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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think proposing at Christmas is lazy?

81 replies

ConOfScience · 23/11/2011 13:17

An ex proposed at Christmas in front of my whole family and his, I was embarrassed as we were only seeing each other a year - needless to say we split up 6 months later.

I knew he was just too lazy to get me a Christmas present and thought to himself, I know I think I'll propose!

I have told DP, who has mentioned getting engaged on a few occasions, however he knows how I feel about festive proposals.

Not that I expect presents, I often go without (as I'm the only earner, DP is SAHD) and with the money DP gets I'd rather he used that to buy himself books, dvds, ciggarettes etc (whatever he needs really)

I'd rather he proposed to me on a random day because he wanted to, not because of the pressure to present a gift on Christmas.

AIBU?

Loads of people get engaged on Christmas for the right reasons, however for me I think it's a tad lazy.

This is my opinion.

I just hope someone doesn't come on here and say that I'm suggesting their marriage is fake because they got enaged at Christmas....that's not what I'm saying.

OP posts:

Original poster

ConOfScience · 23/11/2011 13:56

Karl Pilkington had that same idea BeaOnSea.

It was part of The Ricky Gervais Show (with Stephen Merchant & Karl Pilkington)

He did that before he did An Idiot Abroad, very funny if you can stand RG for long enough

OP posts:

fastweb · 23/11/2011 13:58

I got married on Xmas eve. So I would remember the date (and I do, most years) Which is fairly lazy I suppose.

No nice shiny engagment ring though.

Damn Italian "diamond free" customs depriving me of sparkly things.

ChristmasBreak · 23/11/2011 13:58

I was proposed to on Valentines Day and secretly thought it a huge cliche but Christmas would have worked for me, just because it's my favourite time of year and everything just seems more "special" in December. [slight unhinged emoticon.]

BeaOnSea · 23/11/2011 13:59

I hope he doesn't sue me

whackamole · 23/11/2011 14:00

I would love to be proposed to on Christmas day! I love Christmas.

BadTasteFlump · 23/11/2011 14:02

YABU - and an old misery!

Surely if you love somebody, whenever and wherever he proposes, it will be romantic? IMO there's nothing more gakky than having romantic-ness (?) imposed on us - ie Valentines Day, red roses, blah blah. Random is much better (and to me Christmas is a bit of a random time to propose)...

But I would expect a whopping great ring on the day, and other presents too

WilsonFrickett · 23/11/2011 14:02

But if you love Christmas (and you probably don't have DC's... then Christmas is all about champagne and nights out and going to see the Christmas tree in the pub and presents and having lots of sex instead of going to see your mum) then Christmas is a totally magical time of year and it would be lovely to be proposed to then.

(Am not saying Christmas isn't magical now I have DS, just that it's about him rather than smoked salmon and scrambled eggs IYSWIM)

tigermoll · 23/11/2011 14:03

An ex proposed at Christmas in front of my whole family and his, I was embarrassed as we were only seeing each other a year - needless to say we split up 6 months later.

I knew he was just too lazy to get me a Christmas present and thought to himself, I know I think I'll propose!

Hang on, you accepted his proposal?!?

You thought you hadn't been together long enough, you were embarassed that he did it in front of his family, and you KNEW he was just doing it because he was too lazy to get you a present. And you said YES?

What were you thinking?

Original poster

ConOfScience · 23/11/2011 14:05

I said NO tigermoll.

Very awkward indeed

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/11/2011 14:06

I don't see an engagement ring as a 'present'... I really don't. It's a token, a suggestion that you both commit to your relationship towards marriage.

A ring for Christmas is like getting married on one of the couple's birthday's and calling that a 'gift' too... it's a bit much really.

Now a ring secreted into a Jo Malone gift set... that's a gift, or maybe just leave the ring out altogether?

ENormaSnob · 23/11/2011 14:06

We got engaged on Christmas day.

I got presents too though.

tigermoll · 23/11/2011 14:09

I said NO tigermoll.

Ahhh....I misread your 'we split up six months later'.

Ooyah, though.....that must have been EXTREMELY awkward. My toes are curling just thinking about it. What did you say? How did he take it?

DammitJanit · 23/11/2011 14:13

I used to feel lik this, but now I want him to propose so badly (5.5 years together and a DS) that I wouldn't give a flying fuck when he did it. Just propose already!!

