To give my dc bread-and-butter for supper every schoolnight?

[PrettyCandles]

I am fed up fed up cooking good meals. One will eat this but not that, one will have a screaming tantrum because it's not what they wanted (did they tell me what they wanted? ), one will refuse without tasting because 'it's disgusting' - and inevitably likes it when they actually try it.

Oh you've heard it all before!

They have hot school dinners, though how much they actually eat is anyone's guess.

I refuse point-blank to cook two different dinners.

So WIBBU to only cook for myself and dh, and give the dc bread-and-butter?

Bread and butter for every evening meal? YABU. They need a balanced diet. And like you said you dont' even know what kind of meal or how much of it was eaten, so if I was you I'd have to give a properly balanced diet.
Both my kids can be fussy, and not eat a huge variety of food. But they would eat a choice of about 4 proteins (chicken, egg, salmon, fish, pork), 4 starches (rice, noodles, pasta, potatoes) and a few veggies and fruit and yogurt for dessert.
If my 3yr old does not eat what on offer he might later geta snack near bedtime with him milk. With my 15 month old I'd just give her what she wants to eat provided that it's healthy.

i meant you don't know how much lunch they'd eaten.

Im amazed at people who think a cooked school dinner covers the 'dinner' requirement of the day!

Have you actually seen what they get?

Having a cooked school meal at mid day does not mean you dont need a decent meal in the evening.

OP, to 'teach them a lesson' yes maybe dish up bread and butter, but no to doing it on a permanent basis.

I think the frustration of watching them eat a limited diet would do my head in more than them refusing to eat currently - it would just seem so inherently wrong nutrition wise.
If they are being fussy at dinner with you how do you know that they are not being fussy at school so not really eating well/enough there?
That could contribute to low blood sugar level in the evenings making it all the more likely they will kick off with you re meals, but equally all the more important you do the bigger meal thing at night?
Most kids will eat pasta + some sort of sauce - easy to buy/bulk make and freeze with lots of hidden veggies. Add lots of ham and cheese and sweetcorn to decent thinn based pizzas? Decent sausages and really good quality chicken goujons, with mash and gravy? Even if you do this sort of stuff most evening, if not all....
They do need to learn a balanced attitude towards food.
All too often it is a power thing, nothing to do with food at all. My DD would refuse to eat food with me that she would quite happily eat with her Grandma!

I have a stash of frozen (homecooked!) food for my children after school- they can choose what they want then to some extent, and it is very quick to do.

My youngest is very very fussy, so he tends to opt for 'casserole' or bolognaise tbh. At least with 'casserole' I can give him variety without him realising

Amberleaf, I've seen what my children get for school dinner at school and it is home-cooked dinners of a typical nature to those people eat in the evening, such as roast dinner, lasagne, sausages and mash and so on. They always have vegetables and always a pudding.

I am happy for them to have most of their calories in that meal, if they had another pasta-based meal in the evening with another pudding, that would be too many calories. So, the evening meal is naturally lighter, so soup and protein, lots of veggies, jacket potato but they don't need another roast dinner or even a lasagne if they have already eaten one at lunch time.

Obviously if the school meals are substandard, or you know your child doesn't eat them (mine have seconds) then it's different.

But two full meals a day is a lot even for a growing child, I can't really get why you don't see a sandwich and an apple isn't the same amount of calories at lunch as a full meal with dessert (e.g. cake).

If we had screaming tantrums over a meal in this house, it would be straight up to their room until they could behave. There is no excuse for rudeness even if you do have kids with food issues.

I would not offer any bread of butter as an alternative, I would put food in the middle of the table and serve a little or a lot as said up thread. I would also make sure I cooked something that I knew they wouldn't actually gag on, and leave it at that.

My DS is really fussy and I was running myself ragged by making several different meals plus working full time..

I've now given up and she has the same as us, if she refuses and doesn't like it then she doesn't eat, it's as simple as that. I'm actually surprised at how much she does now eat. It just goes to show that they will play you if they can but once they realise they don't get it their own way they'll tow the line.

The portions they serve for school dinners at primary are tiny! Ok for a petite infant but not for my active boys who would need bread and butter for a snack at 4 and then a full hot meal at 6. I sometimes do soup, sandwich and pudding as an evening meal but bread and butter would not be enough! (They are not overweight, by the way).

