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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a sibling far out weights being privately educated?

117 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 29/11/2011 22:22

AIBU??

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 29/11/2011 22:23

I would say so.. but I was an only child and absolutely hated it (and still do).

joanofarchitrave · 29/11/2011 22:25

Mmm. I've never met anyone who actually decided not to have a second child because they wanted to choose private education instead. What I have met is more than one family who, being either unable to have a second child or not wanting one in general, have been able to pay for private education for their only child and regard that as a positive in life.

Of course our ds doesn't have either.

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 29/11/2011 22:26

outweigh even!! :)

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 29/11/2011 22:30

I think I know what my DD would go for out of a school with stables or a little brother/sister.

EverybodysScaryEyed · 29/11/2011 22:30

depends - is this a first sibling or an eighth sibling?

LemonDifficult · 29/11/2011 22:30

Would it be a 2nd child or does the DC already have siblings and this would be an additional one on top?!

PontyMython · 29/11/2011 22:33

Do you mean "if I have another (2nd?) baby my dc will not be able to go to private school, WWYD?"

If so, I would have another baby because (a) I am not particularly bothered about private ed and (b) I hated being an only.

MordechaiVanunu · 29/11/2011 22:35

It depends.

gelatinous · 29/11/2011 22:48

It depends, there is no simple answer to this. There are plenty of siblings who loath each other and don't get on whereas often a one child family dynamic works really well, but not always. Then again lots of private schools aren't that great and you have to consider what the state alternative is like too - a failing sink school is quite different to a top ranked comp or grammar for example.

All that said I agree that for most people the decision is made on instinct rather than economic analysis.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 29/11/2011 22:51

Joan - I genuinely have a friend who says she won't have a second so she can give her DS a private education. It's not her only reason but it is the primary one.

Personally I'm not keen on private education so I would always take giving my child a sibling and state educate them. But being an only has pros as well as cons and it all depends on circumstances and relationships.

MollieO · 29/11/2011 22:58

Years ago I used to know someone who made a conscious decision only to have one child as they were worried about the costs of education, particularly college fees (she was American and the plan was to live in the US). Years and years later and long after we lost touch I discovered that she is heir to the founder of one of the biggest computer organisations in the world. Afaik she did only have one child.

blackeyedsanta · 29/11/2011 22:58

as an only, I would have like a sibling. didn't get private eduaction either.

I have met someone who claims her sil only wants one so that she can be privately educated. not heard it direct though so it may not be the whole story

Ellefabulosa · 29/11/2011 23:08

God, having sisters for me has been priceless. I just would not be happy without them they are core to me like my husband and child. I really hope that my children have the same bond with each other.

recall · 29/11/2011 23:19

I'm with squeakytoy, I'm a only child and it was/is cack.

QuintessentialMercury · 29/11/2011 23:20

Yes, having a sibling is better.

But having a private education is better than no education and no siblings.

Serenitysutton · 29/11/2011 23:22

I know someone who did this but honestly, I'm sure it's not theonky reason she was a only.
My siblings are the best thing my parents couldve ever given me

Minshu · 29/11/2011 23:24

If I'm not lucky enough to have a second child, I will console myself with the idea of sending DD to private school. Not the other way round.

NormanTheForeman · 29/11/2011 23:29

Interesting post.

We only have one child although this was not because of any decisions regarding schooling, just the way it ended up. Ds has had a state primary school education, which has been fine. He is now nearly 11 and we are considering secondary options. We are considering a private school for him, and one of the main reasons we are able to do so is the fact he is an only child, but we did not plan it this way.

In terms of siblings, I have 2 sisters, get on reasonably well, don't live close but keep in touch by phone/e-mail regularly. Dh also has 2 siblings, rarely speaks to them/contacts them. They are not on particularly bad terms, just don't have much in common.

Ds has never yearned for a sibling, and is quite content being an only. I don't know whether this is good or bad.

JustifiedAncientOfMuMu · 29/11/2011 23:33

I'd have the private education please. I hated being one of four children, and going to a shit comprehensive in a rough area of town.

elastamum · 29/11/2011 23:35

Interesting question! I have 2 boys 20 months apart, both in a very good private school. BUT if I had to choose one or the other I would go for having a sibling. My boys get on really well with each other. The education they are getting is great, but having each other is priceless.

elastamum · 29/11/2011 23:36

BTW, I also went to a bog standard comprehensive, but i am very lucky to have 2 wonderful brothers Smile

JohnStuartMills · 29/11/2011 23:37

It depends on the variables. I have very much older siblings who I rarely see. They were quite a negative influence and source of stress growing up.

My son is an only child. This is because of miscarriages and ageing mom.

Did you mean the deliberate choice to concentrate resources on one child.

Your choice of heading made me quite sad.

happyAvocado · 29/11/2011 23:39

following that logic.... 2 kids = both in private education = bliss?? ;)

toptramp · 29/11/2011 23:41

My dd is an only child because I can't keep a man, and is likely to be state educated too. Does that mean she's fucked? Total bullshit op!

Having a sibling and/or going to private school does not necessarily a happy person make. I have a sister and we hardly speak and I went to private school and still I am quite unsuccessful. So no guarentees. Some parents do overthink.

WhoIsThatMaskedWoman · 29/11/2011 23:42

YABU, it all depends - being an only child can have huge advantages, and the ability to fund private education is only one of them. But siblings can be great too.