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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds kicked another boy in the testicles, argh!!!!

57 replies

McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:21

Totally unprovoked, left a bruise :(
AIBU to ground him till his 50??!
Feel I should personally appologise to the poor boys parents, should I??
Ds is 6, am soo ashamed and disappointed in him :(
They are having a children in need fun day tomorrow going in fancy dress. Will not be allowing him to participate.
To harsh?! Not harsh enough, help!!
What happened to my lovely ds??

OP posts:
dementedma · 17/11/2011 20:51

I think there are some massive over-reactions here! He knows he did the wrong thing, he has apologised and made a card.
sheesh, I bet both he and the "kickee" will both be over it and playing happily tomorrow if the adults stop acting as if he has just murdered someone. he's 6 ffs. Got carried away, did the wrong thing, knows it, has apologised. End of story.

probablyveryunreasonable · 17/11/2011 20:53

Sue I see your point. My DS was removed from his last school as he was regularly beaten up. The school wouldn't deal with it and the parents were useless.

However, I woud bet anything that these parents were not on MN worrying about their child's behaviour and they certainly never apologised in the playground.

The OP's DS has made one mistake. He knows the OP is taking it seriously and probably has that very horrible feeling in his stomach. I doubt that making him be the only one not to dress up tomorrow will help. There will children there who are naughty ten times a day taking part. He did it once, ackonwledged it was wrong and apologised. What more can he do?

suebfg · 17/11/2011 20:54

'I think there are some massive over-reactions here! '

It must have been a pretty hard kick to leave a bruise. You might feel differently if your child was on the receiving end.

suebfg · 17/11/2011 20:57

I agree that excluding him from the activities wouldn't help - after all, Children In Need is a positive thing and we should all be encouraged to take part.

But if my DS did that, I would take other action such as banning him watching TV or something else that he liked. Doing nothing wouldn't be an option for me.

But that's just me and it seems to be working thus far.

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:58

Slavetofilofax
He's in no way lacking self confidence. But we have very clear rules and boundaries.
For example he knows that the punishment for lying is much greater than owning up and telling the truth
(potentially another part of the problem, the information was discovered in a note, he didn't volunteer it)
He knows he's a good boy that did a bad thing and he knows that naughtiness will be punished.
He knows that if he does something really bad he does not get a treat. The fact he volunteers the decision about dressing up shows insight, not a lack of self confidence

OP posts:
Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 20:59

Sue, he is not allowed to go to his football lesson and will not be allowed to watch tv at the weekend.
He will instead be helping me to clean the kitchen and paint the spare room

OP posts:
suebfg · 17/11/2011 21:01

McQueasy - apologies if my posts have been a bit blunt and if I've misunderstood your intentions.

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 21:08

Sue, not at all. All opinions welcome.
Would do anything to make sure this didn't happen again. Honestly can't tell you how bad I feel about it all.
I was struggling to hold back the tears when I was giving him a row. Can't believe he has physically harmed another child.
That poor boy.
Don't even think I could pick his parents out in the playground to speak to them.

OP posts:
suebfg · 17/11/2011 21:16

The parents of the other boy will know what has happened. I think they'd appreciate some reassurance that your DS has been giving a dressing down and that it won't happen again. I think that would be a positive thing.

Original poster
McQueasy · 17/11/2011 21:23

I've written a letter to the teacher and will try to find them in the playground tomorrow
As he has pretty much resigned himself to no dressing up I have to follow through with this. He can earn the rest back with some hard graft over the weekend. Thanks all

OP posts:
LunarRose · 17/11/2011 21:27

That's the point he has understood he has done wrong and feel guilty. Actully I think in that situation he has been sufficiently punished. No had he not realised how wrong he had done that would be a different matter.

paddyclamp · 17/11/2011 21:39

No TV - fair enough, no football - also ok ... BUT i think not allowing him to dress up for children in need is out of order .... he will stand out like a sore thumb and feel crap all day ... also i think it is likely to keep the whole altercation going ...everyone will want to know why he isn't dressed up and by having to explain it the incident is being brought up again and again

southeastastra · 17/11/2011 21:42

why are you writing to the head, it's a bit OTT

banning his football is enough.

i'm feeling sorry for him!

