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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so worried about school trip tomorrow that i'm close to keeping her off school

69 replies

RedOnion · 23/11/2011 01:05

I know I am being so unreasonable. She is my only one after many years of failed pregnancies and miscarriages so perhaps my perception is off, perhaps all my worry isn't evenly spread out over the children I thought I would have but I am WOBBLY, beyond wobbly, with worry about the school trip tomorrow.

For starters it is a 2 hour coach trip, crazy coach driver on a motorway, instantly i'm a gibbering wreck. Then it's a hour long boat "cruise" which of course produces more gibbering, she cant swim, she is afraid of water, gibber gibber gibber.

I am happy to admit I have huge anxiety problems and they are quite bad and "up there" at the moment so perhaps it is just that but oh for the love of god someone tell me i am not insane to be this terrified, tell me its just my stupid anxiety and that it will all be fine and that I am a terrible person for thinking I should stop her going just to assuage my own panic.

OP posts:

MudAndGlitter · 23/11/2011 05:41

I hope your DD has a great time.

Moobee · 23/11/2011 06:01

I think one of the keys to success is seizing opportunities even though you're scared. That will be a good lesson in itself and she'll be fine!

We never had money to go on any school trips when I was young and I still remember all my friends talking about them for weeks afterwards. I always felt like I'd missed out.

She'll have a great time.

Megatron · 23/11/2011 06:23

I totally sympathise with you, I am exactly the same. :( Both of mine are going to a pantomime (same one) with the school in a couple of weeks and I am beyond crapping myself about it. They've been on trips before without any incident in the slightest and I'm always a gibbering wreck the whole time. BUT I put a huge smile on my face, join in the excitement with them and let them go. But I hate it.

JaneBirkin · 23/11/2011 06:37

I am totally impressed that you swam that far.

Oh yes. I think she will be fine, I really do. Coaches with seat belts removes a lot of the danger in that respect.
And a boat trip will be closely supervised.

Yes, ask if the teacher will take special care of her due to her fear.
If she is happy to go, then I think that is your answer...but I do understand

callmemrs · 23/11/2011 06:49

Agree with the above advice.
Your dd may be anxious about the boat, but sometimes a school trip is ideal for helping a child overcome a fear, because the fear of missing out and not being part of the group is greater.

She will feel isolated and different if she's kept off school because of your anxiety so it's essential you address this

chimchar · 23/11/2011 06:55

red onion.

i have huge anxiety issues too....although i seem to be quite a bit better at the moment. she will be fine, and have a great time.

as a person who has taken MANY children on many trips and outings and has been in charge of hundreds of children over my working life, i can PROMISE you that your daughters teachers and school staff will be super ultra careful to be sure that everyone is safe at all times. also, the staff working on the boat will have their own safely criteria, as will the bus company.

i hope your day passes quickly and that that your dd has a fab trip. x

VivaLeBeaver · 23/11/2011 07:00

If he was a bad coach driver he wouldn't be employed by a coach company. He can't exactly be having lots of accidents or he'd have been sacked. It will be fine.

Flubba · 23/11/2011 07:02

Oh, and do something exciting/occupying yourself today so that you don't think about it all day long (but keep your mobile to hand to reassure you).

Come back this evening and let us know how she got on. :)

belgo · 23/11/2011 07:09

I'm also impressed you swam that far back to shore, but that story is at odds with your nerves for your dd's school trip.

Why on earth are you so worried about a school trip but you took her out on an old speed boat that breaks down at sea and you have to sea a mile for help!

alistron1 · 23/11/2011 07:11

You swam a mile to shore to get a tow?? You are like a super hero, amazing!!!

I get the anxiety thing, the trip is outside your zone of comfort/control. She will be fine though. Honestly.

FellatioNelson · 23/11/2011 07:16

RO of course I am going to tell you that everything will be absolutely fine and that you cannot wrap her up in cotton wool etc., etc., and of course all of that is true, but I just want to say that you are NOT mad (well, actually maybe you are a bit mad but if you are, then so am I) and I empathise because I am similarly neurotic. I have HUGE anxiety issues over similarly daft irrational things, mainly to do with my kids and their safety and their wellbeing. I know it says something deep-seated about my psyche, and I'm not sure what, but it's a real bugger to live like that when other people just seem to be able to let things wash over them without a care, and I know that ultimately I do not do my children any favours by being this way. I agree with others who have said that some therapy might help I could do with some too.--

FellatioNelson · 23/11/2011 07:17

belgo in the speedboat scenario the OP was there, and able to do a constant risk assessment of the situation. That makes a world of difference! It's a weird control thing.....

