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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off that people ask 'are you wanting a girl?' when I tell them I am PG after having 2 boys?

89 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 17/11/2011 21:22

I am only 7 weeks pregnant and have barely told anyone yet. But the three people I have told so far have all said 'are you wanting a girl this time?'. I have 2 DS's who are my utter world and I am so used to boys things that I would be really happy with a third DS. However, a wee girl would obviously be lovely too just to balance the family out a bit :o

I would be absolutely happy with either a boy or a girl, it just annoyed me that people assume that I would want a girl ie, be disappointed if I have another boy.

Should I expect this response from everyone?! AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
lottielou39 · 18/11/2011 16:50

it wouldn't even occur to me to think that the gender might be 'an issue' and I think it's weird to think that, unless you have strong gender preferences yourself and can't imagine someone else not having a preference. I just wouldn't dream of asking 'would you prefer a girl/boy' this time and didn't even ask my own sister that question, cos it's a redundant, silly question.

nickelbabe · 18/11/2011 16:53

you could always respond by picking them up on their grammar "I think you'll find the correct way to word the sentence is 'Do you want a girl this time round?' However, even then, you would be very rude to suggest that I want a girl because I've already got two boys"

ShirleyKnot · 18/11/2011 16:56

nickel - have you had your BAYBEEE yet?

nickelbabe · 18/11/2011 16:57

nothing wrong with 3 boys, anyway.
I'm one of 3 girls.

I sister has 3 boys.
my other sister has one of each.
i have a friend who has 3 boys and a girl. she wants her next one to be a girl, just because it makes it easier form an accommodation point of view! Grin

lottielou39 · 18/11/2011 16:58

oh yes, I can understand the bedroom sharing aspect. That's a whole other issue, especially as they get older.

nickelbabe · 18/11/2011 16:59

Shirley - have you seen the live birth thread yet?
no? then No!

(OP, this is what you get when you get close to the end - constant questions whether you've had it yet next time I'm going to do what Showy did and leave it secret till after the birth _
Wink

lesley33 · 18/11/2011 17:00

It wasn't an issue for me whether I had girl or boy, but it is for quite a few parents.

somewherewest · 18/11/2011 17:04

YANBU. I'd be quite happy with two or three boys...am slightly terrified of the tide of pink, frilly shite that would engulf our house if we had ever had a girl

lottielou39 · 18/11/2011 17:07

no tide of pink frilly shite here!
I always lol at how people assume boys are hard work and girls are pwetty pink pwincesses who play with dolls quietly. My girls are both tom boys in many ways and have always hated wearing dresses and having their hair tied up. They're loud, noisy and love to roll around in the dirt. My youngest girl wants snails and a remote control tarantula for Christmas! Everyone I know (with one of each) says boys are easier, especially when they hit the teen years!

ShowOfHands · 18/11/2011 17:07

Grin nickel. I guess I'm not as attention seeking as you and Reality. The pregnancy went much faster as a secret though.

I like to think the best of people and I'm assuming at 7 weeks you've only told people you're close to and presumably tend to like and respect. And also chuck in the fact that most people get these comments, I think it probably files under 'things people say when there's not much else to say'. I think it just slips out and unless there's tone or substance to it which suggests otherwise, it's one of those things.

If we take offence at the comments then it's in our power to point out why and then it won't happen again but largely I think you have to let it go.

Towndon · 18/11/2011 17:37

By asking the question at all, you're implying there's a possibility that there could be an issue. For those with no "issue" about the sex of their baby - or anything else - it's rather insulting to have someone testing the waters to see what your "issues" might be! And for those who are hoping for a boy/girl, surely if they want to discuss that with anyone they'd bring up the topic themselves, not have it wheedled out of them by someone nosy.

Towndon · 18/11/2011 17:39

I'm in the "just very lucky to be having a baby, don't mind either way" camp FWIW.

