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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or should I dip into DPs overtime money to buy a lovely lovely dress...

62 replies

LalasMama · 26/11/2011 21:36

As he went out at 3pm "for an hour" and has since switched his phone off and failed to return home. Leaving me to deal with my teething 5month DS and 19month lunatic DD by myself, which believe me is VERY difficult at bath and bed time. The tosser.

Kids are now in bed, I'm browsing the shnet and a dress has caught my eye...

He is saving the money to buy a car that we cant bloody afford to insure anyway. And we dont NEED a second car. But I NEED this dress.

AIBU?

OP posts:
purplepidjin · 26/11/2011 21:38

YANBU

However, I suggest you do the exact same thing to him tomorrow at around the same time, just to get your point across...

Collision · 26/11/2011 21:39

where the hell is he??????????????????

scottishmummy · 26/11/2011 21:40

why can't you use your own money
if you want treats go spend your money

squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 21:40

I would just make sure in the morning that you smile as you wave goodbye and leave the house alone to go for a leisurely wander around the shops planning which dress you would like....

And make sure you switch your phone off too! Grin

daveywarbeck · 26/11/2011 21:41

he's been gone for 6 hours? Cunt. Spend the lot.

Original poster
LalasMama · 26/11/2011 21:44

scottish I dont have my money as such. We both put our usual money into one account. He has started doing overtime to put into a seperate account to save for a car.
I could use money from our joint account, but I want to make a point.

Not 100% sure where he is. He went out for a pint with a friend so no doubt ended up in town. I was half expecting it tbh

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 26/11/2011 21:45

predictable advice,expect leave 'im will pop up
2 separate issues
why has he he hopped it
being in a huff isn't legitimate reason to spend money to make some daft point

floweryblue · 26/11/2011 21:46

How much is the dress? How much will he spend tonight? Could it be evens!

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/11/2011 21:48

Go for it Op, if you really, really want the dress and have been holding back for his sake.
But don't do it out of spite.

LordOfTheFlies · 26/11/2011 21:48

Ooooh, I don't know about spending the 'car fund' ( I wouldn't TBH)
BUT I would find out how much he's squandered spent on ale. And pocket the same amount.

Backtobedlam · 26/11/2011 21:48

He must be spending a packet on beer, bars, food out etc. you spending money on a dress is just evening things up a bit. It's for his benefit anyway-you'll be in a better mood when he finally gets home if you have a gorgeous dress on the way

Original poster
LalasMama · 26/11/2011 21:48

He's under a heck of a lot of stress at work and we are both suffering from PND. DS wasnt planned (hence small age gap) and it has knocked us both for 6.
No excuse I know, and i certainly won't be excusing it when he returns. He does this quite often which is why i was half expecting it.
Ordered the dress on credit card and will decide which account to use to pay it off when the bill comes.

OP posts:
Rudawakening · 26/11/2011 21:48

Personally I wouldn't because I know how hard my DH works and I couldn't do that to him.

No it isn't n him skipping out but you wouldn't have a leg to stand on being mad at him if you bought a dress from his savings IMO.

Backtobedlam · 26/11/2011 21:49

X-posted with floweryblue-like your thinking!

scottishmummy · 26/11/2011 21:50

spending in huff to even some score is petty
if he's pissed you off tell him,some tit for tat he go out so you spend might give short term kerching but well it's petty

Original poster
LalasMama · 26/11/2011 21:51

Oh I feel bad now. I know if i asked him, he wouldnt have a problem with it at all and would tell me to take what I want. But his phone isnt on for me to ask him. Its done now anyway. I expect he will offer to pay for it once he sobers up.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 26/11/2011 21:53

Show us the dress. Can't decide without all the info!

daveywarbeck · 26/11/2011 21:55

He's been AWOL for nigh on 7 hours and you feel bad for buying a dress?

He's done a good job on you.

ShellyBoobs · 26/11/2011 21:55

How much is the dress? How much will he spend tonight? Could it be evens!

How can it be evens ????

Buying the dress out of joint money might even it up, but stealing it from his overtime pot hardly makes it 'evens', does it?

Confused
scottishmummy · 26/11/2011 22:00

you're not entitled to his ot money
and no ho haw about well he went out justifies it
your in a huff he is Offsky deal with that directly,some Fuckhim spending is not adequately addressing your issue

daveywarbeck · 26/11/2011 22:04

have you been drinking sm? Even for you that post was odd.

LordOfTheFlies · 26/11/2011 22:04

DS went on a night out once and couldn't get home because the trains weren't running.
He phoned me up (dangerous thing to do Shock ) I was home with DD and DS (who had just had the squirts in my bed and fallen asleep)
I told him rather grumily to get the bus. There were no buses running either.

He got money out for a taxi, but I'm too mean to pay for cabs so I trundled out to pick him up, 2 DCs bundled in the car and only a rough idea of where the station was.

Little lamb (DH) gave me the £30 he'd got out for the cab.
I spent it-of course Grin

letmehelp · 26/11/2011 22:07

Well, if your money is generally shared (joint) I don't get that it's "his" overtime or "his" savings, the decision on a new car should be joint, regardless of where the money came from and in any case, if he's been working extra hours, you've been doing extra childcare, so you should benefit from the money as much as him.

However, based on that logic, the decision on a new dress should also be joint, so that argument doesn't really help Grin

It sounds like the dress can be paid for, even if it doesn't come from the overtime pot, so yes you should have it if you want it and can afford it, but don't do it because you're angry - there are far better ways to make him pay. I'm sure you'd love some time to yourself tomorrow for example!

Regularly being missing and uncontactable for hours at a time, would be a major concern for me though.

Jellykat · 26/11/2011 22:07

Every mother of a teething DS deserves a new dress! Grin

scottishmummy · 26/11/2011 22:07

it isn't appropriate to score points by spending his money
yes you're annoyed he is off out but this isnt appropriate response