My child's not perfect.

[CarolCervix]

Series of documentaries coming up on ITV next week.

surely no bloody children are perfect. does this mean children with additional needs are less perfect than others?

I have no idea if the series is any good but I think the name is really really shit.

AIBU and irrationaly

I would like to have watched it, DS has AS but both DCs were with me when a trailer for it came on, DD was incensed by the title so I gave it a miss as DS would still have been up.
Neither of my DCs are perfect, to anyone - but me!
I loved 'Born to be different'.

So YANBU, obviously!

I have a child with ASD and Tourettes who can be violent at times. I watched the programme and to be honest the title didn't offend me. I interpreted it as that feeling I get sometimes when things are really bad with my son, when it SEEMS as if everyone else has a perfect life with perfect children and it makes me feel sad that we can't do the things that "normal" families do. It doesn't mean I don't love my son but our lives are restricted so much by his disabilities that sometimes when I see people I know who are able to do the things we can't, like go on holiday, have friends round, visit friends (because my son won't get on with their kids/because they have dogs or cats and he is phobic etc etc), even have a proper job because the disruptions from him being too stressed to go to school/disruptive at school etc mean that I am an unreliable employee.

I know no one is perfect, that no one sees what goes on behind closed doors, that every family has it's own difficulties to deal with, but sometimes when things are particularly shitty, I confess I DO envy those people, with their seemingly perfect children/families. I know it's unreasonable, but that's how I feel sometimes. That's the way I interpreted the title.

But I do have a problem with people taking their kids on the telly - there will be editing to make it appear in a certain way that the programme makers want and people who are saying that the child can't give their consent are absolutely right. I'd never want my child on TV, because I think it would open him - and us - up to a not very nice world.

YANBU. It's a ridiculous title - what's it supposed to mean exactly?

MincePies I agree with what you have said about some people not believing in these SN. And I like your extended version of the title. But given that next week includes stammering and bulimia, both of which can be seen, it does make me wonder about whether their objective was to educate the masses.

OneWay I can completely understand your perspective. And, as I said earlier, I can really see how there might be a bit of a "yes, you get me!" moment, but I don't think the programme was made for the parents of other children in that situation, but rather for the rest of us to have a bit of a gawp at. You know all the "What I don't get is why if you've got Tourettes you never shout out 'cake' or 'sunshine' it's always 'fuck' and 'bastard'" people who will watch it just to see if the kid does say something they can laugh at.

Anyway, just my opinion. But none of the friends I spoke to watched it either for the same reason (although it was a fairly small sample!).

I am still with folkgirl
I hate the idea that these programmes are portrayed as educating the public, they don't imo, they just make the point that children with sn are their to be gawped at, as someone who can't take her dd out with out gormless adults and children gawping at her as she is in a wheelchair and has cp, I would rather they showed our children as being normal , not different, not to be pitied but just young people who should be accepted, that will never happen as long as you have tv titles like "born to be different" or "my child isn't perfect"

I agree that there is an ethics issue with all kids on the TV. I hate the children exposed on Wife Swap, I worry about the children on SuperNanny, with all thier classmates and classmates Mums watching them being tearaways, and the disciplined. I really worried about educating essex, because there were veery vulnerable young people there, being shown addressing all sorts of behaviours, and if they do that successfully and turn out good, they will still be unemployable locally.

But within that overall proviso, I think for the watching public, better they see the children and families themselves tell their stories as far as possible on thier own terms - which does look the case on BTBD and this programme, than - and demonstrate thier strength and individuality, than be protrayed on mawkish charity appeals, heavily manipulated sensationalist shows (like Extraordinary Bodies, which really is vile) or patronising stuff like Secret Millionnaire.

YANBU. Nobody is perfect, and experience tells us that imperfection manifests itself in a zillion ways.

It's also completely ridiculous to assume that because your child doesn't have SEN they won't have areas in which they desperately need help and support.

That having been said: I always get irrationally angry at people who take the very simplistic view that all people are somehow born with an equal amount of total "benefits points" and that those who are physically or intellectually outside the norm will somehow "make this up" in terms of "love" or "having a beautiful soul". When I was growing up, my mother was a teacher at a school for the severely disabled. She was very involved in this and would often have us at her work after school, take us along on school trips etc. From that experience I can really only say that severely disabled kids are pretty much like everybody else: some are easy and absolutely lovely, others are grumpy and at times very mean. The flip side of this would be something like the idea that the intellectually gifted tend towards insanity or social idiocy. It's just not that straightforward, folks!

To deny that is IMO discriminatory (because it assumes a monolithic view of people with very different characteristics whose only common trait is some form of deviation from a norm). It also implies that some people may somehow be less capable of loving because they've already "used up" all their "points" on being a virtuoso. i call BS!

People are different, nobody's perfect - get over it already! And most importantly, get over the stupid idea that ability somehow implies worth.