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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think posters who say ....

156 replies

troisgarcons · 23/11/2011 23:01

"get a cleaner"
"get an au pair"
"get an ironing lady"
"a nanny is only 24K per annum"

Really need to get a grip with reality and realise those people who work might actually need to work and dont have excess cash to pay for domestic staff? So it's often a stealth boast comment designed to make those who are stressed out actually a whole lot more inadequate than they are already feeling.

I realise this a foreign concept to some. The "having to work" thing. But if you are cash flush and able to employ a Lituanian doormat maid you would have already covered that base and installed her in the garage. Quite possibly you wouldnt be posting on here to vent your speen and admit you are having difficulty coping.

OP posts:
PlumpDogPillionaire · 24/11/2011 00:33

I can't see that there's anything wrong with paying someone to work, Spermy.

And that's the other thing that I don't get about the bile directed at womenpeople who employ cleaners, though I have to say if I wasn't working at the same time that the cleaner is, I might feel a bot self conscious standing around, pointing out that he'd missed a bit, or whatever. Guess I'd have to go and have lunch or to the hairdressers or something, just to be out of the house. Wink (I jest, Sperm.)

KateMiddIeton · 24/11/2011 00:38

I have a nanny. She has been essential in the last year because she looked after DS so I could go to uni and takes him when he's ill. Much better value than the nursery that's about a tenner a day less but is less flexible and won't take poorly children.

If someone else doesn't like it I don't care. I'm sure other people spend their money on other stuff that I wouldn't dream of buying.

When I go back to work I'll get a cleaner. Who will do bed changes and shirts too. Anyone who doesn't like it can fuck off. I will be using the time saved to MN, spend time with DS, see friends I've neglected while studying, read books again and spend time with my husband doing nice things.

Win/win situation.

tx12noone · 24/11/2011 00:59

YABU. My SIL desperately needs a cleaner and can well afford one. She won't get one as she considers it lazy. So the house is a mess and she's stressed to the highest order.

'Get some help if you can afford to do so' is often very good advice.

Tortington · 24/11/2011 01:13

i pay a tenner for a cleaner once a week. - its the best tenner i spend all week.

i haven't lost a grip on reality, i need to work, but i also need the cleaner.

i have sent shirts out to be ironed occasionally - and consider that a better use of my time.

i recognise that some people dont have a spare tenner - but i do and i can spend it on what i want without being made out to be some marie antoinette figure

SouthStar · 24/11/2011 01:18

I wouldnt even bother with a cleaner as it wouldnt be clean enough for the dh...noone can clean quite like him... i just have to let it get messy enough to annoy him that much he goes into cleaning mode

ShengdanRoad · 24/11/2011 01:51

The idea of having domestic staff makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, especially here in China where most people (including locals) have house maids that are paid a pittance.

That said, when I have DC (hopefully soon), having a live in "ayi" would allow me to carry on working, and she can teach DC Mandarin.

So it's a tricky one. If you can afford it, do it. If the idea of having "staff" doesn't bother you, go for it.

Spermysextowel · 24/11/2011 04:11

plump what exactly is wrong with sitting in the car eating garage food and firing off an email or two? Well worth it if it lets the cleaner get on with her job and Andre can't fit you in for lo-lights at short notice.

CountingDown321 · 24/11/2011 04:23

MrMamma arghhh! Those 'maids' are women too. Or are they not entitled to spend as much time doing the 'things that matter' because they are, you know, poor?!

No one on an average wage should be able to afford 5 maids. That points to such an unfair income distribution that there are no words.

(And you can point out to MIL that your DH can iron his own shirts).

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 24/11/2011 04:37

"As it happens I work 7/7 and have no help because I am a martyr of the highest order and would rather my hard earned cash be spent on something rather than help ...but thats just me - its a really fucking horrible trait I picked up from my mother noless!!"

Don't quite understand the massive contradiction in this post...!

If martyring yourself is a really fucking horrible trait, then why do you say you'd rather do it? You wouldn't rather do it surely, you just think you should do it.

