should i let 12 year old have facebook

[jammydodger1]

dd1 has just turned 12 years old, started high school and has grown up immensely recently, she is badgering me for a facebook account, you have to be 13 to have an account but all her friends have one and she wont stop going on about it, 6 months ago she created an account without my knowledge (but foolishly tagged a friend of mine so i closed it down) now she started again, would you let your child have an account which you could access and monitor?

thats what my criminology tutor says,which is why i was against it.and dd headteacher said most of monday is spent dealing with fb incedents.im changing my mind again

Facebook is a gateway for bullying. If she must have one, make sure that you have access to it.

If you do let him have it then please don't let him badger every member of your family to add him as a friend, maybe a couple of close family (including you) so you can keep tabs.

My nephew is on mine but I have had requests from cousins children (???) which I ignored as I don't wish to have to censor or check everything I put on FB is suitable for them to be reading (nothing bad BTW just night out chats or recently talking about Santa).

Also being forced to look at their awful text speak is headache inducing.

I don't have anyone under 21 on mine, including DS, purely to avoid the txtspk and status updates every five minutes. There are a couple of offenders on my friends list who are old enough to know better but are still like that, so I have just hidden their posts. But that has meant ignoring friend requests from nieces etc - just hope they aren't offended.

I'm heading off to bed and haven't read whole thread but:

Negotiate now when you have the power to say no and set firm ground rules.

Set your email address as the 'home' email for the account, that way you will always have access/know if DD changes password etc

Make it a rule that no friends may be older than her, ie not you, not your young cousin, not her gran. It's not the first level friends you have to worry about - its their friends. Even one adult friend is like leaving your DD Alone at an adults' party.

Hth, I do have a web link somewhere that I will link tomorrow if I can find it....

It can be a gateway for bullying but it also serves as evidence of proof if they are bullied rather than just one word against another.

Ds has had a facebook account since he was about 12. All his friends have them and i'd much rather it be one controlled by me than one secretly set up.

I have his password and check it every day. I check his messages and friend requests, and security settings whenever facebook make changes (as various bits can often become accessible without your knowledge). He's not one for adding heaps of people anyway which is good.

We've only had one problem so far which strangely enough was something my closest friend posted on her wall, it wasn't particularly bad but something i'd rather my kids didn't know...that might be something to watch out for. I have a few kids on my friend list but they and my own kids are on a "list" which means they cant see my wall. It would probably be for the best if you limit the number of adults they "friend" even if you know and trust them, because even adults slip up, especially if they have a huge friend list...its easy to forget who is on it! I was furious with my friend at the time for being so careless but she honestly just didn't think before posting.

Frogs that's exactly why I'm the only adult my DS is allowed to have on his list.

Whenever my friends or adult family members have requested him, I've sent a polite message back reminding them that I know they wouldn't say half the things they say on their wall, if they were sitting in a room with my DS there...therefore it's best to politely decline and they've always agreed that they didn't think about that aspect of things.