Familydilemma · 18/11/2011 18:52

I find it strange how many people assume one of each is desirable. I had always assumed that if you're having two then a matching pair might be ideal. And three-well same goes for that. If you have four, two and two maybe? But idle speculation really-we fought hard for our three and their gender was of interest but not importance. I mean I looked, there was one or other set of bits and we had a gorgeous baby!

NoSeriously · 18/11/2011 19:04

YABU- it seems a perfectly valid question to ask of someone who has 2 children of the same gender.

If they say too bad when you have a third son you will NBU to be peed off.

Honestly people, your pregnancy (especially any pregnancy bar your first) is of so low importance to everyone but you, your partner and possibly your other children it's not funny. Like down there with chicken salad or turkey salad for lunch.

Asking you questions about the pregnancy is their way of acting like they care because they know it's important to you

StarlightMcKenzie · 18/11/2011 19:07

I think it is worse if you have one of each tbh. People can barely hide their confusion about a third and some (mil) treat you as if you are insane.

exoticfruits · 18/11/2011 19:08

People make small talk-it helps the world go around. I don't expect they care what you have! Is it any better if they mention it might be a boy-or are they not supposed to make a comment? Hmm

NoSeriously · 18/11/2011 19:12

People keep telling me I'm lucky as about to have a boy and already have a girl. Perfect pair I guess- except I don't want a boy. Oh well. Doesn't keep me up at night... well the having a boy thing does actually but hey.

Chandeleria · 18/11/2011 19:19

I have 2DD and we are unlikely to have any more but I still gets lots of 'won't you have one more to try for a boy?' and 'but it'd be a shame for your DH to not have a boy' type comments.

I think there is an assumption that men will be disappointed if they don't get a son (to play football with) and that women will be disappointed if they don't get a daughter (to dress in pretty things). Its bonkers.

liveinazoo · 18/11/2011 19:32

i had one of each then got the "what are you hoping for?" to mhich i usually snapped "a baby"..tbh all i ever wanted was healthy kids and find it very insulting that one sex could be more important than the other.each child is an individual regardless of gender and i got arsier about it the further i got into pregnancy and the more people that asked me

lottielou39 · 18/11/2011 19:35

NoSeriously, why don't you want a boy?

Towndon · 18/11/2011 19:46

Well if they don't actually care, why can't they ask something more genuine that they are interested in?

NoSeriously · 18/11/2011 19:48

Honest answer (even though it's stupid)?

Cause I was never a boy.

Also got pg very quicly after dd (she is only 9 months so never got to experience any "girl" time alone with her. Maybe if I had a 5 year old I would be excited about something new. But I am honestly disappointed. I don't tell people that in RL though. I wouldn't want to offend anyone as I know I am lucky to be having any child at all. Just always saw myself with girls. Not a girly girl myself so it is nothing to with dressing them up or anything like that

NoSeriously · 18/11/2011 19:50

Towndon because if someone told their friend they were having a baby and then the friend said "oh yeah, that's nice. I'm going shopping tomorrow what are you up to this week?" We'd have a load of sad pg women wondering why no one will feign interest in their pregnancies.

It's small talk it keeps us from all turnin in to hermits.

Diamondwhite · 18/11/2011 20:25

I am 10 weeks pregnant and have 3DS. This was an unplanned pregnancy and so I think the comments are go to be hard to handle. Atually I feel that practically and financially a boy would be easier. Plus I sort if feel like they would fit more easily into our family.

Fwiw I was very happy with my 3boys. I guess I would feel the same with 3 girls though.

Familydilemma · 18/11/2011 20:27

It's also one of those questions you risk a false answer to tbh. I had a bit of a preference each time but I knew it would be irrelevant in the long run so chose not to share it. Imagine if one of mine knew I'd fancied the other gender? Especially as it is so fickle for me? So it's a bit like asking people if they're having any more children. This time I categorically say no but I'd fudge it when we were trying for ds and miscarrying and when the debate with dh was ongoing before dd2 was made.