Many people would rather their hard-earned spare time be spent on enjoyable pursuits instead of head-first down the bog with the marigolds on.

Assuming both are choices you're actually in a position to make, I have to say the latter types sound like they have their heads screwed on way more astutely.

CheerfulYank · 24/11/2011 04:41

I would love a cleaner! I really can't afford one though and have no excuse to get one as I only work four hours a day. Blush

coccyx · 24/11/2011 04:43

I have a cleaner and don't work ( well not in the sense of earning money). I don't care either. Have spent too much time over the years doing the housework. Now lucky to be able to afford someone else to do it.

Heleninahandcart · 24/11/2011 09:35

Having a cleaner can make the difference between just about managing and drowning.

Sky? Mobile contract? Wine and take away? all acceptable. Drop any of them and you can have a cleaner. It's a matter of priorities.

Whatmeworry · 24/11/2011 09:45

Work + Kids = buy help. I did the DiY stressy martyr thing for a while, but eventually saw the dark side :o

ShirleyKnot · 24/11/2011 09:46

I am literally laughing out loud at "Washing you're own pots is not a political issue ffs"

I think that might be one of the most stupid things I have ever seen written down anywhere.

coraltoes · 24/11/2011 09:49

A "maid" is not a fucking doormat. My mother did that job, well was a housekeeper, when she moved to this country, was respected by her employers and treated as one of the family. 30 years later we still see the family, have them over for dinner, go to theirs, attend each others weddings etc.

I have a cleaner. Her husband beats her up and her kid. She is getting no help from social services because she is not a uk citizen. The cash I pay her every week means she has some financial freedom from this monster. You know these "doormats" rely on employment too...

ditzymitzy2 · 24/11/2011 09:50

there are four adults in our house, why on earth would i pay another adult to come in and clean. If we cant do it between the four of us, there is something wrong with all of us

EnjoyResponsibly · 24/11/2011 10:01

Hmm, well I made that exact reply regarding a cleaner to a post only the other day.

It wasn't made as a stealth boast. It was made as a suggestion in response to a question about how to make life easier, without being in possession of any further facts regarding finances.

BTW I do have a cleaner, I do not work. She is great and my house looks marvellous after she's been. She costs £25 a week, and it's worth every penny. I like that in a democracy I can chose how to spend my husbands hard-earned cash. Grin

Whatmeworry · 24/11/2011 10:04

I am literally laughing out loud at "Washing you're own pots is not a political issue ffs". I think that might be one of the most stupid things I have ever seen written down anywhere.

Actually I think its a rather clever way of lampooning the righteous on this one.

ShirleyKnot · 24/11/2011 10:06

What's "rightous" about expecting equality in housework? Confused

Whatmeworry · 24/11/2011 10:19

What's "rightous" about expecting equality in housework?

Eh? This is a cleaners thread last time I looked, not Yet Another DH is a Bastard thread.

Anyway, leave the bastard and get a cleaner. Young, male, with a pert bum. Supervise him closely.

Sorted :o

letmehelp · 24/11/2011 10:20

Well, my cleaner costs less than £20 per week and is the difference between a life of chaos and rows and relative martial harmony. I know lots of people who "can't afford" a cleaner who eat out 2-3 times a month, we don't. It's our choice and theirs.

KateMiddIeton · 24/11/2011 10:21

We are very equal in my house. Neither of us CBA to do housework and we share all other household stuff equally. badly

Portofino · 24/11/2011 10:24

We have a cleaner - she is fantastic! She is much better at it than I am. We both full time - it is most excellent not to have to scrub the bath and do the hoovering at the weekend.

ShirleyKnot · 24/11/2011 10:25

Christ Alive.

stealthsquiggle · 24/11/2011 10:26

but (mostly) when people say that, what they are really saying is "why not revisit your priorities, and see whether a cleaner would make you happier than (for example) a weekly takeaway/night out/whatever"

I would bloody love a housekeeper. Actually, right now I would bloody love my cleaner to turn up for a change.