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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give my dc bread-and-butter for supper every schoolnight?

147 replies

PrettyCandles · 29/11/2011 19:12

I am fed up fed up cooking good meals. One will eat this but not that, one will have a screaming tantrum because it's not what they wanted (did they tell me what they wanted? ), one will refuse without tasting because 'it's disgusting' - and inevitably likes it when they actually try it.

Oh you've heard it all before!

They have hot school dinners, though how much they actually eat is anyone's guess.

I refuse point-blank to cook two different dinners.

So WIBBU to only cook for myself and dh, and give the dc bread-and-butter?

OP posts:

maypole1 · 01/12/2011 12:59

What the he'll should you on top of the dinner you already make and the money you spend now go and by cold cuts and hummus

God no wonder children are like they are fussy and demanding

When your Childs at school I very much doubt they are providing hummus

CheerfulYank · 01/12/2011 13:14

I would love for some posters to go to the Horn of Africa, for instance, and whine about "this mum who offers her children a good dinner and then if they don't want it, feeds them homemade bread instead!" Yes, how negligent she would seem.

FFS.

startail · 01/12/2011 13:17

Pasta hoops or soup and organise it your self is my answer to extreme fussing.
Main dish is often cooked in two pans to start with to separate out DD2 unacceptable veg.
They are 10 and 13 and perfectly capable of sorting out themselves if they want to be truly painful.

Hardgoing · 01/12/2011 14:11

In our school, they don't offer a school packed lunch or rolls in the winter, to ensure that everyone having school dinners (including all those who get them free) really have a proper meal and not just a sandwich.

northernwreck · 01/12/2011 14:13

I just wouldn't offer a choice. Eat what I have made, or be hungry.

A lot of kids will eat only bread if that is what is on offer.Homemade bread is better than shop bread, but it's not a balanced meal.

And we don't live in the Horn of Africa, and we do have a choice what we feed our kids.

lisaro · 01/12/2011 14:13

Op. As have you, for adding to what you originally said. Thanks for the biscuit, but instead concentrate on feeding your children properly.

maypole1 · 01/12/2011 14:58

Hardgoing so if they have a hot meal at school with no choice why the he'll are people telling the op to give her children baps for dinner I never heard which shit in my life

Op give your children a hot meal unless you are poor or can't cook or are disabled in some way baps or hummus are not expectable dinners for children in the evening

If ,y child stayed at someone home and all the got for sinner was cold cuts and hummus I would not be to pleased

CheerfulYank · 01/12/2011 15:36

Yes, northern, but some kids will not eat. Really. Some kids are just uber-fussy and will eat if given the old "this is what we have, eat it or don't". Which is the way it goes at my house, actually. But some will not eat, and what the OP is asking is whether she would be U to just let them eat the side of bread and butter and not turn meals into a battleground.

I do not think she is BU. Maybe they'll get tired of B&B, and she can also insist that they try a few bites before getting bread.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 01/12/2011 16:04

Well we often have cold meals or 'cold cuts and hummus' for dinner. DD has just eaten seed crackers, cheese, a bit of cold chicken and ham pie, raw peppers, cucumber and radishes for her tea. With a drink of cold water. That's her dinner and she'll have nothing else before bed. She even ate it from a lunchbox at her request. Could I care.

At lunchtime she had roast chicken, jacket potato, yorkshire pudding, carrots, peas, sweetcorn and gravy. Jam sponge and custard, yoghurt and fruit. Milk in the afternoon and a tangerine for snack. Bran flakes, semi skimmed milk and raisins for breakfast.

According to some on here that's a terrible diet and I'm a negligent parent. Which is hilarious really!

Ragwort · 01/12/2011 16:50

maypole - my DS is sometimes given chicken nuggets and chips** when he goes for tea with friends - I don't really care - but I am sure hummas and cold cuts is a much healthier meal !

** and I am not talking about home made goujons served with jacket potato wedges !

Moominsarescary · 01/12/2011 17:06

My children only have one hot meal a day, ds1 had beef curry with rice, ds2 had chicken , potatoes, veg, Yorkshire pudding. I've made Spanish chicken. They don't want it after having a big meal earlier on. They will have salad, tuna cold potatoes and fruit, I wouldn't want curry then later Spanish chicken, it would be too much.

northernwreck · 01/12/2011 17:40

Er..this thread has nothing whatsoever to do with hot food versus cold food!

northernwreck · 01/12/2011 17:45

I get that some kids are really fussy eater CY. Although I wonder if there are any fussy eaters on the Horn of Africa

valiumredhead · 01/12/2011 17:45

Well it has now!

headfairy · 01/12/2011 17:57

prettycandles I feel your pain, and I'm quite surprised this has divided people so much, but then those that are lucky to not have a fussy eater probably don't understand how soul destroying it is to have every meal pushed away uneaten.

