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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think how do you know they have got more money than you?

97 replies

Mmmdoughnuts · 26/11/2011 07:21

I read on a number of threads on here, and people comment in RL "they can do x but don't and I know they have more money than me".

How do you know all these people have more money than you?

Do you know everyone's payslip, or do you presume because of their job that they have more money, or do you presume because of their lifestyle they have more money than you?

If due to their income they have more money than you, how do you know that they don't have more outgoing commitments than you, something I'm aware of, the more you earn the bigger your bills tend to be, i.e. if you can have a bigger house, you have a bigger mortgage, you have a higher council tax bill, your heating costs are more etc. So your disposable income is not more.

If you are basing it on lifestyle, how do they know they are not living on never never credit to fund their lifestyle, or that they are being frugal in other areas (normally the one that you are complaining that they won't do x for as "they have more money than me"), to fund what is important to their lifestyle even if not important to your lifestyle.

OP posts:
Catslikehats · 26/11/2011 07:26

Unless someone has a job title along the lines of "Strategic Director for Blue Sky Thinking and Post Media Subjective Operations" then it is fairly easy to come up with a rough idea of what they might earn.

Proudnscary · 26/11/2011 07:28

It's pretty easy to work out when you know what your friends' jobs are and the location of their property...Confused

Strange OP. You are asking/saying two separate things. ^ answers the first question. The second point ie peoples' priorities - well yes, we all spend our money in different ways but you can still be aware they are earning more or less than you.

I'm not sure why you're bothered about this or why I'm answering.

Original poster
Mmmdoughnuts · 26/11/2011 07:29

I disagree - if someone said they were a teacher, they could be earning anything between £24k and £250k, if they were a computer programmer they could be earning £18k a year or £800 a day, if they were an accountant they could be earning £15k a year to £75k...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mmmdoughnuts · 26/11/2011 07:33

The latest thread I was reading was about someone being bought a present and a lot of comments like "I know that they have the money and could buy a present".

They may not have as much coming in as you'd presume due to their job title.
Or they may have more going out than you think they do.
So how can anyone else say they know someone has the money to do x.

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 26/11/2011 07:33

Umm yes but you presumably know these people and know they are, for example, a senior accountant at Deloitte's or a credit controller for a local small business. You know whether are a head teacher at a vast secondary or a newly qualified teacher in a small primary.

TroublesomeEx · 26/11/2011 07:33

What proudnscary said.

KittyFane · 26/11/2011 07:36

You can guess but you can't know.
Expensive cars, large home in expensive area, second home, private education, holidays, expensive hobbies, expensive clothes are all indicators that a person has money so if a person like this were to say " sorry, I can't contribute toward's a leaving present for *, things are tight" I would think the only thing tight is you.

MoreBeta · 26/11/2011 07:38

Kitty - you would be amazed how many people have all of that on tick.

Original poster
Mmmdoughnuts · 26/11/2011 07:40

Or because they have all those things, they can't contribute. They're not being tight, each penny has been allocated to spend those things, and they can't afford the one more thing.

OP posts:
Catslikehats · 26/11/2011 07:41

Yes of course in isolation an accountant could earn 315k or £500k, but factor in that you know they are part time for a local charity or they are senior partner at a big four then it is fairly obvious.

I would happily guarantee that the NQ teacher my DS had last year wasn't earning over 30k, let alone £250k, equally I can be fairly sure that the head teacher earns a good 6 figure salary.

I'm not entirely sure what you are asking though.

Catslikehats · 26/11/2011 07:42

Could earn £15k

Proudnscary · 26/11/2011 07:42

Actually Kitty I don't think those things are indicators of wealth at all - sometimes quite the opposite.

As I said above it's knowing what their job is (specifically - how high up they are and in what company etc) and where and what their property is. Where I live, two houses of exact same size 0.25 miles apart can be about about £300,000 difference - and everyone round here knows it!!

So designer clothes and holidays etc are a drop in the ocean compared to affording the higher end properties.

KittyFane · 26/11/2011 07:42

I worked with someone who constantly would plead poverty when it came to any sort of collection for money- infect, she often moaned about not having any money.
She lived in a big house in a lovely area, had another home in Wales and sent two children to independent school.
Poor my arse. Living beyond means with no disposable income left, yes.

Catslikehats · 26/11/2011 07:43

And Xposts with proudnscary who put it better!

Original poster
Mmmdoughnuts · 26/11/2011 07:44

Because it seems to me that a lot of people do what Kitty has said but may be to a lesser extent, they either know what their job is, or what their lifestyle is like, and make assumptions about what someone's disposable income is.

OP posts:
yummybunny · 26/11/2011 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudnscary · 26/11/2011 07:44

Queen - I don't understand what OP's asking either. Because - yes even the most wealthy among us might be cash strapped in a time of big expenditure...but...umm...and?

KittyFane · 26/11/2011 07:48

proudandscary yes, I agree.

Me small house in bog standard area- paid for, modest car paid for, no debt

friend large house in expensive area- mortgage, v expensive car- company car, lots of holidays - credit card.

I'm too scared to get in debt and look like poor polly next to my friend!!

Proudnscary · 26/11/2011 07:51

I think you are tres sensible, Kitty!

Original poster
Mmmdoughnuts · 26/11/2011 07:52

But why do a lot of people believe others can do something because they have more money than them.

As seen on other threads, but could use lots of examples
i.e. 'My sister could buy me an £80 present but doesn't, and I know she can because she has more money than me"

Just because she has more money than you, whether that be you know more is coming in monthly, or you presume more is coming in monthly, how do you know it's not all allocated, and £20 is her present budget.

OP posts:
KittyFane · 26/11/2011 07:55

yummybummy yes, at university I had friends who came from seriously rich ('old money') backgrounds. They were very modest in their day to day spending.

KittyFane · 26/11/2011 07:56

proudnscary !! :o

witherhills · 26/11/2011 07:58

I agree there is a lot of presumption about these things.
You can never really know. Even with property you never know how much the mortgage is/what interest rate/fixed rate.

My own brother thought that because I had 3 properties that I was loaded.
In fact 2 properties were in negative equity and the rent didn't pay the mortgage and our own mortgage was more than 70% of DH's salary as we had to move to a horrendous variable rate.
I have friends whose salaries I could take a guess at, but could be 10-15-20k wrong!

Catslikehats · 26/11/2011 08:14

OP you are making the assumption that posters say "I know they can afford it" based on an estimate of disposable income.

If I was going to suggest someone could afford something it would I expect be based on what I know they have spent in recent weeks. So, for example, if I was going to suggest that my sister could afford an £80 present, that sought of assumption would not be based on the fact that I know she earns X. It would be based on the fact that I knew the week of my bday she had bought three bottles of champagne, had two nights out and bought herself a new pair of Uggs.

All hypothetical by the way.

Catslikehats · 26/11/2011 08:15

sort of assumption. FFS sorry!