Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a midwife shouldn't say to a woman in the middle of labour...

60 replies

Roseflower · 28/11/2011 22:45

..."So you'll be going on a crash diet once the baby is out then?"

Said while Im lying naked, in pain and feeling completly degraded in front of room full of people as it without this comment?

I gave birth to my daughter 6 weeks ago, and aside from actually meeting my dd I feel really sad this comment from the midwife is my overiding memory of dd2 birth.

Now, I fully admit I did pile on a lot of weight in this pregnancy and yes, I do need to lose it, but really- does this need to mentioned in the middle of labour? When Im in pain and feeling very vunreable and literally exposed?

And aren't crash diets really bad news anyway?

Am AIBU to feel upset at this comment?

If it's true I need to lose weight then should accept she is only pointing out the obvious?

I was really hoping for a postive birth experience this time round and I feel quite upset the midwife needed to say this tbh

OP posts:
Bourbonchops · 28/11/2011 22:47

YANBU. Spiteful woman.

1Catherine1 · 28/11/2011 22:47

HOW RUDE!!!

YANBU to be upset. She should have been more professional.

NewsClippings · 28/11/2011 22:48

YANBU, what an insensitive and unprofessional comment Angry

WhatIsPi · 28/11/2011 22:48

That is upsetting and medical professionals can say the most insensitive things at the most insensitive time but if that is really the worst of your labour then you've done well. And I dont say that in a mean way.

Just dismiss her as a bit of an arsehole as you would meeting someone who said that in any other situation.

helpmabob · 28/11/2011 22:48

I am sorry, that would upset me too. It is possible she was just trying to be lighthearted and says this to all mums, thinking it is funny.

Viewofthehills · 28/11/2011 22:49

yanbu. Totally out of order. Not constructive and inappropriate.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 28/11/2011 22:49

she is a very brave midwife..... my poor DH only had to say the wrong thing in labour and i bite his head off.

AnonyMaw · 28/11/2011 22:51

YANBU, that's a shocking thing to say!

Original poster
Roseflower · 28/11/2011 22:52

Thank you for your comments.

I have tried to see it in a positive way such as maybe she was pointing out for my health sake I should lose weight- but I still can't move past the fact it was in labour.

Not a great memory to have of my daughters birth... I guess I need to try and forget it somehow

OP posts:
himynameisfred · 28/11/2011 22:52

Nurses often have dark senses of humour in my experience, she was probably trying to make light of the situation and make you laugh.

Very bad timing though!

I had a nurse give me a great big pethadine injection in my thigh, and the injection was more painful than the labour itself, I screamed!
She said I must have a pretty low pain threshhold, well I did bloody well the next time with no pain releif and didn't scream once. Maybe she needed to sort out how she threw the bloody needle into me, before basically calling me a wimp. She was RUDE.

WowOoo · 28/11/2011 22:52

Oh just forget and ignore. She's obviously a twat. maybe the type who doesn't know what to say so says anything.

perfumedlife · 28/11/2011 22:54

Unbelievably rude!

I was in labour and had a sneery midwife mock me for having put my make up on that morning, announced she would love to see the state of it in an hour, and wasn't being chatty!

Some folk are in the wrong job. Congratulations on your baby though Smile

TunaTiebacks · 28/11/2011 22:54

YANBU! How awful. Was it part of a conversation or did she just randomly just come out with it? Not that it matters either way really. How rude.

And congratulations on DD2!

clappyhands · 28/11/2011 22:54

aahhh Roseflower
i had a MW say something similar
i had just given birth and she came into the delivery suite, looked at chart and said "only 7lbs - i thought you were going to have a big baby, but i see you are just a big mummy" mmmmm

my how we all laughed Grin and still do

funny thing was, she was 5ft tall and approx 5 ft wide herself

SantasBigSack · 28/11/2011 22:55

I was minding my own business during later, just puffing away on the gas and air..a few sparse moany noises when the contractions really hit...when the midwife came marching over, PUT HER HAND OVER MY MOUTH and said "for christ sake would you ever shut up..Im sick of listening to ya..."

Naturally enough, I complained.

SantasBigSack · 28/11/2011 22:56

*during labour

Original poster
Roseflower · 28/11/2011 22:56

Im not sure she was trying to be funny... she kept talking about her weight a lot, i.e how thin she was and said the baby would probably have "chubby cheeks just like me"

I was constantly hot in labour so needed a fan and kept saying she wished could switch it off because she is so thin the cold was getting to her.

She also told DH and my mum (birth partners) not to help me move etc as I "would put my their poor backs out".

Of course they helped me anyway.

OP posts:
BendyBob · 28/11/2011 22:56

Sad Blimey how unkind and spiteful.

I do often wonder when I hear stories like this what motivates some people to go into what are known to be caring professions. Do they lose the ability to care over time or did they ever even have it to begin with?Hmm

dontforget2scream · 28/11/2011 22:57

YANBU - what a stupid, insensitive, hurtful and completely wrong thing to say. How dare she!!

I still remember vividly a midwife commenting (post-birth) on how bad my stretch-marks were. I needed looking after, not comments on my appearance.

Congratulations on your new baby - your body has just done an amazing thing (be proud of it)

Original poster
Roseflower · 28/11/2011 22:58

I mean "chubby cheeks just like mum". Opps.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 28/11/2011 22:58

In a similar vein, I stood up, naked, from the birthing pool to have the heartbeat monitored and a young midwife said 'Oh, you're all baby aren't you?' remarking that I was not heavy anywhere else. Now, that may be meant as a compliment but I also felt uncomfortable that my physcial appearance was being commented on when I was in a vulnerable, naked position and in bad pain. It just feels inappropriate, and as though it's minimising the massive trauma your body is undergoing right then and there.

It's like commenting over a dying man that he's a lovely shade of yellow, it's wrong on every level.

splashymcsplash · 28/11/2011 22:59

Very inappropriate.

I would have also wondered whether she meant it as a joke, and maybe spoke before she thought?

Best now to forget anyway. Enjoy your baby!

Original poster
Roseflower · 28/11/2011 23:00

"I also felt uncomfortable that my physcial appearance was being commented on when I was in a vulnerable, naked position and in bad pain. It just feels inappropriate, and as though it's minimising the massive trauma your body is undergoing right then and there."

Yes perfumed I think you have articulated my feelings quite well, I felt the same

OP posts:
WhatIsPi · 28/11/2011 23:00

Roseflower - honestly, they say the most awful things. Don't continue to worry about why she said it - she is just one of those people - not worth wasting your time thinking about.

I dont think that you can ever have the absolutely perfect labour with it all being exactly how you imagine. Just as theres always a screaming baby at a wedding - it doesnt take anything away from what actually happened - its just an opportunity for you and dh to reminisce about the unbelievably rude midwife.

perfumedlife · 28/11/2011 23:00

OP she sounds like she has many weight issues the more you say. Pity her, but complain too, other mums don't need it either.