should i let 12 year old have facebook

[jammydodger1]

dd1 has just turned 12 years old, started high school and has grown up immensely recently, she is badgering me for a facebook account, you have to be 13 to have an account but all her friends have one and she wont stop going on about it, 6 months ago she created an account without my knowledge (but foolishly tagged a friend of mine so i closed it down) now she started again, would you let your child have an account which you could access and monitor?

Why would you want to be your child's friend? I know my dd's passwords just in case, but I trust her to go to town on her own- why wouldn't I trust her to be on Fqcebook without me over her shoulder?

bigTillyMint, I check their friend lists to ensure I know the people on it.

I think there is a lot of hysteria over the dangers of Facebook. Given the age limit is nothing to do with safety, I have done my personal risk assessment of it with regard to my children and decided it is OK.

It's all very well being a "friend", but how do you see what they are instant messaging each other - the teens I know with FB don't tend to put much on their walls, so stuff can go on undetected

History of all messages is saved (including chat now). You make sure you have the password, and you check it.

If the only friends on there are people who you know and have approved, then there should be no issue with the instant messaging.

Most 11 and 12yo would have a mobile phone with text facility, and the instant messaging is no difference to that really in what is and isnt acceptable behaviour between friends.

Seeker, probably because that is how we've assessed the risk for our children. You have decided differently.

my point being if a 15 or 17 cant get it through their head facebook is not a place to meet boys or has a hard time shaking somone off how will a 13 year old.

its not needed many on here would of coped fine with out face book

and as for if you dont allow it they will do it behind your back thats stupied other wise we should all just condone sex, drugs anything they want to do really lest they do it behind our backs

Yes I did but have passwords and am a friend. I check often. It's fine and they may be out of the loop at high school without it.

Sorry, soup dragon-didn't mean to be rude or whtever you I've been.

I just think that some people overplay the "risks".

Maypole.

I met the ex who beat me up in a pub.

I met the other one who also hit me, when I was in my teens, via mutual friends.

Long before facebooks creator was even born!

If anything, facebook can be a better warning, as you can often tell a person by the company they keep, and the sort of posts they make...

I encouraged my 11 y o to hace an account when she was changing schools so could keep in loose contact with friends from village primary who scattered to a number of different secondary schools. I knew she had a secret account but did not challenge her about this and that account then disappeared quickly. It's easier to know what they are up to if you are in the loop! Banning things just seems to make them more attractive.

No reason not to be your child's friend on facebook, when they leave for uni it is another way to get in contact when the mobile is switched off...

Oh, I think the risks are overplayed too. I just think (for me) its a good idea that my DSs think I'm watching their every FB move.

It was worth it when I busted DS for posting on Facebook about how dull revision was when he was meant to be revising :)

i wont let my 12yr ds1 have a fb account, he did ask and we said no for the time being, he has email and a limited mobile phone which we can check and have sset up safety settings on etc, just as he have done on his account on the home pc, which is in the dining rm anyway so in full view when he is using it.

i dont think its necessary for 12yr old to have fb, my son also trotted out the line that 'everyone' has one, but actually a bit of digging and they dont all have one at all, jsut a few do. most parents i know wont let their 12yr olds have one either.

It's interesting how these things differ - pretty much the whole of DSs Y6 class now have Facebook, judging by his fiends list, and similar for the other classes. I think most of his secondary school class do too. I only let him have it when he left school as, having talked to parents, I could see that the others were indeed keeping in touch via it. Even the head's daughter had one before she was 13.

The moment they misuse it, it will be banned via parental controls faster than they can say "But Muuuuum....!"

I think they miss out on a lot if they aren't on fb- my dd has orgqnizd her social life almost exclusively that way since she was in year 7, and she would have been outside the loop without it.

no. She'll have to lie about her age. The data she puts on facebook will be owned by the (private) owners of facebook for ever more. It won't hurt her to wait till she's thirteen surely.

I don't have a problem with it. My 11 year old has been on Facebook for the past year. I think (for the most part) the only time parents are against it, or refusing to allow access, is when they themselves don't use or do any social networking and know nothing about it thus believing it rather unfairly to be the work of Satan
I'm one of my daughters FB friends and have the password. I've noticed, from reading her news feed, that the kids (who are a tiny minority) being little bastards/swearing/bullying on FB are usually the ones whose parents don't use or do computers in any way shape or form. (I know the parents and we've had conversations). The ones whose parents are regular internet/FB users seem to have kids who know how to use it properly. Or maybe (like me) if they see the odd inappropriate comment, they clamp down on it quickly. My daughter once put a daft comment about one of her teachers in a status update. I saw it immediately and removed it, after discussing it with her. She hasn't made the same mistake twice. My daughter has lots of FB friends. I read her news feeds and messages frequently and it's all entirely innocent banter and childish chatter. People need to stop stressing about Facebook. The really nasty kids save the antisocial behaviour for the school toilets/cloakroom/playground/walk to school.

Thinking about it, I believe that the younger ones are actually less at risk than the mid teens and up.

that's definitely true Soupdragon; quite ironic really. On the very rare occasion there's something reported about Facebook on the news, it's usually a female victim aged 16+, not an 11 year old.

No.

i have an 11 year old dd who would like to be on fb.my answers always been a big fat no however after reading this thread im beginning to think differently

No