To want to get the hell away from people that talk "at" me?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

I'm sure we all know/have come across the type of person I mean. The type of person that goes on and on and on about themselves and if you say anything they just say "yes, and as I was saying.." and carry on talking about themselves. I think it's lack of intelligence that is the common denominator in these types of people. Oh and skin thicker than a Rhino.

I went to town during the week and bumped into a girl that I've known for years, she is actually a friend of my sister's. She had her little boy with her in his buggy so after all the "Hello how are you?" and the "Awww he's grown so much" type of stuff, she then proceeded to just talk "at" me for 5 minutes about herself, and her husband, and what they were getting their son for Xmas. I literally could not get a word in edgeways. She didn't ask about me or my husband/kids or even listen when I tried to say anything. So I said "well I'm in such a rush so I must go, see you again" and off I went.

Then on the school run there is a woman that just makes a beeline for anyone on their own and then talks "at" them, usually about her health or about her daughter's progress in school. Again she doesn't listen to a word anyone says. I avoid her, but our daughters are in the same class and she regularly comes and stands with me at pick up time. It's just such a waste of time having to listen to her, she is so boring and there is no balance in the conversation at all.

Does anyone find they can be friends with this type of person?

DS2's friend's Mum does that all the time.

But she knows she does it and often apologises afterwards

Therefore, we have an agreement that I just tell her to shut the fuck up and take a breath.

It works well

I would say someone who is like that all the time isn't your friend anyway...that's not what friends do. Used to tolerate people like this....now, not so much. Tend to get a bit 'snappy' with them so try and avoid...

I'm MARRIED to one.

When drunk he talks at me for hours.

I believe I can use it in my defence when I eventually snap and tear him into postage stamp sized pieces.

I know exactly what you mean!

Funnily enough, there was a woman like this in our antenatal group who talked obsessively about herself, but struggled to remember details about other people - little things like their names, or the names of their children.

I barely see her these days but I know she's friends with a mother from my DD's pre-school. The friend is just the same "yadda yadda, me, me, me" she's incapable of responding to a question with anything like "how about you, how do you find xyz?"

I was watching her in action the other day and wondering how it works, on a night out - these two self absorbed women - do they rota up who gets to yak about themselves and then use a stopwatch to switch over? So one gets half an hour of monologue about themselves, then the other? Or do they just spend the entire night interrupting each other with tales of their own wonderfulness?

What amazes me about these people is that they think you actually give a fuck.

I have a friend who does this. After an hour our so she'll say "Anyway - enough about me..." but as soon as the next opportunity arises it's back to the topic of her.

Some people find themselves fascinating.

I've known a few men like this. With one of them, it was partly that he didn't see/interpret the social cues very well, so he didn't read body language to know when people were losing interest. This guy could go on forever about printers, or whatever technical thing. But lots of his stories and topics were really interesting, which of course was nice - the printers were an exception. I eventually figured out that instead of, say, looking down, fiddling with my fingers, looking away (which most people would read as cues to change the topic or allow a topic change), physically changing the direction my whole body was facing, or starting to walk out of the room, had a similar effect - he'd finally notice the cue! It felt just incredibly rude to do it, though. His girlfriend used to just say 'they're all done hearing about that now, dear', and he'd grumble good-naturedly and drop it :) It's probably different with the mums you're meeting - they probably don't catch the cues either but sound more self-centred than these guys were..? Would the MN classic "do you mean to be so rude?" work?

Bigkahuna, am loving the stopwatch idea!! I'd imagine on a night out they probably just talk at each other all night, and are so thick skinned they don't even realise the other isn't listening.

Like some of you have said it amazes me that these people think anyone gives a fuck, and also I wonder if any of them have any true friends or actually care about/listen to anyone. Or do they live in their own little bubble of "me-ness" where they think the world and his dog are bothered about their varicose veins/kids spelling test results

Hi
I have a friend who does this too. In the sense that most things that you say to her, will never be used as an opportunity to widen the conversation about what you have just said and possibly explore YOUR situation for a bit before then making links to HER situation. What actually happens is that she links in immediately with her parallel situation about her kids (mostly) and then talks about that for a long time.

She is very giving and kind with her time etc and she does listen to my things sometimes, but she also talks about herself for huge lengths of time and when I know I am going to meet up with her I am half happy but half resigned to the fact that with some exceptions, most of the evening will be about her. She would be upset if I read this and she IS kind, but she does the long winded without a breath kind of talk that can be just EXHAUSTING.

Don't know about you lot - but I tend to keep details of my life/myself economical because I'm overly conscious of boring people, so in a way I "allow" this sort of behaviour from others. Do you find you do the same?

I met someone fairly recently who took a real interest in me, and whatever we were talking about she was interested in my experience/opinion. I was actually quite thrown as it just doesn't happen very often!

wondering2, yes she does sound very exhausting, and to be honest I just couldn't call someone like this a friend as that kind of behaviour shows lack of respect for someone.

I don't mind for short encounters occasionally as I'm not much of a talker myself so can just let them get on with it

But people I know are coming to visit for hours on end, it just makes me want to escape at all costs.

Worse than the ones who talk about themselves are The Lecturers, who will talk at you endlessly in what seems to be an attempt at converting you to whatever their passion is.

So not a discussion about what you think about all things 'woo' but an onslaught of why you're wrong.

Why don't they pick up on the signs you're dying a slow painful death?

'Some people find themselves fascinating.'

Love that, so true

I sometimes talk 'at' people, especially when I am nervous, or to make polite chit-chat. They just don't say anything, so I get a bit embarassed so mention something I've done with the children or what I'm doing later. I do ask questions like 'what are you up to?' but I do witter away. Perhaps they all slag me off behind my back, but it seems to encourage them to chat about themselves too and I do have quite a lot of friends (I think!)

I have a friend that does this a lot. I didn't even realise until she came round one night and my DP commented on it after she'd gone. He said he could see her looking for a chance to interrupt me (when she let me speak!) so she could start talking about herself again!
She's a bit of a tommy-toppit all round, I thought being my pregnancy might make me more knowledgeable on something but nooo, apparently she's an expert on that too!

And I understand, wonder - my friend is kind too and would be upset if she knew what I thought, but I get weekly emails from her updating me on every last intricate detail of her life. Sometimes they run into thousands of words, and rarely do they contain information she hasn't already told me. It's really unnecessary and I've asked her to be a bit more brief but she just "can't".

That's often the thing isn't it? This type of person is an expert at everything apparently. The replies on here are reinforcing to me why I cannot stand that type of person! I think we all have the patience of saints not to have slapped them all!

When I see how some children are treated I think it's no wonder there are adults in the world like this. Some children are never ever listened to. Ever. Their parents just say something patronising or make a silly comment and then shoo the child on. So the child witters on and on never expecting anyone to actually interact with them in a meaningful way and they grow into adults who have no conversational skills whatsoever. At baby group I get bloody swarmed with kids because I seem to be the only adult who ever actually listens and responds in a normal, non-patronising way. One mum I can see is actually pissed off because her son keeps running for me and even though I do try to discourage him as I have my own son to look after I think the few times I've actually talked to him have made him persistent in his hope that it'll happen again. His own mum just sing-songs at him and interferes with his games without actually following his very strict but sensible instructions. Try it when you're out with other people's kids - when one says something to you, responds as though it was an interesting adult who said it, you'll get a surprised look that someone has finally taken them seriously and then you'll be bombarded with the mad conversation that only kids can come up with.

Stand up for yourself euphemia, I bet you have plenty of interesting things to say! Also, it's tedious when people don't speak as well. Not if it's through shyness of course, and you find it excruciating. But I find it really hard work when I have to carry a conversation on my own.

This normally involves me asking a series of questions along the lines of "what do you do?" "do you enjoy it?" "how did you get into it?" until I feel like Jeremy bloody Paxman and feel like shouting "i'm feeding you the lines here, is it so hard to say "and what do you do?"

Not that I'm saying you do that at all!! But just thinking of scenarios when silence is not a great thing.

The irony of this thread is amazing.

You want your friends to shut it and stop talking about themselves so you can talk about yourselves and you say that why do they think you give a fuck about their lives while you cleary expect them to give a fuck about yours.

With attitudes such as this, I wouldn't be surprised if most of you would like to talk about yourselves and your DC's non-stop while hearing nothing about the person you're talking at.

Out of interest, those of you that say your friends that don't stop talking are kind, what do they do that's kind? I think they must be quite selfish, disrespectful people to behave as they do, not letting you get a word in and talking about themselves constantly. One of the main traits IMO of a kind person would be an interest in others and caring about others. I'm not meaning this in a horrible way towards you at all, I genuinely am interested

I'm sorry I probably do this, I talk too much when I'm nervous. I also can't judge when it's my turn in a conversation so if I get an opening I probably carry on too long because I'm not sure if I'll get another turn.
I'm dyslexic and just like spellings, names vanish. I really am interested in you and your children that my crap short term memory didn't record their names is absolutely not meant to offend.
Not picking up people's names is a real social handicap for DD1. She really gets left out because she simply can't keep track of her peer groups interactions.
Please next time someone is a bit socially inept don't judge so harshly. They may be lonely and making a hash of joining in not rude and self absorbed.