Is this going to turn in to the next ff/bf sahm/wohm debate?

Ds started life eating everything, curries, kedgeree, meat, fish, vegetables. Whatever you put in front of him. Suddenly aged 2.5 he decided he only liked chicken nuggets, fish fingers, pizza, chips and pasta. I'm afraid I'm one of those dreadful people who make two meals, one for the fussy eater and one for the rest of us. But I do stretch the boundaries of what ds will eat. The chicken nuggets I made last week were actually turkey escalopes, once they were veal escalops :o Oh and he apparently hates home made chips, so I told him they weren't homemade and were posh ones. He ate the lot :o

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 01/12/2011 18:10

there's not much to do with hot/cold food in the OP, no, but several people have siad something along the lines of 'make them a hot meal' implying it's the lack of heat/effort and not nutrition that we're on about.

Clearly it makes no difference nutritionally if a child eats hot pie or cold pie. In fact most vegetables are much healthier raw. So if we were to have a hot food/cold food debate that would come into it.

Regardless for me it's a hunger thing. If I'm not hungry, I don't eat. If I am hungry, I do. No matter the time on the clock. Today I had lunch at 10.30am, I was hungry. I've not eaten since, as I'm now not. Last night I asked DD if she wanted any dinner, she said she wasn't hungry, so I didn't make her anything. Tonight she had 'cold cuts'. I tend to eat two meals a day, she tends towards three, I usually have one light and one substantial, she tends to two light and one substantial - it's the average over the course of the day/week that matters.

I don't see the point of providing a big meal in the evening every night without fail even when noone in the house is hungry, or planning a meal well in advance that noone then fancies - it's not going to be appetising, is it? It would just be a waste of food?

CheerfulYank · 01/12/2011 19:00

There probably aren't Northern. :) And I personally am of the "this is what we have, if you're hungry you'll eat it" school, but then again DS is not picky. And if he hasn't eaten much and asks politely for a piece of toast before bed, I give him one.

My niece and nephew (if you care to search I've started a few threads about them :o) are picky eaters because they are allowed to be, I firmly believe that.

But as far as the OP goes, if she offers them the food and they don't eat it, I can see her just feeling like, whatever, let them have bread and butter then. I don't think she's being U for doing it.

northernwreck · 01/12/2011 19:02

Nah, is like cats. They hate Kit-e Kat, love Whiskas. They refuse the Kit-e-Kat. You keep giving it to them
Eventually they get really hungry and drag half dead birds into the house...Oh, no, wait...

headfairy · 01/12/2011 19:03

I think MissScarlett has a very healthy approach to food. I'm trying to teach ds to eat when he's hungry, rather than because it's a meal time. My sister has huge battles with her two dds, making them clear their plates every time. I'm not keen if ds says he doesn't like something without trying, but beyond that, if he's not hungry then I don't push it. I can't tell what his stomach feels like.

Moominsarescary · 01/12/2011 22:21

The thing is people are shouting give them a hot meal, b+b every night is abuse I'd phone ss, the op has said she offers them a hot meal, they don't want it, lots of people don't want two substantial hot meals a day what is wrong with that?

I'm sure if op had come on saying they won't eat their dinner AIBU to tell them they eat it or get nothing, people would still be comming on saying you are making them go hungry I'd phone ss

Sometimes you just can't win

Theas18 · 01/12/2011 23:11

Cook a family meal don't make a central feature of it something one or other doesn't like but equally serve side dishes that " are not my favourite" ( ds dislikes carrots abut at 15 still has o have a teeny bit!). Then, in this house the rule is try a bit - maybe 2 teaspoons and if you really don't like it there is weetabix or bread and marmite. Fruit for pud anyway pretty much all the time.

They had a hot meal at lunch , have been offered a meal at tea time and fruit has been given plus carbohydrate " padding" to stave off hunger pangs - they aren't going to be malnourished but might get bored enough to eat a bit mor of the main family meal!

Alligatorpie · 02/12/2011 08:36

My dd is a fussy eater and it drives me insane. One day she likes things, he next day she won't touch it.
i would be happy if she ate hommus, cheese or jacket potatoes or any kind of sauce on pasta. In order to stop the fighting, we ( dh does most of the cooking, ) will give her some grilled chicken, avocado, raw veg ( we never cook veg except root veggies) and bread for dinner. She pretty much eats the same for lunch and breakfast is peanut butter on toast or Muslie / bran flakes and fruit. She loves almost all fruit and veg, so that is what she she snacks on. She will eat eggs on toast sometimes, but if she had her way she would get chicken nuggets and fries 7 days a week. I et her eat it once a week.

Maybe we are indulging her, but if I don't like something,i don't think I should be forced to eat it. I think that is setting her up or having food issues down the road.

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