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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to drive with the baby?

54 replies

jan2011 · 29/11/2011 20:36

i had my baby a couple of months ago. before that i was not a very good driver, only got my test last year, have only ever driven locally and never in rush hour etc. i have health problems which mean my concentration is sometimes not the best and if people are talking or the radio is on i just cannot concentrate fully and am very nervous about driving anyone anywhere...i am much better on my own.
since having the baby i have only taken her to the doctors up the road... my friend lives near here and i think she is wondering why i haven't offered to take her and her newborn out, instead just arranging to meet her at her house - or she can come to mine meaning we both walk. i do want to be able to drive with the baby but i just don't feel confident, and don't want to take the risk with my and another person's baby its just not worth it. if your friend (and you didn't know she had any health issue) told you she wasn't very confident in the car and didn't drive a lot, and didn't want to take the risk with the babies, does this sound reasonable or does it just sound stupid? i feel stupid.

OP posts:
sarahtigh · 29/11/2011 21:06

yuo can get more lessons some driving schools run extras such as night time driving motorway driving etc,

if you have a medical problem that hinders driving \i think you should speak to your GP as you may need to inform DVLA

but if it is just confidence you need practice and more practice confidence only comes with doing things over and over again so go out with another driver but not the baby until you feel more confident get sat nav if you are nervous about getting lost when going out of local area

are you generally nervous I mean would you go a big city/town you had never been to before on your own and use the tube buses etc? or would you have wanted someone with you?

Original poster
jan2011 · 29/11/2011 21:08

i know other peoples babies are as precious as mine :) i never said mine was more precious.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/11/2011 21:11

Ok. Have you informed DVLA op?

naturalbaby · 29/11/2011 21:11

if it's that much of an issue then why have a car? i know someone who isn't confident and only passed their test when their 1st baby was a coupld of months old, then got rid of the car because she wasn't using it. at least then it isn't an option in other people's eyes.

LoveInAColdClimate · 29/11/2011 21:12

I second getting sat nav - it has made me slightly less terrified as I don't have to worry about getting lost as well. I must say the city driving lessons didn't help me much but I know they help others. Good luck, OP.

Original poster
jan2011 · 29/11/2011 21:12

no im not generally nervous i would have no problem going to a big city and using transport its just the car and being able to concentrate and also for parking i would have to park where its not busy - yes im not very good at it and if it was busy it would make me anxious! i do just need more practice don't i

OP posts:
Original poster
jan2011 · 29/11/2011 21:15

i have a car because i need it. i go shopping, i go to the gym, i get groceries all local, without the baby. i am saying the baby is a distraction to me, other people are a distraction. i am building up my confidence. although it would be handy sometimes not to have it as an option 'in other peoples eyes'. anyway as long as my friend understands why i don't want to pick her up ill feel ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
jan2011 · 29/11/2011 21:16

my doctor hasn't said it was that bad to stop driving by the way

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 29/11/2011 21:17

No don't get a sat nav. A woman drove onto the level crossing near me from listening to her sat nav - I reckon she must have had concentration problems too.

GypsyMoth · 29/11/2011 21:17

But it's something you do have to inform the DVLA about

pootlebug · 29/11/2011 21:18

Is your concern that you may be distracted with your newborn in the car, or that you are too worried about your baby's welfare to drive with her in the car given your lack of concentration and confidence?

If it is the latter, then it's not an ideal situation - you're effectively saying you're willing to risk the lives of all the people in the cars around you (which may include other tiny babies) but not risk your own child?

I don't think it is 'stupid' at all that you're not confident in the car....some people just aren't. But I think that if you have a medical issue that affects your concentration you should be talking to your GP and the DVLA and getting their opinion as to whether you should drive at all.

Original poster
jan2011 · 29/11/2011 21:19

yes my hubby has a sat nav and the woman talks really loud on it with the directions you can't turn her down and it would really distract me too

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 29/11/2011 21:19

Seriously? I wonder why you even drive at all you sound a danger to other people.

downbutnotout · 29/11/2011 21:22

OP, I sympathise. I was a very unconfident driver too when dc1 came along, and I felt a bloody idiot about it too at the ripe old age of 34, but I got my licence at 22 and had never really driven since then. But nonetheless it did make my life hard, as dd was quite a fretful baby and I was living in area where I didn't know many people so my life was really restricted by not being able to drive just get out and see new things and meet other mums.

In the end, my dh could see how it was getting to me and insisted that I came out with him in the car. He took me to a quiet area and we just practised a few times and then built it up gradually until I felt confident to try on my own. I was so ridiculously proud on the first drive I made on my own with the baby I called up dh to tell him from the car park at B&Q! That was seven years ago and last year I drove to Normandy. On my own. (It takes six hours!)

Courage (as the French say). You'll get there in the end but, to coin a phrase, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Just take that first step of getting in the car for a practise run. You may have to force yourself at first, but I promise it will be worth it in the long run.

LeQueen · 29/11/2011 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveInAColdClimate · 29/11/2011 21:24

Downbutnotout - thank you for that story - I found it really helpful and inspirational.

GypsyMoth · 29/11/2011 21:26

Look, op, I know what your health problem is.....and its one which is notifiable to the DVLA as it does impact on some drivers who have this.

But if you say doc says it's fine...... Yet go on to admit that your concentration needs to be on top form as you know it slides, well, I really really think you need to ask DVLA for further advice here

Original poster
jan2011 · 29/11/2011 21:28

me too thanks

OP posts:
downbutnotout · 29/11/2011 21:28

Why thank you! BlushGrin

Sirzy · 29/11/2011 21:32

I agree LeQueen. If you don't have the confidence to safely drive in any "normal" conditions then you should either admit your not a driver or get further lessons or help to increase that confidence.

icooksocks · 29/11/2011 21:34

Like other posters have said-I think if you are seriously that un-confident (is there such a word?) about driving then I would tear up your licence and go back to using public transport.

As LeQueen has said drivers with no confidence scare the shit out of me too and yes you can tell them a mile off. You can never be certain of how traffic conditions will change.

Stop driving, and tell the friend exactly why you have stopped.

bonnieslilsister · 29/11/2011 21:41

If the baby is not in the car you feel ok about driving cos you are not distracted etc......I can't see why you are BU

In time to come you will be fine and wont think about it but for now just carry on doing what you are doing and don't worry too much about your friend or MIL or Sara anyone on here who says otherwise x

Sirzy · 29/11/2011 21:43

But the problem is bonnie you can't possibly guarantee that when you are driving there will be no distractions so if distractions are such a problem then you shouldn't drive.

lucky24 · 29/11/2011 21:48

medical issues aside, i used to be a very nervous driver (and to a lesser extent passenger) i would stick to local driving where i knew the route and knew where i could park when i got there. But started driving a bit more often and over time my confidence grew, there is no rush.

When i was nervous my friends knew i wasnt a confident driver i wouldnt be driving places i didnt want to drive to, as far as i know they didnt mind i didnt drive them places.

I found out recently my SIL has a driving licence (her and db have a car) so could drive if she wanted to but, she hasnt driven in the 4 years i have known her, i think it is common for people to be nervous drivers so dont beat your self up about it.

Why do you think your friend whats you to take her out places? It may not have crossed her mind.

QueenOfToast · 29/11/2011 21:52

As others have said, I think that you should definitely check on the DVLA website as to whether you need to notify them of your health condition. Not sure what your situation is, but it was a surprise to me when I discovered that ADHD has to be declared.