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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds kicked another boy in the testicles, argh!!!!

57 replies

McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:21

Totally unprovoked, left a bruise :(
AIBU to ground him till his 50??!
Feel I should personally appologise to the poor boys parents, should I??
Ds is 6, am soo ashamed and disappointed in him :(
They are having a children in need fun day tomorrow going in fancy dress. Will not be allowing him to participate.
To harsh?! Not harsh enough, help!!
What happened to my lovely ds??

OP posts:
Choufleur · 17/11/2011 20:25

Really did nothing happen to make him do it?

pooka · 17/11/2011 20:26

Hmm.

I would get your ds to apologise to the other child, if he hasn't already. And I would be tempted to apologise myself to the parents.

I really don't think that I would be withdrawing him from the children in need fun day.

OUt of interest, would you be doing the same if he had kicked the other child on the ankle. I suppose what I'm getting at is that to adults, the idea of a kick in the testicles is abhorrent. How aware do you think he is of the difference?

Did the school punish? I think I'd be tempted to go with apologies to parents, ds apologising (maybe writing a letter) to the boy. And going with whatever punishment the school has decided, if they have come up with one, rather than adding my own that would effect his school day IYSWIM?

SecretNutellaFix · 17/11/2011 20:28

Was it in school? If so, how have school dealt with it?

If not, then I would say he needs to apologise to the boy he hurt at the very least. I would also say he can't have friends over to play for two weeks or go to theirs.

Don't stop the fancy dress tomorrow- I'm assuming they are paying to go in non uniform which is raising funds for CiN.

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:28

Nope he said they were just talking.
On in depth questioning he said the boy was annoying him but can't remember why Hmm
He's never done anything like this before. Don't get me wrong he is an energetic boy who does play as rough as most 6 year olds but never anything like this.
Feel like such a failure

OP posts:
Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:30

School spoke to both boys, he has said sorry.
No overt punishment just the note being sent home

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 17/11/2011 20:30

I think not letting him participate in Fun Day is too much and, anyway, how are you going to effect this? Take him out of school for the day? Just make him go in school uniform and still let him do the other stuff? Who's going to look after him if he's not allowed to participate? The school won't have enough staff.

Second what Pooka said about backing up the school and maybe writing a letter to the other boy. Depends on many factors. What do the school say about that?

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:33

He's made a wee card for the other boy.
Was going to send him in uniform, everyone else will be dressed up.
Will donate regardless. He was really looking forward and actually said to me.
"mummy I've been to naughty to be allowed to dress up"Sad
The fact it was a kick to the testicles is relevant as he knows this could be very dangerous

OP posts:
LunarRose · 17/11/2011 20:33

Absolutely ground him for life, but let him have children in Need fun day tomorrow.

Am Assuming that school handled the whole apologising thing at the time so don't apologise to other parent but if you know them and you want to smooth it over, say something like "hope xxxx is ok, I've had a good long word with DS and he knows he's done wrong"

Speaking as a mum of DS with special needs who often hurt other children when he first started nursery (and now still occasionally)

LunarRose · 17/11/2011 20:34

The card is sweet. I think the thing is aslong as he knows he's done wrong you don't need to be too hard

SecretNutellaFix · 17/11/2011 20:37

The card is sweet, but I think perhaps the two weeks with no "playdates" should be instead of the fun tomorrow. What about making him choose which he thinks should happen to little boys who did what he did?

suebfg · 17/11/2011 20:38

Sorry but that is absolutely shocking behaviour and deserves a harsh punishment IMO.

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:40

It's probably a pfb thing but suddenly feel that I have completely let him down with poor parenting. Suddenly flash forwarding to a life of street fighting tatoos and piercings!!! Where did I go soo wrong?!

OP posts:
Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:41

Secretnutella he said if he was the daddy he wouldn't be allowed to dress up and he would be grounded

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 17/11/2011 20:41

It's only poor parenting if you don't attempt to correct the poor behaviour shown.

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:41

Sue, I appreciate your honesty

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 17/11/2011 20:43

Oh dear.

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:43

I know this is a massive hormonal over reaction but I'm so disappointed and ashamed. Just want to make sure I do the right thing now

OP posts:
probablyveryunreasonable · 17/11/2011 20:43

Funnily enough this happened to my DS yesterday - he was the one kicked, the other boy is 6, ds is 7 and they are in year 2. Am pretty sure it's not the same incident as there was no bruise and slightly different circumstances.

Yesterday DS was a little annoyed and had been upset at the time as it had hurt. Today, when I picked him up from school they were playing footie together. The boy was spoken to yesterday, apologised and as far as I am concerned, that is it.

The mum approached me in the playground after school and apologised, and I told her it was fine and not to worry. The poor mum had been awake all night worrying. I really appreciated it though as it's out in the open and completely resolved, so there is no awkwardness there.

I think it sounds as though your DS has done wrong and regrets what he did. I really wouldn't stop him dressing up tomorrow. He did a stupid thing, something he knew he shouldn't do. But he is 6 and more importantly knows he has done wrong and is unlikely to do it again.

suebfg · 17/11/2011 20:45

I'm no expert but I think things like that have to be nipped in the bud. I can't understand why a parent should leave it to the school to determine the punishment. No, they are our children and we are responsible for their behaviour.

probablyveryunreasonable · 17/11/2011 20:46

The last flurry of posts weren't there when I started. From the sounds of it your son is not an out of control thug. He is 6 years old and did something wrong, probably on the spur of the moment for reasons even he doesn't know. This is clearly not an every day occurence and the child is not saying what he did was ok. For those reasons, I really would let it lie.
The other mum at school was as mortified as you are, which obviously shows this is not a lack of parental control, just a 6 year old boy doing something stupid.

slavetofilofax · 17/11/2011 20:47

What is making him say that he shouldn't be allowed to join in with CinN? I would want to know where that has come from and why his self confidence is so low that he cant see that he made a mistake, but that's all.

He is six, and of course he is old enough to know that he did something wrong, but if his friend can forgive him then he needs to be allowed to forgive himself. He has to understand that he did a bad thing but that does not make him a bad person, and the best thing he can do is learn from the mistake and not do it again. If he is already very sorry and is learning, I'm not sure that such a harsh punishment is justified.

Andrewofgg · 17/11/2011 20:47

If it's any consolation it will have hurt a lot less than it would in adult life. And that's one matter on which I may have more knowledge than most of the forum!

suebfg · 17/11/2011 20:49

I should add that I'm quite sensitive to this sort of thing as my son (who is pretty quiet and unassuming) has occasionally been on the receiving end of bad behaviour. From what I can see, 'soft' parenting is often at the root of this - children need a firm hand and clear boundaries.

SecretNutellaFix · 17/11/2011 20:49

I think he's picking that up McQueasy. Have you told him that you are disappointed with his actions?

So, he has verbally apologised and done a card. Most people here think he should be allowed to participate tomorrow, but no-one has really disagreed with the grounding, so I would go with that.

southeastastra · 17/11/2011 20:50

it was probably just an accident, i don't expect he actually meant to aim where he did.

the school has also dealt with it so i would leave it tbh. he's 6 not 16