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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think children in the UK are getting an increasingly short childhood?

89 replies

Feminine · 18/11/2011 21:46

That really?

Having been abroad for 6-ish years ...it strikes me that they do.

For example, if poster is talking about an 8 yr old ,then without fail, many posts will say things like : "Oooh 8 , thats almost a TEEN ,so yes I would let them walk home from school on their own ...prepares them for secondary"

As I am tired and have a cold ,that is the only example I can come up with right now..but I am just struck by how fast (on many subjects) kids in the UK are sometimes encouraged to "grow -up"

I am not talking about keeping them as babies ...mine are independent ,but here(US) kids are allowed to be just that, kids!

OP posts:
cantspel · 18/11/2011 23:04

I am spoilt for shopping as i live in sussex with Brighton and its wonderful shopping experience right on my doorstep. But i dont think i could carry off the cowgirl look even though you do see some weird and wonderful sights in Brighton Blush

Original poster
Feminine · 18/11/2011 23:04

meditrina I can see that :)

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 18/11/2011 23:06

The biggest limitation to childhood is

  1. starting school at 4
  2. homework
  3. Extracurricular activities: parents ambition on behalf of kids leading them into playing piano or violin seriously from the age of 4+
  4. Parents long working hours, leaving children with a nanny to do tea and homework and extra curricular activities rather than just be and free play.
redroof · 18/11/2011 23:22

Quintessential, spot on.
I would say children are more mollycoddled these days. At age 7, my friends and I would be out and about all day until dark, without mobile phones. We'd walk to school on our own, use public transport on our own.
Aside from schooling and homework etc etc, kids are being treated as kids more than ever nowadays in the U.K.

Original poster
Feminine · 18/11/2011 23:26

redroof how long would you say it has been this way?

I have been away for 6 years ...it seems not much could change..am I wrong though?

I might be out of touch?

OP posts:
megapixels · 18/11/2011 23:27

I agree with you about the girls' clothes in the US, much better choice for a 9 year old who doesn't want to wear teen clothes yet. Here in the UK in most of the shops from around 8 years it's the same styles that go up to age 16 Hmm.

redroof · 18/11/2011 23:42

I would say within the last decade. When I was growing up, we were treated more as young adults, presently, I believe children are being wrapped up in cotton wool.

Original poster
Feminine · 18/11/2011 23:45

When we come back my eldest will be 13 , I am interested to see how things compare.

My siblings are one thing ...I would like to see how my parenting plays out 6 years later...

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 19/11/2011 00:01

My DD is 12 and not really getting teenish yet. Still likes mucking about. I was asking her about xmas, we got onto clothes - she really doesn't want 'designer', said that one of her friends had complained that she had loads of designer clothes but nothing she could get muddy in. DD has loads she can and does get muddy! Yes, there's lots of unchildlike clothes but there's still more decent kids clothes to choose from than when I was young because there's so much more of everything available now.

Role models - the Swallows and Amazons children - from the world before teenagers had been invented, children who could go out and sail boats etc wearing 'comfortables'. You can still pretty much do this if you want, you know.

nooka · 19/11/2011 00:06

Feminine where do you live in the States? I ask because we lived in New York City for a while (having moved from London) and what you are describing is so wide of the experience that we had that I am wondering if you perhaps live in the Mid West?

We live in Canada now (in a small town in the interior of BC) and our children are having a childhood more like the one I experienced 30 years ago (walking to school, lots of playing at each others houses without supervision, hardly any homework, lots of outdoors stuff etc) but I think that's mostly to do with living in a community where people generally know each other, where no one has a huge amount of money and where families are very outdoor focused.

When we lived in NYC people had pretty similar lives to our friends in London except that they spent a huge amount of time supervising homework (up to 2 hrs a night for an 8 year old) and taking their children to activities.

This summer we had a family meet up, and among the cousins are three 11 year old girls. One lives in Wales, one in Melbourne and then there is my dd. We thought that dd was perhaps the loudest, but generally they were all at pretty much the same stage re growing up.

lesley33 · 19/11/2011 00:10

Interesting about the post saying kids are not allowed to muck about here any more andstandards of behaviour expected are higher.

I don't think that's true actually. But because most children in the past played outside a lot, this is when they would muck about, shout and scream. They were mostly expected to behave well in the house and with adults. But the amount of time this applied for was often quite short - whereas now it can be for quite long periods of time e.g. whole of saturday.

GrimmaTheNome · 19/11/2011 00:12

lesley - on the whole that's right, though I remember many rainy sunday afternoons quietly watching whatever old movie was on the TV, not being allowed to 'raunge' in the sitting room. That or all reading!

SootySweepandSue · 19/11/2011 00:28

I thought the post by reallytired was interesting saying that we are prolonging our childhoods by having families later. Maybe stifled childhoods is where all this binge drinking, credit-hungry culture has stemmed from. I definitely played around a hell of a lot more in my 20s than my teens. A lot of teens go nuts when they go to Uni. I noticed the ones from the most well-off families were among the worst.

Other cultures are a bit more subdued non?

Original poster
Feminine · 19/11/2011 00:57

nooka or perhaps I should call you Sherlock Wink :)

Yes, we live in Indiana.

OP posts:
Tattyhead78 · 19/11/2011 01:12

No, it's too long as it is. They should be made to do work to earn their keep.