I don't cook more than one meal either.

prettycandles I'm right with you.
I have one fussy eater and 2 who'll eat anything. DS1 will not touch any kind of "wet" food. Nor will he eat egg, tuna, pasta, rice. He does eat veg and fruit though.
It does my head in! It's not "nurture" creating a fussy eater, the other 2 were treated and fed exactly the same with the added detractor of a really bad example in their big brother and they put many children to shame with their appetite and willingness to try things!
DS1 has school dinners, the school will tell me (or so he thinks) if he is not eating a reasonable amount and this "qualifies" him to have a sandwich/ yoghurt/ cucumber/fruit tea. If he HASN'T been eating at school (trying to sneak a sandwich option instead of the hot dinner) then he has to have what the others are having be it fish fingers or chilli or stew. This has made us all much happier.
YANBU at all to try to retain your sanity and stop wasting food and energy.

Exactly wigglybeezer !
hardgoing its not the content of the school meals as such, more the portion size, also if you read the menus it sounds ok, but is often not what actually ends up on the plate.

IMO school meals are not bad but I wouldnt rely on them to provide the main sustinance[sp] for the day.

My children are starving ready for their dinner when they get home, school meals dont keep them going for long. they are no where near overweight and they have a sensible breakfast at home [porridge/weetabix or toast]

Cant remember who said it, but I also agree with the serving dishes on the table and let them help themselves.

This attitude that children need two hot meals a day is one of the reasons why we have a problem with obesity. So are portion sizes and allowing children to snack.

If they have had a proper meal at school, there is absolutely no need for them to have hot food in the evening.

What's wrong with children being hungry by the time they have their evening meal? There is nothing abnormal with them being hungry by the time their next meal is due. Or are they fainting with hunger on their 12 mile walk home from school?

'This attitude that children need two hot meals a day is one of the reasons why we have a problem with obesity' ?? - I would have thought the average hot meal would be lower calorie than the snack that would replace it.

Re school meals: one of my DC once came home with a sticker saying they had eaten all their vegetables. Once - in 10 years of school between them! I tend to assume they eat very little nuritionally at school and try to pack it into the evening meal.

In parts of europe sandwiches are not considered a meal ever, just a snack. Whether the meals are hot or not does not determine whether a child is obese or not. I think the sandwiches + crisp lunches + sweets packed lunches are much more the reasons for the obesity. This one hot meal a day thing is a pecularly British idea.

Well, I do try to get mine to eat protein for breakfast as well as fruit, so even just nuts, apples and a piece of toast, or ham or cheese, something substantial. I am more worried about that than cooking a huge meal in the evening, because my two have already had two lots of protein by then.

If you eat crappy sweet cereal (which we do occasionally) for breakfast, not much of a school dinner for lunch, and then bread and butter for dinner, it wouldn't be a very nutritious diet and it's very carb heavy.

I wouldn't recommend bread and butter only for tea (why not soup and a jacket potato?) but I also think if they do eat their school dinners, there's less onus to provide a full calorie meal in the evenings. I am not sure why those who say their children don't really eat their school dinners don't make them a packed lunch, they are bloody expensive, and I only pay for them knowing they get a two-course (plus juice or even goat's milk!) meal that is quite substantial. I know they are substantial as they don't come out starving like they do if they had sandwiches.

tmmj- but that clearly isn't the problem with the OP and her children. Her children are happy with a bread meal at the end of the day, and well fed in the context of their diet as a whole.

I had this problem with my two, (still do to some extent!) but was helped by challenging dd (then 10 I think) to come up with 7 meals they would both like. She did this quickly and it is permanently posted on the fridge, which does help to inspire me when I am stuck. Most of the things are pretty simple. I do still do other things sometimes, and expect them to try new things.

DS is only 6 and still has young child tantrums about food sometimes, but he usually eats it in the end. DD has now complicated things further by turning veggie, but I don't mind that nearly as much as irrational fussiness about the look of something or just because they would prefer something else!

My DD has been too knackered and full up after school and she was constantly grumpy and stress would ensue over dinner refusal.

She has hot dinners at school and I thankfully knows she eats them - so we've agreed to only do snacky food in the evening. She really likes having a selection of cold stuff to eat - carrot, cucumber, breadsticks, ham etc.