LunarRose · 17/11/2011 21:44

Actually I agree with Paddy on this.

When our child hurts another we often feel it for longer and far worse than the children (or other mothers!! involved).

You're doing ok. He made a silly mistake, clearly knows it is a silly mistake.

If of course he does it again I would say you are entirely justified.

probablyveryunreasonable · 17/11/2011 22:12

Please let him dress up. If we go to school tomorrow and the boy that kicked my DS yesterday isn't dressed up as he's being punished, I would feel awful!

My DS is very sensitive but is completely over yesterday's incident - and it was slightly worse than what your DS did as there was something else involved (not going to put on here as it is totally identifiable!)

RillaBlythe · 17/11/2011 22:24

I kicked a boy in the testicles when I was about 7 or 8. We were playing chase but there wasn't really any reason to lash out. I didn't like him but he hadnt done anything. I can't remember my punishment, but he went home for the rest of the day, and I still remember the sick disappointed feeling when I told my mum what I had done.

I honestly have turned out pretty okay despite that act.

FabbyChic · 17/11/2011 22:32

One. Rime one punishment you are going overboard with no tv, cleaning and painting. Don't take it too far.

dementedma · 17/11/2011 22:37

op you are being PFB. Stop beating yourself up. sounds like you have raised a normal boisterous 6 year old who has made a mistake (he's SIX), but who is well enough raised to see the error of his ways and feel bad about it. sounds to me like you're doing a good job.
suebfg all 3 of my Dcs have, on occasion , been hurt by other kids. when it's been one off, swiftly followed by abject apologies by child and parents, it's no big deal. If a bruise is the worst thing that happens to them in life, they'll have got off lightly! Life sucks at times, sooner they understand that and can handle it, the better.

Tikacat · 17/11/2011 22:53

Don't be too hard on him. He is a young child, he made a mistake. He acknowledges this...there is nothing to be gained by further punsihment.

shockers · 17/11/2011 22:59

Blimmin heck... one out of the blue kick in the wrong direction and he is branded as a thug for all eternity unless he he punished forever to salve your concience about your parenting.

We all make poor decisions from time to time. A quick consequence and a recap of why that was dangerous should be enough for a first offence!

Hardgoing · 17/11/2011 23:08

I agree one punishment is enough, surely sending the card in and going in school uniform is enough. He's sorry, he made a mistake, he's made reparations, let it go. I think dragging it on all weekend and into the next two week's playdates is really too much (and whatever happened to the punishment of feeling terrible cos your mum was so cross and disappointed).

YOu have to let children believe they are fundamentally good but occasionally stuff up. It would be different if he did this all the time.

Sevenfold · 17/11/2011 23:08

please let him do CIN, he has said sorry and knows he has done wrong, reward him for that please

seeker · 17/11/2011 23:18

He knows he did something wrong. He has said sorry. You have told him off- the school has told him off. Time to draw a line under it. Start again tomorrow.

If you see the parents, you can say sorry from you and him- but don't drag it out.

Oblomov · 18/11/2011 09:59

I don't think sending him in school uniform is the right thing to do. That's just humiliating to his other friends. This requires punishment at home, no tv/no wii for the next week for e.g.
He knows he has done wrong, doesn't he ?
Ds did this. In the first term of reception. school had terrible trouble with rough play, and ds said that the other boy had been kicking and punching him a bit too hard, for weeks. so he did it. But we did talk sternly, very sternly, about how this was totally totally unacceptable. I was so ashamed. I made him apologise again to the boy, and I apologised to the parents. Never mentioned the excessive rough play to anyone.

Oblomov · 18/11/2011 10:00

Also, I think daddy needs to thave a talk to him. My dh had a great talk to ds, at the time, about play fighting, and also testicles. I think its better coming from Daddy.