to be so worried about school trip tomorrow that i'm close to keeping her off school

[RedOnion]

I know I am being so unreasonable. She is my only one after many years of failed pregnancies and miscarriages so perhaps my perception is off, perhaps all my worry isn't evenly spread out over the children I thought I would have but I am WOBBLY, beyond wobbly, with worry about the school trip tomorrow.

For starters it is a 2 hour coach trip, crazy coach driver on a motorway, instantly i'm a gibbering wreck. Then it's a hour long boat "cruise" which of course produces more gibbering, she cant swim, she is afraid of water, gibber gibber gibber.

I am happy to admit I have huge anxiety problems and they are quite bad and "up there" at the moment so perhaps it is just that but oh for the love of god someone tell me i am not insane to be this terrified, tell me its just my stupid anxiety and that it will all be fine and that I am a terrible person for thinking I should stop her going just to assuage my own panic.

I have anxiety issues. my mum had anxiety issues, her mum had them (dont know beyond that!). I am so terrified of passing my problems on to my children I hate being like this (having to plan my day around panic attacks etc) i just dont want them to end up like me by they time the are teenagers which is when mine started.

When i have to do something or see them do something that makes me feel like this i just look around if other people are not panicking then i just smile and even though i feel like icant breathe and am normally shaking like mad i just stand it out. I did have a counsellor once who told me to rate my fear in my head and the main thing to notice is how short the amount of time is that i actually feel at the worst even if its up and down for hours its not constant- you just have to get through that.

Let her go the school trip is a normal part of childhood and dont let her see yoru worried breakdown after she has left

Worra - its not neurotic to relay FACTS.

and another thing Worra, my DSs weren't at the same school....

I can so empathise with the anxiety. I'd been suffering for about 3 years ( chronic health anxiety, panic attacks, the works) and went to my gp. I'm now under treatment and feel like a different person. No, actually, not a different person, but the person I was before the anxiety got its claws in.
Maybe you should try having a chat with your doctor?
I also think you are being very considerate towards your dd by not letting her see how much this affects you. I hope the day goes quickly for you and you'll be in receipt of some gift shop tat before you know it. :)
Btw, on all the school trips I've ever been on, as a child and an assistant, the worst thing that ever happened was a child dropping his lunch in a puddle of unidentified liquid at Chester zoo.

I didn't say relaying facts was neurotic, but this is imo...... If I were you, I would be checking the staff to pupil ratios, the coach company records, the boat company procedures and all the rest of it.

The staff to pupil ratios will be well within the law or the trip would be cancelled due to the fact the insurance would be null and void if they weren't.

I strongly doubt a busy coach company would supply records to every panic stricken parent who contacts them.

And I'm quite sure the staff will relay the safety procedures to the children.

If my parents made that sort of fuss every time I went on a school trip, I'm sure it would have knocked the confidence straight out of me and spoil the whole thing.

In fact I don't know how some parents cope with handing their precious offspring to a teacher for 6hrs a day if they lack that much confidence in the staff's ability to care for them.

RedOnion - I will be around most of the day tomorrow (and rarely manage to prise myself off mumsnet ) so if you want someone to hold your hand and reassure you during the day, I'll do my best.

I believe that anxiety is nature's way of making sure that we look after the next generation, but in your case, and for entirely understandable reasons, the anxiety has got out of control. I also believe that you are a good and loving mother, and are doing your best not to pass these anxieties onto your dd. But I would advise you to talk to your GP about it (if you haven't already done so), as much for your sake as for hers.

Worrying is part of being a parent, but it shouldn't be the biggest part, and it shouldn't be spoiling your enjoyment of being a parent, and I feel that it is, at the moment. Of course, when your dd comes back entirely unscathed from this trip, having had a great time, this will help a bit to put your fears into perspective, so well done for letting her go. Doing something that is painful and stressful for you but will be good and fun for her proves that you are a good mum.

{{{Hugs}}}

I hope the trip went fine. One thing I can highly recommend is a course of 1:1 swimming lessons. DD had these after about a year of classes and it made a huge difference. She did a couple of courses in half-term weeks - half-an-hour at 9 in the morning so didn't stop the family going out.

SDTG I'm guessing the OP's child is already on the school trip due to the time the thread was posted...I think tomorrow means today

Ooops.

I can totally sympathise. It helped me to realise that I don't actually have a choice about trips like this, yes in theory you could keep her off school, but you know that is really the start of a slippery slope that will lead to neurotic and controlling parenting. So you do what's right and send her even though its hard. And actually it really really does get easier!
And for the record, I have suffered from an anxiety disorder (although these days its pretty under control) and my son amazes me with his confidence. Of course he knows I worry about him, but he finds it highly amusing!

eek redonion bit of a wobble going on ,
I think your daughter would miss out going and she would be really annoyed with you if you kept her off ,
what would you say to her mummy is a quivering wreck your not going ! thats just going to make her anxious as you , let her go you are going to have many many more trips to come and i think this would help you both , and i agree get your anxiety sorted i suffer and its horrible that knotty sweaty feeling is the pits , I hope your dd enjoys her trip .

you are being daft and in danger of making your daughter become over anxious and daft as well

That's a bit harsh, I think, ditzymitzy.

I hope it went well and I really would recomend you seeking help for your anxiety, cognitive behavioural therapy can be very helful in treating anxiety disorders. Otherwise you are going to drive yourself mad as she grows up and becomes more independant and has access to more of the world if you are over anxious about everything.

So what happened, RedOnion? Did she go? Did she not? Either way, I guess you're gibbering right now so come back here and have a hug

Your username has given me a huge craving for onion jelly ...

Is she back yet?

Just wanted to add, as a teacher over the last 7 years I have assisted or run over 30 trips including day trips and residentials. I am a first aider on the trips and during that time I have had to deal with: 1 sprained ankle on a hiking trip; 1 broken wrist on a residential (due to a 14 year old girl sneaking into a boys' room and then trying to climb out the window when we were doing our checks). That's it. Two injuries out of 30 trips and both were the sort of injuries that could occur at home.

Injuries and accidents on trips are rare and everything is done in the teachers' powers to avoid them. If they do happen, there is always a qualified person on hand to deal with it quickly and safely.

I hope your DD had a great day!

Please don't keep her off.
Dm used to panic about things and I don't remember having any questions over school trips, but I remember vividly some of the other trips she stopped me from going on... Brownie trip to the circus where we would be getting back after dark in winter You know, she explained carefully to brown owl, that it might be icy.

If you keep her off you will be reinforcing that her fear is justified anyway.