Page 5 | Having a sibling far out weights being privately educated?

hardboiledpossum · 01/12/2011 09:41

seeker I definitely don't think that. I value life much more than a private education. If I found myself accidently pregnant and it meant that if I carried on with the pregnancy I couldn't afford to educate privately I would still continue with the pregnancy. But I don't feel like I'm denying life by not getting pregnant to begin with. Although I would love lots of children, as an only myself I don't feel like I'm depriving my DS by not giving him a sibling.

seeker · 01/12/2011 09:59

But one of the reasons you're denying yourself another child (and you said that you would love one) is fear of state education. And that really is bonkers, honestly!

wordfactory · 01/12/2011 10:10

But don't you only feel that way seeker because you're totally agaisnt private ed in principle?

If someone said I'm not having another child because I can't afford to be a SAHP if I do, or we wouldn't be able to afford all the enriching opportunites MN is so fond of banging on about, or we couldn't afford to send them to uni...would you feel differentlt?

CailinDana · 01/12/2011 10:24

What are the benefits of private education other than ensuring your child doesn't go to school with children poorer than them?

Xenia · 01/12/2011 10:28

94% of children go to state schools and many do very well.

You need to turn things round in your head - say well I am not worse than XYZ who earns £500ka year so I am going out there and I am going to find a way to earn a fortune. it's much more fun than counting every penny.

Candid · 01/12/2011 10:49

As a straight up answer, I would definitely choose siblings over private education.
I must be very lucky - I have 4 siblings and we all get on (maybe not that well at times growing up). Dh has none but loves the interaction, chaos and madness he experiences when we have family get togethers. There's no price on that.
My two are blessed with cousins that they love getting together with.

As siblings, we all went to state or grammar and have all done quite well.

Rocky12 · 01/12/2011 11:09

I was sort of in this position. We wanted any children we have to be privately educated and I also took the decision to work full time with no career break. Consequently we had two children and they both at private schools. Having 3 would have meant we couldnt use the private route and we would be leading a different life I think. Not worse or better just different.

wordfactory · 01/12/2011 11:19

cailindana there are different benefits for different families.
My answer will be absolutely at odds with someone else's...but I don't get the impression you're really very interested.

sue52 · 01/12/2011 11:22

I grew up in a big family where we were all privately educated. I would not have given up a single Brother or Sister for my education but I wish my parents had sent us to the very good state schools available and not spent years guilt tripping us about the amount they had spent on school fees.

seeker · 01/12/2011 12:00

"But don't you only feel that way seeker because you're totally agaisnt private ed in principle?

If someone said I'm not having another child because I can't afford to be a SAHP if I do, or we wouldn't be able to afford all the enriching opportunites MN is so fond of banging on about, or we couldn't afford to send them to uni...would you feel differentlt?"

Well, who can afford to send them to University?! I think I would feel the same if it was any other dogmatic lifestyle choice. But there's something about deciding behalf of a child whether a sibling or private education is more beneficial that I find creepy. And it has to be an arbitrary decision because you're presumably making it before you know what the child is like and so what sortnof school would suit it. And before you know anything about the alternatives. AN Other private school is automatically so much better than AN Other state school that i think it's worth depriving my child of a sibling for.

Morloth · 01/12/2011 12:31

You don't need siblings to have a happy life, nor do you need private education. Both are optional extras for people who have a child.

I don't care what peoples reasons are for not having kids. Just don't have any you don't want, that is repugnant behavior.

I would have a houseful if we had the cash to provide for them all. Money buys options, it means that if for some reason state education doesn't work out you can pay for something different, it buys gear and instruments and experiences, all things I want for my children.

I do believe that it is better for my third child not to exist than to have to split the resources we have available, obviously I think that.

It isn't creepy to want to do the best for your kids, just because you don't believe a private education is 'best' seeker doesn't mean everyone has to agree with you.

I do what I believe is best for my kids. And for us that means limiting their siblings. A cold hard decision that puts what I believe they need above what I want.

themightyfandango · 01/12/2011 12:43

If someone has the foresight to consider that a private education is something they want for their child and they absolutely couldn't afford it if they had more DC then fair play to them.

Personally I would have the sibling and hope/work harder to ensure that I could pay for both if it was that important.

Situations change enormously over a period of years. I have applied for an independent place for DS1 after having an elder child do perfectly well all the way through state. DS1 and DS2 both have SEN and we feel the independent (non selective)will give them the best chance.

I never saw this coming and a few years ago would never have considered private as an option. Such is life. We are going to have to work bloody hard though to make sure his brother can follow him in three years time. It has crossed my mind recently that it might have been prudent to have two rather than four DC. I like having a larger family though, whether my DC would agree remains to be seen.

ChrisMsBrian · 01/12/2011 12:51

I wonder where OP is...

hardboiledpossum · 01/12/2011 13:26

seeker but I don't think it is bonkers. I know most people have perfectly fine experiences in state schools but I didn't. I hated it so I don't want my child to have to go through what I did.

seeker · 01/12/2011 13:55

If you had had a bad experience at a private school would you say you would never send your child to one?

hardboiledpossum · 01/12/2011 14:10

I can't really answer that because it's impossible to know. But the experience that I had in my state school was similar to my friends experiences in their state schools in the same area of London. My friends who went to private schools were always shocked by our stories.

Original poster

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 01/12/2011 19:26

ChrisMsBrian here! I can't mumsnet during the day...too busy with the children!

I think what my/friends issue is really that having more children does have a huge effect on our ability to provide extras if needed and give some extra opportunities. Time is bloody expensive, we have no idea how our children will get on at school, but if they struggled needed extra help etc and private education was needed (may never be) we would want to be able to help them.

Another issue for me is that the longing for another baby may never go away! I almost feel selfish in wanting another as I find it so hard now giving each of my DC the time they need, let alone the finding the extra funds for school, clubs, clothes etc.

OP posts: