DP picking and choosing children

[TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums]

Had a bad night, up every hour with DS or DD. DP was out until half 11 ish, got up at 6 this morning, went to the gym and picked up DSD. They got back and DSD was telling DS they were going to the park. I thought great I can settle DD for a nap and catch up on the housework.
Wrong. DP will only take DS with him and DSD if I go as well so now I have to drag out over tired DD so that DS doesn't know his dad can't be bothered.
Or am I in the wrong for not wanting to go to the park? I'm tired, I feel like crap and there's a huge pile of ironing and beds to change

YANBU. Wtf? Is he only able to look after one child at a time?

YANBU He's being a selfish twat.

i do not understand your post. he will take the son but only both if you go too. so if the daughter is napping why are you waking her up to go with him when he said he would take son on his own?

unless i misread.

either way i would only take one child to a park on my own because i do not like the stress of keeping an eye on two children on my own.

I don't like him, OP.

He's being a cunt. And he will damage your son's self esteem if he does this regularly.

sounds like a twat, why would you only take one child to the park, my dp regularly takes our four boys out to the park so i can have a nap with our dd!

yanbu!

minimischief he wont take his son, he will only take his older dd, who is the op's sdd? leaving her at home wiht their ds and baby dd? when he could take his elder daughter and ds, leaving the op at home whilst the baby sleeps.

and you would really only take one child to the park on your own? what do you do when your partner is at work etc, do you just not go out?!!

How often does he see DSD? Does he want special time with her, so that she gets her dad to herself for a while?
How long ago did he split with her mother?
Perhaps he's trying to be fair and maintain a good relationship with his daughter.

Your DP has got back late, gone out early (to have his time at the gym) so probably isn't aware that you've been up half the night, or is choosing to ignore the fact.

How often does he see DSD? Maybe DSD wants some dad-and-daughter time and he feels that he should spend some time alone.

You don't say how old the children are (I assume DD and DS are younger than DSD?)

Maybe DSD feels a bit "He was my dad first" and there's potential jealousy.
Hard to explain to your DS but I think this time let them go, and do something later together.
Get him to change the beds or leave them.

DSD is with us every other weekend, sometimes more. She's 4 he split with her mum before she was born. He's just such an arse. At the park now but haven't spoken to him since before we left

DD is 18 months and DS is 2.9

what mystifies me about these threads is how these total bell end men managed to get multiple women to think it was a good idea to have children with him.

It maybe as LOTF says that his DD wants his attention without having to share. When you have a second family it is a balancing act. My DGD1 and DGD2 never get any 1-1 time with their DF because the OW DC are always included in all activities. When my DD3 ex FIL said he wanted some special with just his DGD my DD3 ex just stopped taking them to see him. Thankfully she now arranges it separately with her ex FIL.

I agree with those who have suggested he may have wanted one on one time with his darling daughter. I understand your frustration but it might be better to chat to him about it non-confrontationally.

So you don't think he's trying to balance his relationships and avoid jealousy on the part of his daughter to his subsequent children?
4 is very young to understand the kind of family setup she's in.
Although it does show that if he splits with you, he is likely to be a responsible father and keep up good contact with the children.

4madboys

i am a sahd and currently have a 4yr old and a newborn. currently i can take them both. But i did the park thing with my ds and his friend once and really didn't like having to deal with two manic little people.

so yes i would happily stay in unless there were 2 of us. it will not kill them, there is plenty to do.

my 4 year old has severe speech delay atm so i may not be as relaxed as a parent who can effectively communicate with their kids and find him extremely stressfull while out. So that and another would probably make me go home and rock in a corner

If he had said that he wanted time with DSD I wouldn't have minded but his reasoning was he didn't want to have to deal with both of them

'what mystifies me about these threads is how these total bell end men managed to get multiple women to think it was a good idea to have children with him.'

Me too.

i think you may suprise yourself mimi you will end up doing it as you have to, yes there is plenty to do at home, but children NEED to get outside and have a run around, unless you have a decent sized garden you will end up having to go out or go do some shopping, or even trips to the drs.

the idea that you cant take two children out once the baby gets older? what do you think parents do? my dp is at work from 7am till 11pm tonight and 7am-6pm tomorrow, if i stayed in that entire time then i would sit in a corner and weep! so i will go out with all 5 children, and is it slightly manic at times? yes it can have its moments, but you do just have to get on with it, the more you do it the easier it becomes honestly!

and yes maybe he does want some time with his dd, but equally she is part of this family and as such needs to spend time with all of them, he could have some one on one time later as i am guessing that the little boy will probably have nap later? but a trip to the park is something fun that they can do together.

that should be mini

Tricky situation as ds already knows that his Dad and his sister are going to the park, I'd imagine he'd feel pretty excluded watching them go out to have fun.

I understand that he needs one on one time with his daughter and if this is the reason he wont take ds I think he could have took his Daughter to the park after picking her up and then maybe do something with all the children when he got back so no one is left out.

If he insists on not taking ds I think I'd drag myself out and go to the park with them and leave the ironing and beds until tomorrow. I do think he should ds with him though as its unfair now he knows about the park trip.

I need to learn to type quicker.

What gets me is that these chaps complain abou thte stresses of looking after one child, but their wife or partner LOOKS AFTER ALL OF THE KIDS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY ALL DAY WITHOUT RESPITE thus it is a bit of a kck in the teeth when he won't take just 2 out of three to allow partner to have a well deserved rest and chance to catch up on chores (oh yes that well deserved fucking restful chore doing)