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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so worried about school trip tomorrow that i'm close to keeping her off school

69 replies

RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:05

I know I am being so unreasonable. She is my only one after many years of failed pregnancies and miscarriages so perhaps my perception is off, perhaps all my worry isn't evenly spread out over the children I thought I would have but I am WOBBLY, beyond wobbly, with worry about the school trip tomorrow.

For starters it is a 2 hour coach trip, crazy coach driver on a motorway, instantly i'm a gibbering wreck. Then it's a hour long boat "cruise" which of course produces more gibbering, she cant swim, she is afraid of water, gibber gibber gibber.

I am happy to admit I have huge anxiety problems and they are quite bad and "up there" at the moment so perhaps it is just that but oh for the love of god someone tell me i am not insane to be this terrified, tell me its just my stupid anxiety and that it will all be fine and that I am a terrible person for thinking I should stop her going just to assuage my own panic.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 01:08

How old is your child?

She will be fine though, you know that really, and there is just as much (very unlikely) chance that anything could happen while you are with her as when you are not.

You are not being silly to worry, but you do have to let her have her freedom and indepence along with her peers.

izzywhizzyspecanpie · 23/11/2011 01:10

How old is your dd? What will be the ratio of staff to pupils on this outing, and is the coach fitted with seatbelts?

Is this a 2 hours' total journey by coach, or 2 hours' drive each way with a 1 hour boat trip as the 'main event'?

Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:11

She is 8, well 8 and a half. I know I am being silly and as I said in OP it is my stupid nervous problems that are making me so ridiculously anxious.

I think I just needed to write it down and be told to stop being so stupid and let her go and have a lovely trip. Blush Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:12

It is 2 hours by coach, it does have seat belts, and then they are going to an aquarium (sp?) and then a boat trip then 2 hours back home.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 01:13

Honestly, at 8, she will definately not thank you if you keep her away from a school trip. She would remember that for life!

Let her go, wave her off with a cheerful smile, and she will be fine! :)

Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:13

I feel worse because she is frightened of going on the boat, really not coming from me because I have done my utmost to keep my "problems" to myself, she has always been funny about water. She has asked me to go in tomorrow morning and ask if she can stand with a teacher/assistant when they are on the boat, I hope they don't think I am being precious!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 01:14

And at that age, I went on a school coach trip to Lake Windermere, spent time on the boat, and nobody fell in, had any accidents, and we all got back safe, and that was long before seatbelts on coaches and strict health and safety procedures! :)

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 23/11/2011 01:15

Trouble with feeling ridiculously anxious about something is that you can't remove the feeling just by telling yourself to. Becomes completely overwhelming.

But, at eight and a half your DD really ought to go along on lovely school trips with her classmates. She needs to develop independence away from you. But you know that too.

squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 01:16

Once she sees all her friends are on the boat and are having fun, she will relax. She will come home telling you what a brilliant time she has had.

Can she swim? I am not asking that because I think she will fall in... but is that the reason she is scared of water?

Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:16

You are all right. Nice to just get it off your chest sometimes. Thanks everyone. Will be super efficient at work and clean like a demon when I get home to keep my mind off the worry! Thanks all.

OP posts:
TanteRose · 23/11/2011 01:17

Oh it sounds like a really fun day out!
She will have a wonderful time with all her friends

You really need to get the anxiety under control or it is going to impact on her and make HER nervous when there is no need

Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:19

She can swim but poorly. Her water fear is my fault!! We had a speedboat a year or so ago (doesn't sound that la de da, it was an old thing DH bought off ebay to "do up" it wasnt quite a yacht with a gin deck Grin) it broke down out "at sea" when she was on it. It was little over a mile or two from land but it freaked her out a lot, mainly because I swam back to shore to get a tow! I think that is where it has come from.

OP posts:
Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:20

You are so right TanteRose I must get it under control to avoid putting it all on her little shoulders. Must say, it is a great weight off just to post here and hear other women giving me a much needed reality check.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 01:21

Right, well the boat trip will probably do a great deal in helping her to overcome that fear. She wont be left on her own (I think at 42 and a fairly strong swimmer that would have freaked me out, never mind at 7 years old!), so its understandable that she is a bit hesitant, but you really do have to put on a happy face, and not let her see that you are in any way worried or it will project onto her.

Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:23

I would tow you back in squeaky with my broad swimmers shoulders Grin but no seriously, your right, brave face on tomorrow and will feel ridiculous when she gets back with £5 worth of spending money wasted on a stripey rubber and pencil!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 01:27

tell her to start collecting fridge magnets Grin

Original poster
RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:28

Will need a new fridge if she brings back anymore magnets. I have spanish ones, italian ones, german ones and of course a strange dragon thermometer thing from wales! (that doesn't work).

OP posts:
kipperandtiger · 23/11/2011 01:34

Actually if you are fretting a lot chances are that it'll go fine. Disasters more likely to happen when people are complacent and don't fret even a single bit. If you are overly jittery, you could tell your daughter you wish you were going together but you know she'll have fun with her friends.

BBQWidow · 23/11/2011 01:45

You need to be careful not to project your "stuff" onto your poor daughter. She should be able to take any opportunity offered by school, and it seems mean to take her out and make her miss, what can be, one of those friendship cementing days.

garlicnutter · 23/11/2011 01:55

You are not insane to be this terrified. You're suffering from an anxiety disorder.

All will be be fine!

You are not a terrible person for thinking you should stop her going just to assuage your own panic, but you'd be a disappointing mum if you actually did keep her back ... however, you're not going to :)

You swam over a mile in the sea? Sheesh, you're no wimp! Sounds like you're ideally gifted to improve DD's water skills. Have fun with that!

ShengdanRoad · 23/11/2011 03:40

Anxious, neurotic parents have anxious, neurotic children.

cherrysodalover · 23/11/2011 03:47

Nonsense shengdanroad- some do and some don't........neurotic tendencies tend to be genetic rather than learned.

Sciencegeekmum · 23/11/2011 04:42

As a teacher, I can reassure you that:

  1. Children will be wearing seat belts on the coach and this will be checked again and again.
  2. The coach company hired will be familiar with driving school children and will be doing under the speed limit at all times.
  3. The teachers will be themselves neurotic about your child's safety, especially near water. I never relax on school trips until every child is back with their parents.
  4. No child will be allowed anywhere on their own and the teachers will continually be doing head counts and registers.
  5. More often than not, being with friends will be enough to distract your DC from any fears or anxieties.

Please do mention something about your child's fear to the teacher but not in earshot of your child. The teacher will want to know to keep an eye on her. If you say something in front of your DC it reinforces her feelings and reminds her that there is something to be scared of. Excitement and fear are often interchangeable so the suggestion from kipper is excellent, just pretend you're excited for her.

Best wishes and I hope this turns out to be a positive experience for your DC and yourself!

BoattoBolivia · 23/11/2011 05:07

Really good advice from Sciencegeekmum. Are you doing anything about your anxiety problems? My dh has anxiety issues (although he doesn't seem to worry about the dcs in the same way) and has had various treatments, some of which really have helped.
Can you do anything about her water fear? Some pools do individual lessons that might help her. Try and plan practical steps to help with the specufic problems. Good luck.

WelshMoth · 23/11/2011 05:25

Everything that squeaky and Sciencegeek have said. Your DD's Teachers will be paid to be the neurotic ones today. Relax, wave her off with a hug and a grin.

You're not alone in the way you feel, really you're not. Try not to worry and do let her go - she'll miss out on what sounds a really good trip.

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