AmberNectarine · 23/11/2011 14:14

My DH proposed to me in bed one Saturday morning after 6 months together, no ring, nothing. He'd literally just thought 'I want to marry you' and blurted it out. We went to Hatton Garden the next day and chose my ring. So some might call that lazy, I think it was romantic that he just had to ask me! 3 years and 2 DCs later, we're very happy.

Surely how and when he proposes is largely irrelevant, the fact that he wants to spend his life with you is enough?

BadTasteFlump · 23/11/2011 14:25

Why don't you ask him Dammit?

Original poster

ConOfScience · 23/11/2011 14:27

tigermoll, it was very awkward indeed.

I was dressed in a MrsClaus outfit, all my family and his family were in our house, and on reflection they all knew what was about to happen.

My youbger sister and all her wee cronies appeared out of nowhere as if they were about to witness something amazing.

I was sat in front of the fireplace laughing and just having a nice time.

He paced in front of me for a while and then out of the blue he got down on one knee, presented this ring and asked me to marry him.

I burst into tears like a right idiot and ran away upstairs

He followed and I told him No.

I didn't actually announce my answer to the house but slowly but surely the crowd started to leave (all hush hush)

I felt like I'd ruined Christmas.

His mother never forgave me, he never forgave me - My mum and dad were secretly pleased

OP posts:

Original poster

ConOfScience · 23/11/2011 14:28

Yeah Dammit ask him.

Unless you've already got his Christmas present sorted :)

OP posts:

fatlazymummy · 23/11/2011 14:28

When did asking someone to marry you become such an 'event'? And why wait for the man to ask, if you want to get married then ask him for heavens sake. It does affect you both equally.
OP, YABU. The only part of your post I agree with is being embarrassed in public. I would have hated that as well, and it does put the person on the spot.

BadTasteFlump · 23/11/2011 14:29

I agree with Amber.

DH proposed to me when we were shopping for a present for somebody else. We were looking in a jewellers window at watches or something, and my eyes were irresistably drawn to a gorgeous ring. He spotted me looking and started grinning at me - I was mortified he'd seen me because we'd only been together a few months... Anyway he said 'do you want to go in and try it on then?'

me: 'why?'

him 'because I want to marry you!'

We were only standing outside a shop in town on a rainy day but it was one of the most romantic things that ever happened to me.

PS If you're interested - nearly 15 years on he's still my lovely DH

TeaCider · 23/11/2011 14:32

My Dh proposed on Christmas Eve after we'd watched It's a Wonderful Life, he'd hidden my ring inside a cracker. I'm not a big romantic but it was lovely.

tigermoll · 23/11/2011 14:39

Dressed as Mrs Claus, you say?

OMG, ConofScience. That's all I can say to that.

But well done you for saying No, - IMO people who gather a large crowd to witness their proposal are either a) trying to peer-pressure you into it or b) so cock-sure of themselves that the idea you'd say No doesn't enter their heads. Either way, they deserve to be turned down like a bedspread. I can see why his parents never really warmed to you after that.

I hate it when you see people receiving 'surprise' proposals on telly, - I always think 'what if they want to say No, but don't want to crush their boyf/girlf on national TV?'.

(The exception would be where both partners have privately agreed that they want to get married, but are doing a sort of official announcement to everyone)

AuntieMaggie · 23/11/2011 14:43

I'd just be happy with a proposal too - DP has this idea he has to spend a certain amount of money on a ring and says he can't propose until he can afford it :( I however would be happy with a cheap ring but a lovely proposal

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/11/2011 14:45

BadTasteFlump... I think that's very romantic. :)

BeaOnSea · 23/11/2011 15:00

tigermoll I agree with you. I wonder how many people have said yes when they really wanted to say no - just because of the pressure of the proposal being before a large crowd.

OTheHugeMjanatee · 23/11/2011 15:24

DP proposed on Christmas Day.

But he got me several lovely presents, and then wandered upstairs mumbling 'oh, and there was this other thing I forgot...' then came down with one of those little gift bags you get when you buy jewellery from places like Accessorize. I thought he'd bought me some earrings or something and just forgotten about them - then when I opened the box I nearly fell over backwards. Was very romantic. I might have cried a bit.

So Bah Humbug to you, OP!

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