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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wish I could buy my MIL a Christmas Present

59 replies

Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 11:10

But I can't. She passed away 8 years ago when the children were little. I keep seeing things that she would have loved.

And my Nan. The 'Great Grandma' Christmas cards make me sad now because I don't have to get one.

There must be lots of us feeling this way at Christmas. Hugs to you all.

OP posts:
Kayano · 23/11/2011 11:11

Sad this is so sad to read and luckily does not affect me Sad

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 11:12

This should possibly be in 'Chat'. I know IANBU.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 11:12

I had a horrible day yesterday and missed my nan dreadfully, I know how you feel x

ZeldaUpNorth · 23/11/2011 11:14

I lost my grandad in 2008 and my mam in May this year. I'm dreading christmas this year but have to "play happy" for my 3 girls' sakes.

exaspomum · 23/11/2011 11:15

Me too. Also I go to places and think how nice it would have been to take my mum there.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 11:15

I don't want to make everyone sad or be soppy. But if you can, appreciate and cherish your family because nobody knows what may be round the corner. Smile Christmas is a good time to show it.

OP posts:
exaspomum · 23/11/2011 11:16

How nice that you obviously had such a good relationship with her.

QuintesentialShadows · 23/11/2011 11:17

I dread Christmas because it will be the first one after my mum moved into a nursing home shortly after Christmas last year, leaving my disabled dad to live on his own. It was all very sudden, and hard for us, as her decline was so rapid I had to take her for sectioning. It is of course not the same as if she was dead (hugs to you all), but it will be difficult to manage, with her visits home, and emotional thinking back to last Christmas. It also makes it difficult to know what to buy for her. She would normally love stuff for the house and her kitchen. But that would not make sense any more!

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 11:19

I know exaspomum and not everyone does. She was quite easy to buy for too. Smile

OP posts:
mummymccar · 23/11/2011 11:20

So sorry to all of you who have lost loved ones, it is so difficult. I lost my best friend when we were 19 and always think of her family at this time of year. Her birthday was November and she died in the January. I can't imagine what her parents must be feeling at this time of year.

aldiwhore · 23/11/2011 11:23

SparklingBrook I know exactly how you feel. My MIL passed away 8 years ago too when my eldest was 3 weeks old and I miss her dreadfully, she'd have been such an amazing Nana. My Granny passed away 2 years ago and I miss buying her Christmas presents.

We're quite low on women now, I have my mum and sister to buy for only and they're very specific about what they want (no problem there, money's tight) but I do miss buying gifts for the two women in my life who loved surprises.

Hugs back to you. I make coconut macaroons each Christmas because my Granny loved them, and I ALWAYS wear my MIL's cheap, kitch, tacky Christmas apron when I'm doing the Christmas dinner. So they will always be part of my life and my Christmas. xxx

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 11:27

Its so unfair isn't it aldiwhore? MIL has missed so much and the DC have missed out not having her.

We have some nice bits and pieces from her that come out at Christmas, and we go to the cathedral and light a candle.

OP posts:
Ja9 · 23/11/2011 11:29

so sad to think of loved ones missing out on the children. I sometimes think about how much my granny would have loved my dc and feel so sad that she never got to meet them...

jen127 · 23/11/2011 11:40

I lost my Mum 16 years ago and miss her every day! Myself and My Dad don't get on! So this just rubs it even harder. I have a DS of 9 and a DN of 15 that she never met.
She never met my DH either, though sometimes wonder if myself an Ex Dh would still be together if she was still here.
I am blessed to have a superb MIL/FIL who I just love indulging. We live abroad and I am always putting silly things in the post. They also treat my DN as their own!
My SIl is also fab and totally on the same wavelength!
But that ache is always there. I just wish especially at this time of year I could have her back for a short time. I would love to have her with me for one last Xmas and to enjoy my rascal of a DS.
Appreciate every day you have with loved ones and focus on the good and not the bad! Time is too short. :)

startail · 23/11/2011 11:42

Sparklingbrook you've made me cry too!
My DMIL died while I was expecting DD2 and so we've never all spent Christmas with her.
I wish we had because she was both a devote member of the C of E and a bit of a pagan.
Christmas at her place had a feeling of history and timelessness. Church, walks in the country side, inexpensive gifts, favourite food, home made mincemeat and Sloe gin. All wrapped up family stories and her mischievous smile.
Every year DH puts up a pile of Christmas lights and yes they are for me and the children, but I'm sure they are also in memory of her and the years he spent keeping her old fairy lights working.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 11:45

Oh, I didn't want to make everyone cry. Sad

I just saw something in the shops yesterday and it sort of set me off. Sorry startail.

OP posts:
peanutmakinalistncheckinitwice · 23/11/2011 12:56

can someone pass me a tissue please?
Such a sad time of year ,my Dad died in 2008, just had his birthday and now christmas coming, I still feel soooooo sad and angry at times Sad
I find a swear word under my breath when I pass the Dad christmas cards helps Confused

JjingleBeanplusPudalltheway · 23/11/2011 12:57

My grandma died a year ago this month, its horrible!

Her christmas card ds and dd made her should NOT have been stood at the front of a funeral it should have been on her dresser.

I miss her so much we all do.

InDulciJubilo · 23/11/2011 13:25

I lost my DDH last year so 2010 was my first Christmas without him. It was hard and will be just the same this year. Even before I'd got to the end of the first post here, I had a hanky out. There is only one thing I would ever like to have for Christmas and I know I can never have it. I know I will join him one day though.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 23/11/2011 13:28

I lost my mum last year and my MIL died last month....cant say I am particularly looking forward to christmas but DS makes it bearable.

I miss my mum everyday, the urge to talk to her is getting stronger and stronger.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 13:29

Hugs to everyone, and apologies for any upset. Many brave faces are put on at Christmas.....

OP posts:
Mrsfluff · 23/11/2011 13:29

I lost my Gran 2 1/2 years ago and I still can't bring myself to delete her number of my mobile Blush I dreamt about her a few nights ago - she was stood in the hall of our old house, she looked so real, as I reached for her she vanished and I woke up Sad

fruitshootsandheaves · 23/11/2011 13:30

I could buy my dad a Christmas present, but he won't know it's Christmas, or even that it is me. Sad

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 23/11/2011 13:31

I always wonder what i would buy my mum - she loved crafty things the same as me so i imagine making her a craft hamper or something. She died when i was 17 so i never bought her an adult to adult present if you see what i mean.
I also think it would be amazing for her to see my kids opening their presents etc she loved babies she would have been in her element baby shopping!. I wouldnt say i get sad thinking about it because it is just the way things are but i do wonder :)

BringHimHome · 23/11/2011 13:31

SparklingBrook

Don't apologise. Sometimes it helps to be able to let forth.