) estate: MIL visibly dislikes visiting, as neither is aesthetically pleasing enough for her.

Some people are deeply odd about prioritising things over people.

gamerwidow · 02/12/2011 09:14

Is this Aylesbury or the Aylesbury estate in London? I know the Aylesbury Estate is famous for being one of the worst council estates in London. It is also incidently where my mum and her family grew up :)
She is being very snobby, she's going to be in someone's house not roaming the streets. The assumption that someone on a council estate can not have a nice living environment and be respectable people is insulting. I think she's been watching too much Shameless.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/12/2011 09:47

Maybe she isn't a snob, just a coward.

Mind you that isn't very admirable either.

samandi · 02/12/2011 10:20

I don't think I'd want to spend part of my Christmas in one of the worst council estates in the UK either. Shame for your parents though.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 02/12/2011 10:30

We live somewhere a "bit dodgy" and have had visitors cars damaged outside our house, and have had abuse and beer cans thrown at us for walking down "their street" by the people who live on the next road. We don't invite people round at night anymore from out of town, and we would warn anyone who did come at any time, that we can't guarantee the safety of their car outside our house. I suspect that quite a large % of the people here would not want to bring their DCs to our house for the day no?
Just because the OPs family are good, decent people who happen to live in a bad area (have they been there years while the place has sort of gone bad around them and left them like a little island?) it doesn't mean her SiLs fears are unfounded. She was probably very embrassed to admit them, but the fact that she feels strongly enough about it to say it aloud says something surely.
I could see this being the other way round "My SiL wants us to visit somewhere 'rough and scary' and XYZ has happened there, and I don't want to take my DCs" and people would agree.

MrsRhettButler · 02/12/2011 10:42

Oh! I get it now agent insert stupid face [here] Grin

MrsRhettButler · 02/12/2011 10:43

Also a very late reply......