To want to work??

[wifey6]

I am a SAHM but work 4 hours at a weekend to earn extra money to pay my bills etc. My DS is with his dad..my DH..while I work. My previous employers offered me 5 hours on a Saturday which for a few weeks now has been good & worked well. However...they would like to make it more permanent but my DH won't give up the afternoon to have our DS..only 1 weekend a month. So this would mean me relying on my mum & MIL to watch our DS. It just seems a bit unfair to me? AIBU though?

I would tell your 'd'h where to go!

He won't give up his weekend to be with his son??!!!

Or is it that he wants the family time with you all together?

If the former, he is WELL out of order.

jeezo, when I went to work after dd, he used to have dd from 11.30am to 9.30pm on his own every saturday. He and dd had a fab time and often went off and did fun things. In fact I found it helped them bond.

He is finishing off our garage..electrics...cementing etc & has said until that is finished he can't spare any more time. I am gutted as I have had to let my boss down tomorrow because my mum is busy (rightly so as its not her responsibility & has helped me the last few weeks). I'm cross I have to lose money- especially leading up to Xmas as our garage comes first!!!! sorry...I am so angry!

I wouldn't! I would accept the
Job and tell him to be a father rather than a damn handyman!

One Saturday a month! He needs to concentrate whatever other work in the remaining days of the week.

I thought he would be pleased I wanted to do more hours...as I struggled to leave my DS with anyone until recently...& DH would often accuse me of not trusting him. Now I'm giving him the opportunity...he isn't interested! It making me mad as he is making out his need is greater than mine..I know he wants the house/garage to be done etc but I also want the independence of bringing in a wage.

A baby is for life, not for Christmas

football...he does work 50+ hours a week but I agree he could use Sunday as his 'garage day'. I'm trying to compromise. I got offered great jobs...all full-time but turned them down as my place is with my DS & I really thought my DH would help compromise too.

Have you told him all of this as you've told us? Maybe he just doesn't understand how much it means to you. I'd have another chat about it and just put it as simply as you can.

mummymccar...we have discussed it all week when I was asked to work tomorrow. He flatly said he wasn't giving up any more time as the garage needed to be done. I tried (calmly) explaining how much it has taken for me to leave our DS & how I feel it helped them bond etc. it's as though he isn't even considering my side at all.

In that case I think you need to tell him how selfish he is being. You deserve a few hours away, he has his garage time on a Sunday, he doesn't need it on Sat too. I wish I could offer you more advice, I'm sorry!

mummymccar....any advice is very appreciated...thank you. Just disappointed

Right - so - he is working on the house and you are criticisinmg him for doing so? he's doing building and repair works? Plus working 50 hours a week?

He is finishing off our garage & does work 50 hours a week. But he gets 3 evenings a week at the gym & Sunday night at his mums. So I feel I'm within my rights to want to work 9 hours a week. That's the only 'free' time I do get.

YANBU, obviously. He's being stupid and selfish, basically saying that his work is more important than yours and, oh, he doesn't mind dumping his children on the grandparents either, because they obviously don't have anything they want to do on their weekends.

50 hours a week isn't all that anyway. I used to work 70+ hours a week and still had plenty of time to socialise.

The fact that he goes to the gym 3x a week just reinforces that he's being a selfish twat.

YANBU to want to work. What about paid childcare if you cannot agree on dh looking after ds?

I am still astonished that fathers out there get away with this illusion of "babysitting" their own children!! YANBU to expect your husband to be a father and mind his child so you can work a few extra hours ONE DAY A MONTH!!!!!

Well I have now lost the other job! Spoke to DH this morning again about it...he said to tell them I can only work 2 weekends a month...1 he will watch DS the other my mum. I told them this...but was very upset... They were disappointed as they said how good at my job I am but they need someone every weekend. I am gutted.

Wait, so our husband is only going to be spending one weekend a month with his son? I know separated parents who see their children more than that! Your DH is being very unreasonable, maybe you should let him get up nights from now on?

*your, not 'our'!

He isn't doing anything now (except 4 hours a weekend)...my bosses need me & I can't fulfill it so they are looking for someone else. I am gutted.

So, I might have missed it but why can.t you get paid childcare?

I can not afford it...it wouldn't be worth me working that extra time.
I'm just going to have to accept that this is the new plan.