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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Beavers would allow...

126 replies

chocolategateaudeluxe · 21/11/2011 19:33

...a 7-year-old child to make their own way from parent's car, through the door (5 yards from car), to Beavers Meeting!

I got told off for dropping him at the door! The reason being they might not have been there. They obviously were - the door was open, light in the hall was on, loads of cars were there etc. I'm not stupid!

I mean isn't the whole point of Beavers to support young people in their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing, to promote independence?!? Didn't they use to camp in the woods, learn survival skills, make fires, handle pocket knives?

Tell me if IABU but I don't see how I could be...

OP posts:
Almostfifty · 22/11/2011 13:50

Oh c'mon chocolategateaudeluxe, you're really clutching at straws now.

To run an organisation for children you have to be checked. End of. To be a parent, you don't. As you well know.

Fecklessdizzy · 22/11/2011 13:50

My DP's a Beaver leader ( I do so wish they'd call 'em something else as I get all ffnarr-ffnarr every time I have to say the word Grin ) and he is ultra paranoid that someone's kid is going to come to grief on his watch, to the extent that he's thinking about packing it in because of the worry.

OP You can be as gung-ho as you like with your own child but how about a bit of consideration for the people who would feel it as their own failing if something nasty befell your DS after you've tipped him out at the kerb and zoomed off.

Failing that, if Beavers seems a bit too Health-and-Safety-gone-mad wait a bit and sign him up with the Army Cadets. Wink

SoupDragon · 22/11/2011 14:00

You re kidding me... it's not acceptable to watch your child walk from car to door? Confused I did this when DS2 was in cubs because I didn't want to unload DD. I sent him in, watched him go and waited a minute or two to see he didn't come back.

On the subject of the sanctimonious "why don't you offer to help occasionally?" DSs are now both in Scouts. I've not helped out at all bar baking a cake or two and won't ever help out and I have made this clear.

Why? Because I have a 5 year old and no childcare.

SoupDragon · 22/11/2011 14:01

Where exactly did the OP say she shoved him out of the car and zoomed off?

smalltownshame · 22/11/2011 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fecklessdizzy · 22/11/2011 14:10

She didn't say she watched him go in ... there's plenty of dump-and-run types out there, few weeks ago DP's lot were on the village green doing races and one of the helpers went back to the hut for something and found four kids sitting sadly on the doorstep ... Parents just couldn't wait. Hmm

Almostfifty · 22/11/2011 14:13

SoupDragon.

It's people like you that make me want to jack it all in.

I'm not sanctimonious, I just want to see a load of kids having fun.

SoupDragon · 22/11/2011 14:14

Really? How do you propose I help out then, almost50? Leave my 5 year old at home alone?

SoupDragon · 22/11/2011 14:16

I refuse to be made to feel bad simply because I am unable to help.

You have to accept that not everyone can do it and stop making out that not helping is the most evil thing you can do in the world.

Almostfifty · 22/11/2011 14:16

No, take them with you. I used to. I had no childcare during the week.

We have a rota, each parent comes along once a term. Not too much to ask is it?

SoupDragon · 22/11/2011 14:18

Hahahahaha - you don't know my 5 year old. She would cause utter havoc and completely spoil it for DSs. So no, I won't be doing that because it is not fair on them and I would be no help because I would be controlling her.

SoupDragon · 22/11/2011 14:19

In my case,yes it is too much to ask. I did point out that I could do stuff at home but no one has taken me up on that. I bake cakes (plural) when asked and I donated a £150 GPSr to the troop. However, I will never help out. My conscience is clear.

Sirzy · 22/11/2011 14:20

I think expecting parents to stay and help is asking a lot. Asking them to take them into the building isn't!

Maryz · 22/11/2011 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee · 22/11/2011 14:21

Our beavers and cubs HAVE to be signed in by a parent. Just because lights are on doesn't mean there is more than one leader in the building.

