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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think proposing at Christmas is lazy?

81 replies

ConOfScience · 23/11/2011 13:17

An ex proposed at Christmas in front of my whole family and his, I was embarrassed as we were only seeing each other a year - needless to say we split up 6 months later.

I knew he was just too lazy to get me a Christmas present and thought to himself, I know I think I'll propose!

I have told DP, who has mentioned getting engaged on a few occasions, however he knows how I feel about festive proposals.

Not that I expect presents, I often go without (as I'm the only earner, DP is SAHD) and with the money DP gets I'd rather he used that to buy himself books, dvds, ciggarettes etc (whatever he needs really)

I'd rather he proposed to me on a random day because he wanted to, not because of the pressure to present a gift on Christmas.

AIBU?

Loads of people get engaged on Christmas for the right reasons, however for me I think it's a tad lazy.

This is my opinion.

I just hope someone doesn't come on here and say that I'm suggesting their marriage is fake because they got enaged at Christmas....that's not what I'm saying.

OP posts:

rainbowbreeze · 23/11/2011 15:36

Me ex proposed to me after sex one night, try explaining that to family and friends!

helendigestives · 23/11/2011 15:43

Aw, I'd love to be proposed to at Christmas. [wistful]

ditzymitzy2 · 23/11/2011 15:44

surely if you love someone deeply enough to have their children, you dont care one jot where and when they propose - simply overjoyed because they love you enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with you

I think this is where a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons, for the show, the hype, the fancy dresses, big reception and huge cake yet dont seem to think I love that person more than anything else in the world and cant wait to be married to them forever regardless.

redexpat · 23/11/2011 17:46

I think proposing at xmas shows a distinct lack of imagination.

Hulababy · 23/11/2011 17:49

I doon't think it is lazy.

DH decided a good while beforehand. He secretly had one of my old rings measured, chose an engagement ring, bought it and had it kept safe and secret.

We were together, on pur own on Christmas Day. He proposed during the morning, with champagne and a ring.

I also had other Christmas presents so it wasn't done as an either/or.

It just seemed like a nice day to him. I greed. It was nice. We had a lovely day and it most definitely wasn't a lazy decision!

And fwiw that was now some 15 years ago and we have been married 13.5y. So it hasn't affected our relationship either.

Greedygirl · 23/11/2011 18:02

My DH proposed at xmas so yes YABU! He did it because we both love xmas and we were on our own and it was all Christmassy and magical and I loved it. And I got other presents too so it wasn't an either/or job.

I can see why some people think it lacks imagination. I wouldn't like to be proposed to in front of others either on any day of the year.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 23/11/2011 18:10

I was proposed to by an ex (you can see where this is going) in December but not Christmas Day. We were in front of a jewellers window in a shopping centre packed full of Christmas shoppers, and he got down on one knee and told me I could pick any of the rings in the window.

I was horrified and embarrassed and didn't accept. Thankfully we were quite near the exit so a hasty and shamefaced escape was made by both of us.

Thing is, he knew I didn't want to get married. I was only 20, he was at college and working part time but from a wealthy-ish family so no real money worries, I was struggling to find work, it was the wrong time and (with hindsight) we were the wrong people for each other. It would never have worked. I felt like he was trying to force me to accept by proposing in front of so many people.

We almost broke up, probably should have broken up, but instead we agreed that I would wear an eternity ring on my engagement finger, still not a compromise I felt comfortable about.

We went back and bought it but it needed resizing. It was supposed to be my Christmas present but when it came back from the jewellers he kept it and waiting until my birthday, where it also became my birthday present and he proposed again with it in front of family (and I said no again).

I felt that was lazy (amongst other things), he used Christmas and my birthday as a backdrop to pressure me and give me the same present twice. We split up not long after, not just because of all this, but it put me off Christmas proposals for life. All those shoppers staring at us and me saying no!

However my cousin was on the receiving end of a Christmas proposal with a beautiful ring her fiance designed for her and I thought it was lovely (for her) and she was over the moon about it. They are still together (have been for 18 years now) and she says it makes Christmas extra special for them.

When DH proposed he did it properly, on some random Monday night, over the phone from 250 miles away with no ring and still four days to go before he came home again and he cried like a baby while he did it.

Hecubasdaughter · 23/11/2011 18:22

A proposal at Christmas wouldn't bother me, being in front of his family would do. DH proposed in private on a random day btw.

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 23/11/2011 18:26

I agree, and was propsed to on Christmas day.

I was pg and told my DH, then BF, that I hated the idea of being proposed to on Christmas as it was dull. I had visions of it happening under the Aurora Borealis (sp). DH ws gutted as he'd planned that day because a couple of years before we'd been apart and that was my lasting Christmas memory, he wanted to give me a nice one. didn't get a nice enough ring either, so I upgraded a few years ago in HK.

