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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my dc bread-and-butter for supper every schoolnight?

147 replies

PrettyCandles · 29/11/2011 19:12

I am fed up fed up cooking good meals. One will eat this but not that, one will have a screaming tantrum because it's not what they wanted (did they tell me what they wanted? Hmm), one will refuse without tasting because 'it's disgusting' - and inevitably likes it when they actually try it.

Oh you've heard it all before!

They have hot school dinners, though how much they actually eat is anyone's guess.

I refuse point-blank to cook two different dinners.

So WIBBU to only cook for myself and dh, and give the dc bread-and-butter?

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 30/11/2011 23:01

I once read about another mum in this situation and she said to her children "you either eat this or there is toast or fruit" those were the only choices. It seemed to work well for her.

minimisschief · 30/11/2011 23:29

It is actually simple.

Cook a meal. If they eat it then great if they do not they go hungry. Do not give alternatives.

They soon clock on

lisaro · 30/11/2011 23:40

It's all very well cooking the same limited range of meals day in day out, but I get bored of carrots, broccoli and cabbage day in day out. How is that teaching them to enjoy a range of foods? How is that fair on those of us who would like peas or ratatouille? And so on with virtually every food.

It's not rocket science - cook more than one veg - most people do anyway. I am still really shocked at your attitude to feeding your children.

heroinahalfshell · 01/12/2011 00:01

I simply cannot believe there are people here who think it is acceptable to give their children bread and butter for dinner.

How shockingly lazy and negligent. I would seriously consider calling social services if I knew for sure someone was doing thisas a matter of course.

Arguments at the dinner table shocker? Welcome to parenthood. Jeez. I am honestly horrified.

Himalaya · 01/12/2011 00:13

Op - I feel your pain!

I agree the problem is refusing to ever cook two meals means giving up on stuff you like because the DCs don't.

I sometimes do two meals where one is a plainer, less mixed up version of the other. So we have Thai red chicken curry and kids have plain chicken, rice and cucumber and a try of the curry, or kids have burgers and we have chilli con carne etc...

I don't think there is any right or wrong - you do what you can to stay sane. If you basically buy healthy food, the kids won't starve themselves, even if they eat more peanut butter sandwiches than you would like.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 01/12/2011 00:18

There is no way I would give my dc bread and butter for supper. Both dc have very different palates. DS loves sauces, gravy, casseroles, etc., but hates mash, mousse, chocolate ice-cream, buns, scones, fruit cake, etc. DD will only eat dry food - will not touch a gravy or a casserole although loves cheese sauce and creamy sauces (a bit now) but loves mousse and mash, and buns and scones and fruit cake, (and pickles) etc. I think it's a texture thing. When we have shepherds pie (ds will eat that mash), dd will have a burger or a chop. Actually DD lives on a burger, chop, chicken breast, piece of fish grilled or fried in a bit of butter with the same veg that we have.

I have always been pleased that both children love: meat, vegetables, fish, cheese, fruit, yoghurt, cereals, bread, olives, smoked salmon, soused herrings, etc.. They just like them served in different ways. I don't know why. They come from the same stable and have been offered the same things. I just adapt a bit.

I've always been grateful that the like the good stuff but just like it presentedin different ways. They also like lots of the bad stuff: pizza, sweets, chocolate, ribena, fruit shoots Shock, McDonalds, etc., but a bit of what you like form time to time does no harm.

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 01/12/2011 00:22

I do cook more than one veg. Always two, and often three. But that still means that carrots, broccoli or cabbage appear at every main meal. However that still leaves beans, peas, okra, sweetcorn, celery, chicory, Chinese cabbage, mushrooms, aubergine, cooked peppers, kale, artichokes etc that we don't get to eat - certainly not as a dish. Not to mention quinoa, buckwheat, pearl barley and other grains.

I suppose I could make a vat of soup to keep in the fridge, and serve up for children's supper 3 times a week. Then I'd only be cooking two suppers once a week.

EightiesChick, dc1 won't eat beans (baked or otherwise) and is the most picky. Dc2 is generally a good eater with a few dislikes, is dairy intolerant, and flies off the handle very easily. Dc3 is not keen on potatoes in any form (has only this year started enjoying chips), dislikes tuna mayo, and is also dairy intolerant. Dc3 is the rude one.

Dc1 has learned not to make a fuss and just to leave what he dislikes. He is not a big eater, and looks it. Is often content to go to bed having apparently filled up on air for supper.

OP posts:
EightiesChick · 01/12/2011 00:23

heroinahalfshell Come on! You would seriously call social services because someone, who has been cooking full meals for their DC that won't eat them, gives them bread and butter instead? Get a grip. I know it's AIBU but hand-wringing at that level really isn't merited. Social workers have their plates full already with kids who are actually being abused and neglected.

lisaro · 01/12/2011 00:26

Ok, you've googled veg. Well done. IT's amazing how you keep changing your story. Just use the energy you've used on this thread to feed your children properly, instead of the crappy bread and butter you initially admitted to.

EightiesChick · 01/12/2011 00:26

OP, personally I would go the other way and just do one vegetable at every meal, preferably one at least a few of you like. The one(s) who don't can miss veg for one meal. It won't kill them, and they could have a piece of fruit instead. At least that way you do't get veg cooking fatigue and you can rotate the day's vegetable more often, rather tha everyone getting bored of the 3rd run of cabbage that week.

I'll come back to the permutations of who likes what tomorrow - really have to go to bed now.

