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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to drive with the baby?

54 replies

jan2011 · 29/11/2011 20:36

i had my baby a couple of months ago. before that i was not a very good driver, only got my test last year, have only ever driven locally and never in rush hour etc. i have health problems which mean my concentration is sometimes not the best and if people are talking or the radio is on i just cannot concentrate fully and am very nervous about driving anyone anywhere...i am much better on my own.
since having the baby i have only taken her to the doctors up the road... my friend lives near here and i think she is wondering why i haven't offered to take her and her newborn out, instead just arranging to meet her at her house - or she can come to mine meaning we both walk. i do want to be able to drive with the baby but i just don't feel confident, and don't want to take the risk with my and another person's baby its just not worth it. if your friend (and you didn't know she had any health issue) told you she wasn't very confident in the car and didn't drive a lot, and didn't want to take the risk with the babies, does this sound reasonable or does it just sound stupid? i feel stupid.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/11/2011 20:37

If your not confident driving then dont!!

Callisto · 29/11/2011 20:38

At the risk of sounding heartless, I think you should stay out of the car and off the road. There is nothing more distracting than having your own newborn in the car.

Mimmee · 29/11/2011 20:39

Ah don't feel stupid, I'm sure if she's a good friend she'll understand.

FWIW I felt incredibly nervous about driving with DD when she was a newborn - and I've been driving 13 years!

But it got easier the more I did it. I got one of those mirrors so I could see her and it really did help.

Just tell her how you feel!

1950sHousewife · 29/11/2011 20:39

Agree with Callisto.

hellhasnofury · 29/11/2011 20:39

I think you are very wise not to drive if you're not comfortable or confident. I think what you are planning to say to your friend makes sense, I hope she understands.

rubyslippers · 29/11/2011 20:39

I think if your fear of driving is making you so anxious and restricting your activities then I would seek some help

It's not stupid at all - I think it is an understandable fear

GypsyMoth · 29/11/2011 20:39

Er what health condition prevents you concentrating? Never mind your baby, what about the rest of us poor sods!!?

Sorry, you either drive like the rest of us or stay off the road.

1Catherine1 · 29/11/2011 20:40

Don't do it. A crying baby is very distracting if you are easily distracted anyway. It takes a lot of focus when my DD starts to tune out from her until I can tend to her needs.

Your friend is BU.

RitaMorgan · 29/11/2011 20:41

Get as much practice driving with just you in the car - don't take the baby out until you are confident.

south345 · 29/11/2011 20:42

I think you're being very sensible admitting that you have concentration problems etc, wish other drivers like that didn't drive! Someone nearly smashed into my car the other day which was full of children (I'm a childminder) cos she want even looking at the road when pulling out at the side of me.

SmethwickBelle · 29/11/2011 20:42

If I knew you were a fairly new driver (not to mention new mum) I wouldn't judge you at all. Both things have a steep learning curve even without the health issues.

In the longer term I think it would be a shame not to drive if you have a licence and a car as it opens up the world you and your baby can explore together but obviously making yourself even more anxious isn't a good idea!

Is there any chance of some more lessons to help with your confidence on the road?

Sandalwood · 29/11/2011 20:43

How, and why, have you got a licence?

aubergineinautumn · 29/11/2011 20:43

Maybe get some more driving lessons?

LoveInAColdClimate · 29/11/2011 20:44

Helpful, Sara Hmm.

OP, don't drive if you don't feel comfortable. Your friend will understand. I am afraid of driving and have been trying to conquer it so that when my baby is born (I'm pregnant) I can be more independent, but I hate it. You have my total sympathy.

GypsyMoth · 29/11/2011 20:49

Don't care if helpful or not to be honest

She has a health problems which hamper her concentration?? I have seen first hand what devastation lack of concentration brings

LeQueen · 29/11/2011 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 29/11/2011 20:50

Have you got anyone who could come in the car with you while you build up your confidance?

I'm sure if you were that un fit to drive you would have had your licence revoked?

Congrats on the new baby

FannyBazaar · 29/11/2011 20:53

If it's walking distance, walk and be proud of it. Walking is far better for both of you. Say you are doing it for the environment if that helps. No need to feel you should offer to take your friend out.

Sirzy · 29/11/2011 20:56

Sara does make a good point. If her concentration is that bad then driving at all sounds very dangerous!

LoveInAColdClimate · 29/11/2011 20:58

But surely if it was that much of a problem then the OP's doctor would have stepped in and said she couldn't drive? I have had friends be banned from driving for medical reasons.

callmemrs · 29/11/2011 20:59

If you aren't confident driving, then stay off the road until you sort this problem. To be frank, other peoples babies are as precious as yours

GypsyMoth · 29/11/2011 21:00

Has this health problem occurred since your test? What is it?

mumblechum1 · 29/11/2011 21:01

Did you pass your test first time?

I think it would be a good idea for you to do one of those extra courses you can do as a new driver for extra practice.

Agree you shouldn't be taking your baby out if you can't tune her out while you're driving and concentrate on the road and traffic.

Original poster
jan2011 · 29/11/2011 21:03

hi - thanks for all the responses! i don't think its necessary to go into my health all i need to say is yes it does affect my ability to concentrate at times. i am confident when i am driving the routes i know and if there aren't many cars about...this is basically because i haven't really put myself into situations where i've been driving in busy traffic etc. i hope my friend does understand ok. she doesn't drive you see, some people just think well if you can drive you can drive and thats all there is to it! my MIL as well as she is annoyed i haven't driven up to see her with the baby, but i don't think that is going to happen. i will take the advice that when hubby minds the baby i will drive by myself then when i am more confident hubby can sit in the back with the baby a good bit down the line. i feel i am a good enough driver but its just that i am not very confident and am worried about concentration but if i go at times i am feeling well then it won't be an issue. i can't afford any more lessons.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/11/2011 21:05

Op I am Shock at this!