To tell my mom I am pg a month before we tell the IL's

[Alligatorpie]

i am Canadian, hubby is British and we are currently living in Egypt. I am 10 weeks pregnant.
We are going to England for Xmas and dh wants to surprise his family by me getting off the plane with a bump - I am fine with that. I will be 17 weeks then.
But I want to tell my family, who I will not be seeing until Feb, at 12 weeks via Skype.
Dh says we can't tell my family in 2 weeks and his family in 5, I disagree. I don't want to wait until 17 weeks to tell my mom.
They won't talk to each other before Xmas anyway and I will tell them not to tell on the off chance they end emailing or chatting on Skype.
I said fine, we will tell his parents via Skype at 12 weeks, but he wants to surprise them at Xmas.

AIBU or is dh? Obviously I think he is! Cheers!

I mean tell my mom is 2 weeks and his family in 7 weeks, not 5.

Personally, I think that if he wants to wait and surprise his parents in the way he has described, that's fine. But if you want to tell yours at 12 weeks, then that is also fine.

If you wait to tell your parents until his know, his will have had the lovely surprise of seeing you get of the plane with the bump, but your parents will find out over skype anyway.

YANBU. He is.

Making you wait to tell your parents because he wants to surprise his is U.

YANBU to want to tell your own mum first.

I think it's lovely that he wants to surprise his parents in this way, but think as you are doing 'his' way for his parents, you should get the say on how you tell your own.

He may think 'my DPs will be cross if they find out they had to wait an extra 7 weeks' but chances of them finding out? Also, even if they do, I think retrospecively, the way they are finding out is so exciting that it justifies the delay.

I think it's lovely that he wants to surprise his parents in this way, but think as you are doing 'his' way for his parents, you should get the say on how you tell your own.

That makes perfect sense, and seems fair to both of you.
Congratulations!

We told my in-laws and ds1 that I was pregnant on Christmas Day. I told my mom later on, on the phone, as she lived a couple thousand miles away from us all.

Tell your parents how you want to. You might want to ask your mum questions.

Besides if you have a bump it'll be visible on Skype but I wouldn't count on it. I didn't show with DS until past 25 weeks so several people who saw me at Christmas with a baby due April didn't know.

Telling your parents is up to you. Telling his parents is up to him. If he wants to play party games with his parents thats up to him. You want to tell your parents the wonderful news asap, he wants to be a drama queen.
YADNBU!

My mum was the one who suggested I POAS & I really wanted to be able to talk to her early on. She asked if she could tell my dad, but they kept it quiet.
I knew that telling MIL meant telling the whole world, so we waited until after first scan to call them. We asked her not to tell anyone, but sure enough we got congratulations from DH's extended family within days.

Would never have worked with my parents because my mom would have instantly emailed my MIL, but if your sure they won't spill the beans, do it your way.

You may well not have a bump that's visible at 17 weeks. I just looked a bit porky until about 20 weeks+.

Oh and yanbu.

He is being unreasonable. You are quite prepared to tell everyone at the same time, it's him that wants to keep the secret from his family.

It's pretty mean of him to want to cut off the potential source of support that your own family could be in order to control how you share your news. You'll probably want to ask your mum for advice, or just talk about the pg / birth experience. This business of treating your pregnancy as a way for your DH to lay down the law to you troubles me a bit, Tbh.

All I wanted to say is ....
Alligator Pie Alligator Pie if I don't get some I think I'm gonna die
One of my favourite poems!

Anyhoo.... YANBU

YANBU. I think its unfair to ask you to continue to wait since your family won't be seeing you at Christmas. Asking your parents not to say anything should sort it.

Agree with the others regarding a bump at 17 weeks, I didn't show until I was past 20 weeks. Hard to remember exactly but somewhere between 22-24 weeks I think it was. Before then I just looked like I'd put on weight.

YANBU . Mind you I didn't tell my dh till after I had told my dad and a friend so I'm not the best one to dish out advice

YANBU

I told my parents I was pg shortly after I found out. DP wants to wait until Xmas to tell his parents and that's up to him. He had no issue with me telling my parents when I wanted to.

YANBU you should each be able to tell your own parents when you wish. To wait till 17 weeks is aaages to wait when you'll still just be telling your parent over skype. He IBU.

YANBU you should tell your parents how you see fit, and if you tell them not to tell anyone (presumably you won't tell anyone else until the IL know?) then how would PIL find out?

I told my parents straight away both time, in-laws found out after the 12week scan, but then I'm very close to my parents and DH isn't so close to his.

Off-topic slightly, it's lovely that your parents and his parents chat to each other on skype and phone, wish ours had some kind of relationship...

Sounds like your DH is trying to have it both ways. I think you're being quite reasonable in offering him the choice.

First thing my mum and mil did was to congratulate each other on becoming a grandmother. Need to bear this in mind if you're wanting to keep secrets. Anyway, what if your parents have arranged bungee jumping for your visit in February?

Your dh is being very unreasonable, and selfish.

He wants it all his own way, and you need to tell him he simply can't have it. Why should you and your Mum have to miss out on talking about it now just so his family can have a surprise?!

Also, if I was his Mum, I wouldn't be particularly impressed at finding out that way, I would rather know sooner instead of later.

YANBU, I told my own parents a couple of days after the BFP but waited until 12 weeks to tell the inlaws. The reason was that I am close to my own family and my mum has experienced miscarriage so wanted to have someone to turn to if it didn't have a happy ending. While my inlaws are lovely they can also be hard work and I was feeling very anxious up until the 12 week scan in case of the possibility of MMC and really couldn't face being bombarded with questions about how the pregnancy was going until I knew the most risky period had passed. Your DH is BU to expect you to wait until 17 weeks to tell your family and I know that my parents would have been quite hurt at that, all because he is determined to do a big dramatic reveal to his family.

Do what you think is best by you and your husband.

However, we told my IL's after my parents as we're not as close to them and we had problems with the baby at the beginning of the pregnancy - and they hold a grudge about it.

So, I would say if you want to tell them later, then fine - but don't tell your IL's that you told your mum a month ago!

Good luck with pregnancy!

I told my mum the day I got my BFP, through an entirely seperate and not very interesting argument that still leaves MIL and OH not talking I didnt tell MIL and FIL until 12 weeks when I knew all was ok, they arent happy that they didnt find out until then but more because we didnt tell them straight away - thats my unreasonable in laws for you lol

YANBU your OH cant have his cake and eat it unfortunatly