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Original poster

should i let 12 year old have facebook

83 replies

jammydodger1 · 27/11/2011 16:32

dd1 has just turned 12 years old, started high school and has grown up immensely recently, she is badgering me for a facebook account, you have to be 13 to have an account but all her friends have one and she wont stop going on about it, 6 months ago she created an account without my knowledge (but foolishly tagged a friend of mine so i closed it down) now she started again, would you let your child have an account which you could access and monitor?

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 27/11/2011 16:33

No

Nanny0gg · 27/11/2011 16:33

No.
But if you're going to give in, make sure you set her settings and you are a friend so you can monitor what goes on.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 16:34

I would say yes, as long as you know the passwords, know how facebook works properly, and what signs to look for, and monitor it.

I am fairly sure the age 13 ruling is more specific to the USA too.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 27/11/2011 16:37

No.

squeaky their t and cs apply here too.

Catsmamma · 27/11/2011 16:38

I would, and did.

The rules were I must be on the friends list (and unrestricted) know the password and if I found anyone on there who they did not know I would close it down.

They spent very little time on the computer though, and even now they still share the computer. Although dd now 16 is very adept at fb-ing on her phone.

I'd be wary if she has her own laptop/phone access and a little hmmmm too given that she already defied you. So a stern talk maybe if you do decide to go ahead.

Sparklingbrook · 27/11/2011 16:38

We have just let DS (13 in 6 months) have one. He has 37 friends already but he knows them all mainly friends from school and family. He is not allowed to put any photos of himself on.

I know his password and check the account each day. He is mainly using it to play games with his friends at the moment, and he isn't on it all the time.

tanfastic · 27/11/2011 16:39

I would say yes but only because I think she'll go ahead and do it anyway without your knowledge if you say no. If you do make sure you have a Facebook account yourself and can massively monitor it and make sure you are really au fait with how it works.

My niece is 14 and has added me as a friend on Facebook. Her mum and dad (my brother and sister in law) know nothing about Facebook and don't monitor anything. I am shocked by some of the things she puts on there and i'm not easily shocked to be honest. As we have the same surname I recently got a private message from one of her "friends" mums who asked if I was her mum because she'd been bullying her daughter on Facebook. I felt obliged to have a quiet word with my husband to speak to her parents about it.

You really will have to be friends with her and know her password etc.

picnicbasketcase · 27/11/2011 16:42

Only if you're going to keep a very very close eye on it - my friend's 12 yo os on my friend's list and I don't think she checks it - she'd be a bit Shock if she did, the amount of swearing between what are, after all, still children is quite astounding. I don't think I'd ever heard many of those words when I was 12 but the girl in question and her friends throw them around like anything.

Original poster
jammydodger1 · 27/11/2011 16:44

she doesnt have her own lap top but I cant even add a smiley face to the end of my messgaes so my computer knowledge very limited and am worried about being exposed to the www! i dont understand what the difference is between the chats she has on line through msn and facebook and why facebook so much more important?

OP posts:
exexpat · 27/11/2011 16:45

I would (and did) let DS have FB before the official age - in fact the majority of his friends set them up between leaving primary and starting secondary because they were all going to different schools and it was the easiest way to stay in touch as a group. Also, in his case, keeping in touch with friends and family overseas (he was born and went to school abroad for years).

He's now 13, yr9, and FB is the main way he and his current group of friends communicate. We haven't had any issues with inappropriate use, but I have kept a check on his privacy settings etc, and been stern about only being friends with people he knows in real life.

The age-13 thing is because of US data protection laws, rather than restricting access to inappropriate material, which is equally well a problem when they are over 13 - there is no substitute for parental supervision and educating children about online safety.

usualsuspect · 27/11/2011 16:46

yes

catsareevil · 27/11/2011 16:46

She isnt old enough to have facebook, so she would have to register with a fake DOB, which might not be sending the best message about honesty.

What would she do when she hits 13? Close that account and open a new one with her real DOB, or just keep the fake one?

reelingintheyears · 27/11/2011 16:47

I wouldn't.
SILs have their DDs on FB who are 9 and ten year olds.

DD and Dss won't add them either,Their fbs are not entirely suitable for that age group. BlushShock

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 16:48

If your computer knowledge is so basic, with regards to forums and chat, then I really think you need to teach yourself, or learn together with her (as she can probably teach you!).

Most 12yo's have facebook, and the ones that dont but want to will feel terribly excluded, especially if all their friends have it. Nothing magical happens the day she reaches 13 that suddenly makes her more capable and able to deal with it, so better than she has it at the same time as her peers rather than be miles behind, and feel out of place.

I think the next few years are difficult for most kids. Trying to fit in.. trying to be equal. Facebook is not the work of the devil that some people make it out to be, so long as you know what you are doing, and behave responsibly.

usualsuspect · 27/11/2011 16:49

I have taught all mine to never give correct details out online unless its necessary

MitziKinsky · 27/11/2011 16:49

I would have said no, but DS set up an account on his DS1 without us knowing...DH stubbled across is. I could have insisted he close it down, but there is nothing to stop him setting up another account while on the computer at Grannies or somewhere.

I just closely monitor what is going on.

Original poster
jammydodger1 · 27/11/2011 16:50

i have never had a facebook account nor really wanted one, and having time to check her account daily not sure if there is any left in the day !

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 27/11/2011 16:50

Yes ,rather an fb account you know about than a secret one

exexpat · 27/11/2011 16:50

Jammy - I think people panic more about FB because there is an official minimum age, but also because unless people are careful with privacy settings, you can end up with a lot of info, pictures etc open and searchable to anyone in the world. But FB chat and MSN chat are really much the same.

MitziKinsky · 27/11/2011 16:52

That should have said dsi...An acount could probably be set up from most 12 year olds phones.

Original poster
jammydodger1 · 27/11/2011 16:55

catsareevil extremely good point and one i will speak to her about!

OP posts:
exexpat · 27/11/2011 16:57

catsareevil - DS didn't change his DoB once he turned 13. According to FB, he is 71 and comes from Mongolia. At least it should put off any paedophiles looking for local early teens...

SoupDragon · 27/11/2011 16:58

I did. I set it up, I set the privacy settings and I know the password. I check in occasionally to see what he's up to but there is never anything remotely dodgy.

We had a chat about not accepting just anyone and how people could be not what they claim to be. To be honest, I don't see the risk if monitored and checked properly.

More controversially, DS2 (10) also has one with the same checks in place and the same safety chat. He just uses it for games.

SoupDragon · 27/11/2011 17:00

DS1 uses his to keep in touch with his primary school friends. They pretty much all have accounts.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 17:03

There is no need to change the DOB, and there is no need to have the DOB showing anywhere on the profile either (which is the best way for a teen anyway).

The rules for a young teen should be

only accept or invite people who you actually know, in real life, and who are friends.. not just every random stranger in an attempt to look like you have a zillion friends..

set your profile as private, so that nobody can contact you, or search for you unless you know them, tell your friends you will send them a friend invite.

do not put up photos that you know can be seen by anyone, unless you are happy with anyone seeing them, and do not try to make yourself older by pouting at a mobile phone or in a mirror, as you look ridiculous! Grin

To be honest, once those rules are applied, then there should not be any problems.

As a parent monitoring this, you should know the names of their friends, and be able to access your childs account to ensure there are no dubious private messages, cyber bullying, or any other actions that look suspect.

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