To tell my mom I am pg a month before we tell the IL's

[Alligatorpie]

i am Canadian, hubby is British and we are currently living in Egypt. I am 10 weeks pregnant.
We are going to England for Xmas and dh wants to surprise his family by me getting off the plane with a bump - I am fine with that. I will be 17 weeks then.
But I want to tell my family, who I will not be seeing until Feb, at 12 weeks via Skype.
Dh says we can't tell my family in 2 weeks and his family in 5, I disagree. I don't want to wait until 17 weeks to tell my mom.
They won't talk to each other before Xmas anyway and I will tell them not to tell on the off chance they end emailing or chatting on Skype.
I said fine, we will tell his parents via Skype at 12 weeks, but he wants to surprise them at Xmas.

AIBU or is dh? Obviously I think he is! Cheers!

YANBU

As others have said, his big reveal may turn out to be dreadfully disappointing. I didn't show at all (not even a bit porky) until about 20 weeks with my first. I didn't have a proper bump until long after that. You may end up very disappointed if you wait the extra time and there's nothing to show.

Surprise them all at 12 weeks. If he wants a big surprise, email them a copy of the scan and wait for them to phone excitedly.

I just looked fat until about 5 months as well I think (hazy memory)

Could you not tell your mum to keep schtum to your IL's as your DH wants to surprise them.

Particularly with a first baby, you're quite likely not to have a noticeable bum at 17 weeks (you might look as though you've been hitting the mince pies a bit early, but possibly not even that). Even leaving aside the his parents vs. your parents issue, I think his brilliant plan may well just be a bit of an anticlimax as his parents completely fail to notice anything.

" quite likely not to have a noticeable bum at 17 weeks"

Or WORSE his parents think you have put on a lot of weight and are too polite too say anything and there's a long uncomfortable silence while your DH waits for them to say congratulations and they are tactfully not looking at your increased girth...

Unless you are very very slender - then you might get a real bump earlier on.

I think you should tell your parents now anyway they'll be so excited!!!

YANBU Your DH is BVU. You're accommodating his wishes to tell his DP's when you see them so he should accommodate yours to tell your DP's when you want to.

"Getting off the plane with a bump" is unnecessarily dramatic: could hurt the baby and would definitely leave you with a bruised bum!

bump, not bum. Actually, you are likely to have a noticeable[y larger] bum before you have a noticeable bump. Life is cruel that way.

The awkward silence as no one wants to say anything in case you've just been hitting the mince pies is a very likely outcome. It definitely won't be how your DH imagines it.

You could buy one of those t-shirts with "baby on board" and an arrow pointing to your middle, or something like that.

For avoidance of doubt

herdoftinyelephants maybe she needs to get off the plane arse first?

It's quite likely to result in a bump, at any rate...

YANBU! He can tell his parents his way, you tell your parents your way.

If he wants to tell his parents at the same time as yours - tell both lots via Skype at 12 weeks. If he wants to save it to tell his parents a different way.....his choice - but I think you still have the right to tell yours at 12 weeks.

In my first pregnancy I wouldn't have looked pregnant at 17 weeks. I went on holiday 19-21 weeks and people there didn't know I was pregnant. I was slim pre-pregnancy....by 20 weeks I looked like I'd had a few pies, but didn't look particularly pregnant.

A lot of us have a really special relationship with our mum's/families - they're the first people we tell when we're pregnant, and it's not for him to dictate when you tell some of the most important people in your life.

TBH it sounds a bit like it's all about his family getting a "lovely surprise". (And the first thing I thought, as others have said, is that you might not even be showing at 17 weeks - I certainly wasn't.)

Just tell them. Whether our not you choose to let on to him that you have done it is up to you, but if you do he'll just have to get over it.

YANBU

I know this is his baby too, but you are the one carrying the child and this is a very vulnerable time for many women. Telling your mum may help you as you will have someone to talk to who loves you and understands when the hormones get too much. He is being selfish. This is your body, you tell who you like. I told my mum before his parents, and I think this is quite common.

I just read dh these responses, he says, he thinks it would be a nice Xmas surprise, but h I ok with me telling my family whenever.
This is a second baby and I am already down to one pair of work pants that fit. Even if I just look fat an not pg, his dad will still ask my if I have put on weight - he us not the most tactful man.
Maybe I will get my dd a tshirt that says, "I am going to be a sister", just to avoid any embarrassing silences!
Thanks for the feedback.

Yanbu. And I think the bump on a plane surprise is lovely!

Just make sure your parents don't steal your thunder to your ILs. Remembered a thread a few days ago about MIL blabbing about engagement before ring was re-sized.

My parents found out I was pregnant about five months after some of my friends. The other grandparents (and I use that term ever-so loosely) will find out when somebody mentions the baby is born. Sometimes things don't always work out the way they traditionally ought. Hope you come to an amicable decision:)

your carring baby - your choice who knows what :)........ i didnt tell DH i knew the sex of the twins because i got him to agree i could choose boys names and he would do girls as he said he didnt want to know. I told my twin sister and my mum :)