or should I dip into DPs overtime money to buy a lovely lovely dress...

[LalasMama]

As he went out at 3pm "for an hour" and has since switched his phone off and failed to return home. Leaving me to deal with my teething 5month DS and 19month lunatic DD by myself, which believe me is VERY difficult at bath and bed time. The tosser.

Kids are now in bed, I'm browsing the shnet and a dress has caught my eye...

He is saving the money to buy a car that we cant bloody afford to insure anyway. And we dont NEED a second car. But I NEED this dress.

AIBU?

It's not stealing, it's using the same overflow that he is using to go out to invest in a dress. OP has said he would let her have it anyway, it's just that he is not around to give her permission to use the money, because he is busy spending elsewhere!

it's not his money though.
it's their money

buy the dress op

is it his money? It's their money surely.

she didnt dothe ot,no it's not her money
it's petty to spend to even some perceived slight

Oh come off it SM, she's got 2 children under 2. She probably works 20 hours a day. It's not a perceived slight, he's left her solo with the children for the last 7 hours without plan or explanation.

It sounds like to me the OP has agreed with her DH that the OT money is for a car so in that case she shouldn't use the money without at least discussing it with him.

SM I agree it's petty to spend money to get "even" but it is her (their) money - I don't know if OP is SAHM, but if she is (or works onlly a few p-t hours) does that mean she has no money at all?

so she's not doing any kind of overtime with a 5month old and a 19month old?

just sits around on a sofa all day practising throwing ferrero rochers into her mouth?

davey you ole nosey parker.drinking?

I'm always on the sauce dear.

Buy the dress OP. You deserve it just for having children 14 months apart. We all need a pick-me-up now and again, don't we? .

SM how is it not her money too, she isnt earning as is doing the unpaid job of looking after the DCs it is 'their' money surely how is it just his, that is petty if he is saying some of it is just his

glad u bought it op

couples discuss monies,they don't spend to settle a score
he is wrong to hop off uncontactable
but spending his cash to prove some point is petty

Scottishmummy, it's their money. They have a partnership.

why does op identify it as his ot money then

Where's the dress? I can't possibly decide until I've seen the dress.

op you have earnt that dress fair and square.

work isn't always financially rewarded, but that doesn't mean it isn't still work, just because you don't get paid for it.

buy the dress
you deserve it

Conditioned? Who knows why. Doesn't mean it's true.

op clearly says his money
she knows it was his graft
and she knows really that. one shouldn't settle grievances like this

what she says and what it is, isn't necessarily the same thing scottishmummy.

what about her hard graft?

his ot is in separate account
not their joint shared account
op clearly knows this is his specific purpose money,that he has put in non joint account.and she plans to dip it to as she said "make a point"

Exactly. She's doing overtime, right now.

.she's watching her own kids
like we all do
without recourse to needing a dress for being mum
there are significant deep issues here, her pnd, his inability to be contacted
address that,and don't get stuck on trivia about settling a score with a dress

their kids

you can't get pregnant by yourself. presumably her dp wanted them too.
and actually, i think a good deal can be solved by getting yourself something that you really want. brilliant for self-esteem, and feeling in control