MidnightHag · 23/11/2011 07:27

Sorry, Haven't had time to read all the replies, so someone else might have said it...Why can't your DD swim? Get lessons sorted! It's an essential life skill.

Sciencegeekmum · 23/11/2011 07:29

"it's a real bugger to live like that when other people just seem to be able to let things wash over them without a care"
Fellatio, you've hit the nail on the head there with one word - 'seem'! Yes other parents can make parenting look like a breezy lark but having met many many parents, I can guarantee that every one of them has an anxiety of some sort over their DCs!

squeakytoy · 23/11/2011 07:33

Sorry, Haven't had time to read all the replies, so someone else might have said it...Why can't your DD swim? Get lessons sorted! It's an essential life skill

Maybe you should have read all the replies then... including the OPs replies... :)

exoticfruits · 23/11/2011 07:38

Every DC should learn to swim-get her lessons now. It is my one class that I insist they do because it may save their life one day.

I should try and have treatment for the anxiety because you will drive her away as she gets older if you smother. This is this is the start, she will be doing school residential trips, sleepovers, may want to take up hobbies like rock climbing. When she gets to 17yrs there will be driving or being driven by other 17yr olds, parties etc etc.

We all feel anxiety, but you must never let her know and never let it it stop her doing things. Wave her off cheerfully. She will be fine.

exoticfruits · 23/11/2011 07:41

I think that you are OK in only thinking of stopping her,I'm sure that you are not going to in reality. We all have these thoughts. I would rather mine didn't rock climb and it isn't comfortable watching.

carabos · 23/11/2011 08:42

My DSs never went on a school trip where there wasn't an accident.
If I were you, I would be checking the staff to pupil ratios, the coach company records, the boat company procedures and all the rest of it.
I am emphatically not an anxious parent, but years of experience tell me that school trips are badly organised, badly run and often actively dangerous. I think they shouldn't be allowed and if they are, shouldn't be supervised by teachers.
Sorry to piss on the parade.

InDulciJubilo · 23/11/2011 08:49

I'm not knowledgeable about these things but would it be possible for a life jacket to be available? Not necessarily to be worn but just so that your DS can see it and know that it's there for her. There ought to be some anyway if it's a boat carrying passengers.

WorraLiberty · 23/11/2011 08:55

Bloody hell carabos that's neurotic with a capital N

I have no idea what sort of strange school your children attend but it's certainly not representative of all the completely accident free outings my children have been on over the last 17yrs.

OP, I'm sure she'll be absolutely fine. In this age of OTT health and safety, trips are safer than they ever were imo.

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 23/11/2011 09:00

In response to carabos, I have never, either as a pupil, volunteer or teacher been on a school trip where there has been an accident.

And that includes taking a class of 8 year olds right across London on the tube.

As a pp said up there^^ mention quietly to the teacher that she's afraid of the water (in fact I'd tell the teacher what you've told us) and the teacher will keep an eye on her as little or as much as your daughter needs.

She'll have a lovely day.

exoticfruits · 23/11/2011 09:09

I have 3 DSs they have been caving, kayaking, abseiling, skiing with the school-not to mention French exchanges, a trip to Russia and Iceland and many more. Never once has there been an accident! It is so rare it is always top news. Take your own DC to school in the car and you run far more risk of an accident.

Mum1369 · 23/11/2011 09:14

Totally understand, I was the same, though mine are a bit younger. Probably too late to say now, but if you really are that worried it' would have been an idea to just explain your daughter is afraid of water or something, that you are really worried, you want her to go but would really appreciate if you could go along as a class helper. Be really firm and they will usually let you go along. Tip for the future perhaps. But sure she will be fine and have a great time ! and try to do something today to keep your mind off it !

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 23/11/2011 09:15

Exactly what exoticfruits said.

Mine have to learn to swim, I brook no argument.

HeidiKat · 23/11/2011 09:17

YANBU to feel anxious, that is totally understandable and I would be exactly the same about my DD going on a boat trip without me. You would be very U to stop her from going, my mum stopped me from going to a school event at a similar age, it was the gala in the local town and the school was putting on a float. Our class had been chosen to dress up and go on the float but my mum decided it was too dangerous, those things go about 5 mph and every other child in the class was allowed to go except me, I still remember how awful and left out I felt when everyone else was trying on their costumes the day before the gala .

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