to think this is wrong, wrong, WRONG - or could it be that she is right?

[Bugsy2]

My own experience with ex-H colours my view, so I thought I'd run it by the court of MN.
I've been friends with another single mum from school for a couple of years now. I went out with her on Sat night & she obviously thought we'd got to the stage where she could confide in me.
She told me that she has been having an affair with a married man for 6+ years. She doesn't want him to leave his wife (& DCs) and it sounds (from her) as though he doesn't have any intention of doing so. She says that she is saving his marriage, because without her he would have left years ago. Obviously there were hours of chat, but that is the bones of it.
This has to be wrong doesn't it? I was stunned, as she doesn't strike me as the delusional type - let alone a husband shagger.
Oh, I did ask her what she got out of it & (as a brief summary) she said lots of great sex & a close friendship she values.
Maybe I need to have a more French view of life - perhaps it is fine? It has completely changed the way I see her. AIBU?

Bugsy - of course you have responsibility for the state of your own marriage! All married people do. but but but - the decision to cheat is separate from the state of the marriage - that's down to the cheater.

FWIW Whoopee my ex-H had much stronger views on infidelity than I did too! I remember him telling me that whatever happened, he would never be unfaithful because he'd seen first hand what it did because of his Mum & Dad. Ironic eh?!

It's difficult. A friend of mine had a very brief affair with a married man. I never thought of myself as a particularly judgemental person, but from my own point of view, I just felt sick whenever she told me anything about it, largely because she really wanted a family of her own and so would wax lyrical about reading the Sunday papers with this guy and going to the supermarket with him and how comfortable she felt with him, and I just thought, FGS, his wife is at home with two small children slogging her guts out while he plays happy dinkys with you! Wake up!

I didn't really talk to her much while she was with him, so I wouldn't blame you for not being able to keep this relationship going.

Bugsy my H said the same thing - but in my case it was my own parents who ended up affaired and divorced - my DH had seen the long lasting effects of it and swore he would never go there! Certainly ironic, yes!

Nightsky, maybe we are long-lost twins

Hardboiled, indulgent parents may not have loose morals, but it can be inordinately irritating to be around them and their family

That said, some of my friends are indulgent parents AND have lax morals...(and I keep my mouth doubly zipped)