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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wish I could buy my MIL a Christmas Present

59 replies

Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 11:10

But I can't. She passed away 8 years ago when the children were little. I keep seeing things that she would have loved.

And my Nan. The 'Great Grandma' Christmas cards make me sad now because I don't have to get one.

There must be lots of us feeling this way at Christmas. Hugs to you all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 13:37

Thanks BringHimHome. I think sometimes people forget Christmas isn't a totally happy time for a lot of families.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 23/11/2011 13:41

This'll be the first Christmas without my MIL, she passed away in August. The kids have never known my mum, so doubly sad for them. Sad

Floggingmolly · 23/11/2011 13:42

fruitshoots, you poor thing!

shinyrobot · 23/11/2011 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 23/11/2011 13:44

Thinking of my beautiful DD1, who never opened a Christmas present. :(

OtterHumbjug · 23/11/2011 13:56

Last Christmas was the best Christmas, ever, according to my MIL. She got to spend time with all her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She didn't have to peel a sprout, or wash a glass. She got to walk on the beach on Boxing Day morning. And fall asleep in her chair in the afternoons.

She died suddenly this summer, and although I miss her dreadfully, I know we couldn't have made a better 'last Christmas' for her if we had planned it.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 13:59

That's so lovely Otter. We knew we were going to lose MIL and it would be her last Christmas but she was too poorly to enjoy it.

I'm so sorry LoopyLoops.

OP posts:
peanutmakinalistncheckinitwice · 23/11/2011 15:41

I know there not allowed but can we have a group hug? All pile on!!

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 15:56

Squeeeeeze. Smile

OP posts:
GrungeBlobPrimpants · 23/11/2011 16:03

Oh same here OP I have these thoughts every year Sad

DizzyCow63 · 23/11/2011 22:10

I feel the same OP, my lovely MIL passed away nearly 3 years ago, so never got to see DS1 (7mths). She would have been such a fab Granny to him and I know she would have been such a support to me Sad whereas my own mum isn't really.

overeactor · 23/11/2011 22:13

I nearly bought a massive tin of shortbread for my grandpa the other day. Til I remembered there was no point coz he died in August. Sad Think that's one of the reasons this time of year is so hard for so many. You miss special people more.

Strawberrytallcake · 23/11/2011 22:24

I wish my Dad had seen me turn 18 or 21 or get married or meet my husband who he would have loved or our little girl who he would have spoiled rotten and wound up just like he did me :(

Every day since I was 16 it is a tragedy that he is dead. That's why my dd is my world and my family are everything. Christmas is a good time to let your family know that. You can still buy her a present and keep it in your house to remind you of her.

Earthymama · 23/11/2011 22:30

My mum was 92 when she died, and I miss her still, though she drove me crazy on a regular basis. I nearly bought her a calendar and a bar of toffee with a hammer the other day Smile
I am crying at your stories and thanking the Goddess for my good fortune in having 2 amazing children, their partners and 4boys and 1girl who call me Nannie.
DP and I adore them all, and I try to live in the moment with them all.
I feel myself to be part of a long line of amazing women who were strong and made great pies and cakes and showed their love on a daily basis.
I send cwtches and blessings to you all, your loved ones will always be part of your lives, share their stories with your children and grandchildren and they will live on.
My little ones talk about my grandmother who died long before they were born but they know tales about her and say, she would have loved us Nan, wouldn't she?
Excuse rambling, fighting a virus and losing the battle Smile

thegingerone · 23/11/2011 22:38

I wish my mum was here to realise that I didn't in fact lose my first baby (She died when I was 14 weeks pg) and am in fact about to have her third grandchild in the next week!! Gosh my dc have missed out so much not getting to meet her.
But I feel my sis got an even worse deal as she was only 16 when DM died so has a lovely partner who Mum never even met.

Hugs to you all.

eosmum · 23/11/2011 22:39

Funny thing is I could never find a good pressie for my daddy when he was alive, and since he passed away every birthday, christmas, fathers day I see the "perfect" gift for him in the days beforehand.

TrinityRhino · 23/11/2011 22:40

my dds would love to watch their dad unwrap carefully chosen/made presents
they still careful/choose the presents but will leave them on his grave Sad

TrinityRhino · 23/11/2011 22:41

I meant careful choose/make...

TrinityRhino · 23/11/2011 22:42

carefully UGH I give up

TrinityRhino · 23/11/2011 22:43

I would urge everyone to hug, talk to, appreciate, send a letter, phone etc anyone that that you love, regularly
you just never know whats going to happen

I'm sorry if I sound preachy, I know you all know this
sorry

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 22:45

I know what you meant Trinity Smile

I wish the flowers that go on MIL's grave could be placed in her hands....

OP posts:
boohoohoo · 23/11/2011 22:49

My parents died on the 5th December 1997, they were in their early fifties, I was early twenties. Christmas is bitter sweet, I have my wonderful husband and children, but there's always a feeling of sadness for me which I keep hidden from the children.

You know I thought I was over it but on Monday eve I was at my class and people were reminiscing about Christmas when we were children, I found that so hard at one point I thought I was going to run out, I just kept quiet tho because i didn't want to bring the mood down (have had to do that a lot over the years).

TrinityRhino · 23/11/2011 22:50
Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 23/11/2011 22:52

I think that's why I wrote my original post because I have never said it 'out loud' for fear of upsetting people.

Big hugs to everyone who is torn between the excitement of Christmas and the pain of being without loved ones.

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeyMother · 23/11/2011 23:09

Christmas can be a very sad time and these losses do not help, I will always think of my beautiful neighbour who died last year in December - she was fabulous and left behind a very upset family.

I will always remember my cousin, she was killed age 3 and christmas always makes me think about her a lot, she's been gone over 3 years now and it still feels so raw - when I go to visit her grave it always looks so beautiful which always makes it feel much worse - iyswim?

Now I will always remember my mothers cousins daughter, she too was only young, 18 and killed in a car crash on Sunday - she was over in America on her way home for Thanksgiving which will never be the same for them again.

It always seems very hypocritical to celebrate christmas to me sometimes after all of these very painful losses, I have had a very hard time dealing with my relationship with religion recently - I find it all very hard to deal with, I just think about my DS and sometimes it gets a little easier but there is not a day goes by that I do not think about these wonderful people who I was privelleged enough to meet + know.

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