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 01/12/2011 00:34

Might I just remind the Shocked posters that I am only proposing to do this on school nights, ie Monday through Thursday. That's 4 dinners out of 7. Plus the bread would be good quality, nutritious and home-made. They're hardly going to suffer malnutrition from this.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrettyCandles · 01/12/2011 00:44

Lisaro I haven't googled veg, I've ogled veg. I went shopping today and ogled all the lovely veg that there was no point buying. In the end I bought beetroot, which I served roasted in balsamic and olive oil. It was delicious. None of the dc would eat it. Two ate the green beans. Cabbage again.

I have not changed my story at any point. I have never claimed that I feed my dc on b-and-b, and certainly not 'crappy' b-and-b.

And serving b-and-b is not just about giving me the chance to laze about, but about the chance of having a peaceful, unpressured, dinner for the dc, followed perhaps by a peaceful, flavoursome, dinner for dh and me. What an awful mother I must be, to want to make a peaceful, harmonious, home!

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 01/12/2011 00:47

Im even more Shock now you've said you are really going to do it!

I thought you were just sounding off!

Blimey.

lisaro · 01/12/2011 00:49

Why not eat with them, or is that too much? Teach them that mealtimes can be pleasant family time, eating or not. I just have the impression you keep looking for an easy way to feed them, shut them up and get them out of your hair.

TheFrogs · 01/12/2011 01:02

Oh I feel it, I do.

Ds will eat almost anything so long as it isn't "wet", no sauces at all. (dont know how much of this is due to his dyspraxia). I tried when he was younger on HV advice but he would actually vomit into his plate Sad

Dd wont eat any meat, loves sauces.

Ds likes veg, dd hates veg.

I have ibs, have to be careful.

Dinner is almost always three meals.

Both my kids had home cooked meals as babies, no jars, no salt, no crap, no junk, no chips. I have no idea why they are so fussy..they didn't get it from me, I didn't watch my diet then, I didn't have ibs then.

Its a nightmare!

CheerfulYank · 01/12/2011 01:29

I don't think YABU actually.

A few nights a week cook what you want to eat. Tell you DCs that they must try a few bites and if they don't like it they can have homemade bread, cheese (for the ones who can eat it), and fruit for dessert.

The other nights I would alternate soup and scrambled eggs since they will eat those.

Some of you need to get a grip.

Original poster
PrettyCandles · 01/12/2011 07:15

Lisaro you have a fabulous talent for selecting part of what I'm posting and putting a completely opposite spin on it.

Have a Biscuit

OP posts:
Ragwort · 01/12/2011 07:40

I agree that so many mums people seem 'obsessed' with hot meals - my DS takes a packed lunch to school but evening meals are often - bread/cheese/ham/hummas/cold fish/salad/fruit/milk wine (for me Grin) - so long as you cover the majority of the food groups food does not have to be 'hot' - I got this tip from Mumsnet years ago and it has made life so much simpler. You can always add veg. soup if you want something warm.

MrsFruitcake · 01/12/2011 08:09

One dinner for all in my house. My DCs aren't too fussy, maybe as a result of this? I personally wouldn't give bread and butter as a main evening meal, even if my DC had had a school lunch. It feels wrong to me - although I do know someone who gives all 4 of her DCs cereal for supper. DD got invited round to tea and was asked whether she wanted Cheerios or Sugar Puffs!

My DD did have hot school lunch for a while but that all stopped when her teacher told me she was only eating the pudding, and I had been thinking that it didn't matter too much what she ate at supper time.

Moominsarescary · 01/12/2011 08:20

Ring ss ffs, while your at it maybe you should mention all those bad parents who send their dc to school with a sandwhich.

Maybe if they are having a hot meal at school they don't want another one at night, mine wouldn't. They only have one hot meal a day as long as they are having a range of food groups and a balanced diet who cares if it's hot or not.

acebaby · 01/12/2011 08:40

I feel your pain OP! No prob with bread and butter as a meal, but if you are concerned, you could have a 'platter' of things like ham, humous, tomatoes, cheeses that the whole family could select from - you as a side dish and the dc's as their meal. It really is zero effort, and will encourage the dc's to eat according to their appetites. They may just not be very hungry if they have already eaten at school.

Moominsarescary · 01/12/2011 09:03

I agree with ace if they don't want the meals you cook and would rather just it b+b offer them platter type food

northernwreck · 01/12/2011 11:35

I don't think the issue is with "hot or not" is it?
I didn't think the OP said she was going to give them a selections of cold cuts/hummus/cheese plus bread.
She said bread and butter. Just bread and butter, which is why some people are a bit shocked.
IMO, and indeed in my house, there are no alternatives, just whats for tea.
I have been in too many houses where the kids won't eat their tea, and they get bread and butter, or cereal instead, and guess what? They have b and b or cereal for tea every night!

valiumredhead · 01/12/2011 12:24

I was hoping a nutritionist would post and explain about the hot meal thing. There IS one on MN as she's posted before.

maypole1 · 01/12/2011 12:56

cjbartlett soup,bread and butter won't be enough when they hit puberty

Plus in ties in with leaning to get on with things my sister has a fussy eater finds in very difficult to get a baby-sitter people don't like watching children who won't eat or won't go to bed

In my house I make one meal chosen by me determined by the weather and how much time I have

Of they don't. Want it fine bread and butter and nothing else for the rest of the day and certainly no sweet things end of I am not running a ask restaurant were orders are taken

And to those who many many different meals and pander you have to much time on your hand and are storing up lots of trouble for the future

And saying well one hot meal a day is enough you have no way of knowing they are choosing a hot meal they could be having a bap a cheese which my sister found her fussy daughter was having for the last year

Personally I just think small children should jolly do as their told