Almostfifty · 22/11/2011 14:22

Do you not think I know 5 year olds? :)

I appreciate that might not work, but your earlier post was not fair on those of us who do it willingly. A bit of appreciation works wonders you know.

I say that as someone who's done it for a long time and can count on one hand the number of thank you presents I've had...

Fecklessdizzy · 22/11/2011 14:24

Don't feel bad ... I'm the same. DP loves the whole " Ray Mears for the under 10's " gig whereas it's my idea of hell on earth so I leave it to him!

All I'm trying to say is that the bods who run the packs HAVE to err on the side of caution because if you have 20 other people's kids to look after that's what you need to do ... He's very laid back about our own.

weblette · 22/11/2011 14:24

I regularly have parents bringing younger siblings when they help out, not a problem.

OP you may see it as inconvenience and mollycoddling, as a leader I view it as a sensible orderly way for you to hand your child into my care as that's effectively what you're doing.

Cubs may do things differently, at Beavers I certainly expect to see who's dropping off and won't release the child until I see who is collecting.

HattiFattner · 22/11/2011 14:34

my ds2 was the longest serving Beaver in the colony. He started coming with me when he was 2 and still, at 9, has to come with me on some nights because I dont have anyone at home to watch him either. So excuses that you cannot help out once a term because you have a child who is less than 9 months away from being a beaver herself - well thats just nonsense.

I would like to say though that my favourite thank you was from a granny and grandad who would pick up their little grandson every week. For Christmas, Grandad paid for the entire colony to go to the pantomime, and then granny gave me her family "secret" recipe for a cake that I had admired and drooled over. How lovely were they! SO you see, a little appreciation goes a long long way.

Kladdkaka · 22/11/2011 14:34

Soup I think it depends on the group, the location, the set-up etc. The leader has guidelines and rules to follow. For some, this may mean don't drop and run, for others that isn't a problem.

I was a brownie leader prior to emmigrating. We didn't have an issue with dropping them off outside and watching them in. Because we were sole users of the building and the doors would be locked until we were ready. So it wasn't an issue for us.

We did have an issue with parents not collecting their kids because they felt they were old enough to walk home alone. We wouldn't allow this. You either come in and collect your child or you don't leave your child with us. This is because we were responsible for that child until they were back under your supervision. On that basis, it was not the parents decision to make. I believe it's different with schools, once the child leaves the premises they are no longer responsible. That was not the case for us.

YourCallIsImportant · 22/11/2011 14:34

I do exactly the same as the OP when dropping DD off at Brownies, so don't think the OP is BU.

I drop DD at the church gates, when loads of other parents and Brownies are about, and the hall light is on and door is open.

She's 8 and it gives her a little independence of walking from the car in the dark Shock to the Brownie hall.

When it's time to collect her I park up and go into the hall to get her.

It's not lazy parenting, it's about giving children a little freedom and recognising that they have common sense to walk 30 yards (in this case).

exoticfruits · 22/11/2011 14:34

This is irrelevant really, the problem is that scout insurance only covers beavers and cubs who are handed over inside the meeting place (at least ours specifies that).

My DH was worried about me getting sued by a parent if things went wrong. I enquired into the cover and the answer seemed to be that scout insurance covered me if I did things according to the letter-so I did stick to the letter-just to safeguard myself.

I pointed out that I was a volunteer, and didn't get paid, to which she replied "why do you do it then?".

When you are dealing with that sort of mentality you can't be too careful.

Sirzy · 22/11/2011 14:41

I am suprised insurance allows leaders to take children who aren't members. I am in a different organisation and if we take our own (non member) children with us to events then we can't count on the ratio for child protection, we are there simply to look after our own child. They have to recorded in the visitor book aswell or arent covered by insurance.

Maryz · 22/11/2011 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kladdkaka · 22/11/2011 14:47

Anyways, surely if the leader sets the rule that kids need bringing in by parents wearing frilly pink knickers on their heads so be it. Get yourself some new headgear or find someone else to look after and entertain your kids for free.:o