Tattyhead78 · 19/11/2011 01:17

You can't leave a 16 yr old at home alone at night (despite the fact they are allowed to get married). It is perfectly acceptable to open an 18yr olds post and recently we had the ultimate -a 22 yr old is too young to be a teacher!!! This all despite the fact that it's perfectly acceptable for a 16-year-old to die for his or her country (with his or her parent's consent).

molly3478 · 19/11/2011 07:19

I think you have to dress up a lot more now even than you did 10 years ago eg hair straigtened all the time, hot pants, big hadbags etc from about 12 when you see the girls hanging around on the streets. Its different from when I used to be out in hoodies and jeans and I am only in 20s . You have to look amazing permantently

I can also see a huge, huge differeece between our 10+ girls and that of the foriegn studets we have in out town. English girls dress like they are going clubbing nearly constantly eg in park, standing outside the corner shop etc

Bonsoir · 19/11/2011 07:25

IMO American children are molly-coddled to death and the British are following that dreadful example.

The freedom to be a child does not preclude being responsible - the freedom to be a child means that you have times in your day that you can do whatever you like with, be that playing with your dolls house, running around outside with your friends, reading a book entirely for pleasure...

exoticfruits · 19/11/2011 07:30

I do think that the fact that children start school so early means we expect more from them. i know when mine started at 4 they was expected to be able to toilet themselves properly, including wiping, deal with their luchboxes, do up coats, put on shoes ect. None of these were a bad thing and i would rather see a child doing their best to be independant than a child who still cant do up a pair of shoes at 5 for example.

They always did this by that age, they are just not as good as it now because they are babified. I wrote last night when I was tired and my last sentence was rather a contradiction saying that childhood had been taken away. I meant that it was taken away because the freedom and responsibility had gone, but at the same time they are DCs longer because overprotective parents don't let them get on and do all the things that used to be taken for granted, like going off and catching a bus yourself at 11yrs etc.
They are the prisoners in the golden cage. No wonder they are stuck in a virtual world, parents feel they are safe in their bedroom at home and yet they can meet far worse on the internet than they would out in the community!

Tattyhead's quote is mine and it is utterly ridiculous that they can join the army at a stage where they parent wouldn't let them get on and cook dinner if they were not there to supervise. And words fail me when you get people saying that 22yr olds are too young to be in charge of a class!!

exoticfruits · 19/11/2011 07:31

Molly-coddled to death sums it up!

Proudnscary · 19/11/2011 07:50

We as individual parents are in charge of our children's upbringing - we have choices, no matter what any general patterns are or are perceived to be.

I live in an area where children have extra Mandarin lessons, tutoring for grammar schools from 7 years old, where children are molly coddled and where some parents would rather their dc play on the Wii for hours then let them go outside.

We choose to say 'bollocks to that'. My Year 5 son walks to school on his own, there is no way he's being tutored. He is doing extremely well at school does not need more than an hour or two of homework a week. We don't have any games consoles etc. It's up to us - we don't wring our hands and worry about the state of the world today what anyone else is doing with their kids.

StealthPolarBear · 19/11/2011 07:52

Where on America do they trowel make up, fake tan and hair extensions on tiny girls in the name of beauty pageants?

Bonsoir · 19/11/2011 07:55

I went to nursery school when I was three, and to primary school (Y1) when I was four, in the 1960s, and I am quite sure that I was fully able to take care of going to the loo, undoing and hanging up my coat, changing for ballet, swimming and gym etc - I can remember all those activities and, apart from swimming where a few mothers were encouraged to come and help, we had no extra adults apart from the teacher to get us ready. And I did sleepovers at that age, and had friends for sleepovers.

My DD is 7 and I have tried quite hard to ensure that she has the freedom to learn responsibilities for herself. However, it is quite hard to find other parents to play along with. DD's best friend is German and the friendship has clearly developed in part because DD's friend's mother has strong feelings about ensuring her children are independent but also children, as I do. As such, the two girls have grown up in a culture that means that they are on a similar wavelength.

LtEveDallas · 19/11/2011 07:56

Tattyhead, a 16 yr old can join the Britsh Mil, but cannot deploy until 18, so saying they can die for their country at 16 is wrong.

I am old fashioned in many ways where DD is concerned. Clothes for one. Whenever her school has a non uniform day I am always horrified and some of the clothes they come in. I expect teens to look like they are about to go clubbing, but not 6 yr olds! And the many girls that wear make-up on these days...Shock.

I also don't get the need for 'stuff'. At 3 DD started pestering me for a DSi because many of her friends had them. Now at 6 she has 2 friends with phones. Why? They all seem to watch crappy shows on TV - iCarly and the like that I thought were aimed at older kids. DD is quite happy watching cartoons. When we had a friend round lately she wouldn't play in the garden in case she got dirty, she wouldn't play with the dog in case she got hairy, she told DD her bedroom was babyish and when I tried to get them to play a game together (guess who) she got bored and wanted to watch 'Drake and Josh'

Conversely I think the way/area we live in allows kids more responsibilty than her schoolfriends. Most of the kids on the patch go to the local school (DD didn't get in) and most walk home on their own. We have a number of 9 and 10 yr olds that are 'latchkey kids' and no-one bats an eyelid - but this is because we all 'know' each other through work, and know whose kids are whose.

DD makes herself a picnic most days, and has a few chores she has to do, but mostly I let her be a kid.

meditrina · 19/11/2011 08:04

Being forced to be a child soldier is one of the most effective ways of shortening childhood.

It doesn't happen in UK (where you have to be a volunteer, and will not be sent to operational theatres until you are 18), but if you look at the worldwide position children are sent to war from age 9 (though more commonly early teens).

Children in US/UK/Europe have remarkably long and relatively untroubled childhoods.