DammitJanit · 24/11/2011 07:21

I DID ask him, (half jokingly) he said no! :-) im cool with that tbh, i want him to ask really, but I my birthday card this year said 'happy birthday Girlfriend, maybe next year your card will call you something different' HURRAH! After reading all your lovely proposals, I am even more desperate!

Dialsmavis · 24/11/2011 07:54

I too used to think this, DP also thinks it is unimaginative an cheesy. But I don't want imaginative I want a ring on my finger! (sorry brave fighters for feminism, I'm. With you on most of the other stuff!). We have just moved to London and I am a student so £ is tight so as a christmas present is the only way I can see it happening.

ZillionChocolate · 24/11/2011 08:21

For those of you who think it's unfair to give an engagement ring, without separate Christmas presents, would you give your man an engagement present?

I prefer low key proposals, like the ones in bed, over the phone etc. A "romantic" public proposal wouldn't work for me at all. I personally dislike situations where you've agreed to get married (which I think is an engagement) and you're waiting for the presentation of a ring in a romantic setting so you can boast to your friends about it.

Each to their own. Nothing wrong with a Christmas proposal IMO.

stabiliser15 · 24/11/2011 08:38

I was proposed to on Christmas eve, in private, by DH. It was lovely. Christmas is my most favourite time of year and within a couple of hours of the proposal we were celebrating with my family (he proposed before we went up to stay with them and I dont get to see all that often so Christmas visits are hugely exciting to me) and the next day with his family too. It was lovely.

I didnt get a Christmas present too and have often teased DH about only proposing because he couldnt think of a present to get me. But once my sister overheard this and told me he had been asking her opinion on rings since September! Doesnt bother me in the slightest I didnt get a present too, I was so happy that year. He picked Christmas because he knew it was special for me and that would mean (providing I said yes!) that we could celebrate with the people most important to me.

BTW - pre proposal I'd always thought Christmas/Birthday/Valentines Day proposals were a little cheesy, but I loved mine. Would have been mortified if it had been in front of family though.

Original poster

ConOfScience · 26/12/2011 23:23

So, any new brides to be

Congratulations

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 26/12/2011 23:31

Gosh you anti proposers sound like a bunch of hags......so he proposed to you in a way you didn't control or expect....

Original poster

ConOfScience · 26/12/2011 23:37

hag my arse

it's a fact, don't deny it

OP posts:

LoopyLoopsHootyHoots · 26/12/2011 23:39

6 sets of friends engaged yesterday!

Mumcentreplus · 26/12/2011 23:42

Fact is if you loved him and wanted to be married to him he could propose to you wearing a tutu clutching a hot-dog with an onion ring instead of a huge diamond number...and you would think it was the best and most romantic moment ever

HoneydragonAteCliffRichard · 26/12/2011 23:49

An engagement ring is a promise, a commitment, a contract to love each other....

I proposed to dh when he got home from squash one night whilst I was doing the ironing, he said yes and got a bit emotional. We went out the next day and bought an engagement table as ours was broken and we needed a new table more than a ring.

I still have my engagement table it gets used everyday, and holds the battle scars of our daily life particularly since the dcs. My engagement ring has been in a box in the kitchen drawer for years and years.

YABU the right person makes the right proposal and the right person makes the right time. You are a proposal snob

ILoveSanta · 27/12/2011 09:31

I really enjoyed reading this thread, so interesting to see different people's perceptions.

When my DH proposed, 10 yrs ago, it was supposed to be a Christmas day proposal, but after he had bought the ring and planned to do it, he ended up having to work Christmas day, so before Christmas, we had a weekend away, got very drunk in the pub, and he proposed to me crawling across the floor with a big cheesy grin on his face. I have to confess I did think he was joking at first but once I realised he was actually not taking the mick (he does love a joke!) I was over the moon and we both ended up crying with all the emotion and it did make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that he had wanted to do it on Christmas day to make that special for me.

Oh and I got Christmas presents as well!

pommedenoel · 27/12/2011 13:39

BIL proposed to SIL in front of all her family one Xmas and then came to PILS (where we were too) and 'reenacted' it for them.

I thought that it was well full on family wise and would have hated that myself but I didn't consider presents so much. I was just glad that dh proposed to me when we were all alone as I would have hated an audience.

Trills · 27/12/2011 13:42

An engagement ring is not a present.

Proposing in front of an audience is very cringeworthy.

I wouldn't say it's lazy, but certainly unimaginative.

Trills · 27/12/2011 13:45

Getting engaged is an excuse to have champagne.

Christmas/birthdays/Valentine's day are already times when you can drink champagne.

Therefore you get more champagne if you propose on a day that is not already special.

EdithWeston · 27/12/2011 13:53

The thought of an engagement table made me

exoticfruits · 27/12/2011 14:06

I think proposing at xmas shows a distinct lack of imagination.

I hadn't realised that it was supposed to be imaginative. I think that Christmas is lovely, but I would want it to be private.

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