AIBU.... to want a bit of recognition from parents for all the GOOD I do?

[juniper904]

Tonight was the first of our two nights of parents' evening, and it's been an exhausting time.

Minus the fact I was at work for 12 1/2 hours today and worked through my lunch, as well as being on break duty, I am a bit down with the general lack of recognition from parents for the positive things I do for their children.

I'm a year 3 teacher, and I work 60+ hours per week without a doubt. I have a million and one things in place to help every child feel settled, I think the children enjoy their time in my class and I have worked really hard to establish a safe and enjoyable learning environment.

Every child's book is marked with encouraging feedback, with two positives and one 'next step'. All the children know what they need to do to progress, and how they should achieve their next steps.

I deal with so many everyday trivial issues, including arguments involving 'finders keepers versus losers weepers' and I am patient and calm, even when the 20th child asks the same question we have discussed 20 times.

So it's really disheartening to be shouted at, accused and generally spoken to in unpleasant ways by parents, when it all seems uncalled for. They are the minority, but even the parents who didn't shout and scream didn't really show any recognition for all the positives. They all want to point out the minor, trivial things that aren't perfect. Like I forgot to wish a child happy birthday, even though it was on a Saturday. And I remembered the following week.

I know that's a lot of moaning, but it feels pretty crappy when you try to make learning fun and effective, and parents don't appreciate it.

So am I being unreasonable? Should I just stop whining, and start counting down until the Christmas holiday?

Well, you sound like a great teacher, and I'm sorry that you have come up against such an ungrateful bunch of parents!

Is there any possibility that you're being a bit over-sensitive? I hope the children in your class appreciate your efforts - after all, they're the ones who really matter in all of this.

YABU, get a different job.

Just remember you will be loved in 30 years. Thank you Mrs Fogerty, if you are reading.

But you get long holidays and a huge pension.....................................

it is disheartening when you are spoken to as if the only reason you go to work is to RUIN a child's education that day

sorry you feel down, remember it was a minority of parents, you are knackered after a long and stressful day and it will all feel better by the morning. I hope you get a good night sleep.

YANBU. I did tell DD's teacher how pleased I was with how she was doing etc. a few weeks ago at DD's parent evening. Such a shame you feel so disheartened by things tonight. Have a and get your feet up.

Im always grateful to teachers for all the wonderful things they do for my girls, BUT i only have my girls to worry about, and therefore i can afford to focus only on them.
Teachers get things wrong, and as a parent im happy to say something.

I would love someone to recognize all the good i do, but that not why i do it, and never exspect it.

Oh dear, I've engaged in a bit of teacher bashing on MN recently (out of frustration) but I hope I would never take it out on one individual in person. You sound like a really good teacher who cares about her job. I work in a different sector but I certainly understand how it feels when you seem to be criticised all the time without any recognition of the really good things you achieve.

People are never satisfied, that's the thing. And if they're criticising minor things, that actually means they are happy with the important ones or they'd be moaning about those. That's how I try to look at it anyway.

if it helps i always think very carefully about leavers presents every year, like the gardening books for the teacher going off to become a gardener, and a box of travel goodies for the one heading off travelling.

I think its normal tbh, sad but true

Be civil to the parents, but don't look to get your recognition and validation from them. They tend to focus on their child to the exclusion of all else, and find it challenging to realise that to you they are one of 30+ who are all equally special in your eyes. Plus many like to grumble about small details.
They will notice every error and accept the fantastic things you do as the norm.
I enjoy teaching because of the children, and any adult appreciation tends to come from my peers. The occasional nod from a parent is a welcome pleasure but not needed for my happiness.
If your class are having fun and learning, and all making good progress, then that is a fantastic high. Enough to balance the sour adults.

I think one of the problems is parents evening itself. As a parent it is extremely frustrating that you have to condense so much into a short space of time. I think the curriculum should allow for parent/teacher time - offer casual appointments once a week on a first come first serve basis. I know this sounds like more work but it might help to get your side of things across as well.

My dd has vertical tutor groups, meaning each tutor only has 15 parents to deal with. Not all tutors are proper teachers, but essentially are mentors. So it means each tutor gets to know each child really well. That's secondary school, but most primaries have at least one assistant, so it should be possible.

Our parents can have an appointment any time they like, they don't have to stick to parents' evening. I've never worked in a school where that wasn't the case.
Phone up, book a time and come in.

I normally save my 'thanks for everything you've done' for the end of the school year to be honest.

I do understand what you're saying but anyone in any job that deals with the public could say the exact same thing.

wish my kids teachers made so much effort.from experience teachers make or break whether my kids have good year at school and try to be positive.pity thats not bin the case this year or last for one my tribe

Is that really usual, DownbytheRiverside? I sent in a letter with some medical info I thought teacher should be aware of and asked to come in to discuss. No reply then was told at parents evening a couple of weeks later that the letter hadn't been passed to the class teacher yet and she didn't have time to pick up extras within our allotted time. I sent in a copy of the letter requesting another time to chat. No reply after a week so I sent a reminder. Have now been offered 10 mins before school starts just before the end of term. And this from a school rated outstanding by Ofsted...

Obviously, you're not like that, but I do echo the point that if as a parent you're really squeezed it's probably too easy to get in there straight away with any concerns without taking time to comment on the positives.

YANBU! The teachers at my kids school are (mostly) fab and we have a laugh and chat at parents evenings. There is never a need to shout, early learning is important but good communtication is what I look for and it seems you are doing that just fine! For the record I always thank the teacher for their time..and I have 4 dc's!

mamseul, my experience also. We did have a parent liaison officer come in from the council and insist that the teacher sees me every fortnight so we could iron out issues that had developed over the years (SEN). That was incredibly useful and gave me much more insight into the way things worked at school.

Well, I don't think YABU. I am shocked that parents actually shout at you, there is certainly no call for that. You sound like a very good teacher and as if you go to great lengths for the children in your class.

My ds3 (5) has a great teacher this year. We have a parent evening next week and I will remember to give praise where praise is due. I have to say though, I have had no major issues since he started school so have never had a 1:1 with his teacher and this is the time where I would normally bring up any minor issues and given the limited time we will have it may seem as if I am moaning about little things. I could say nothing but sometimes a little word can sort so much out.

I have not always been so lucky with teachers. They are not always as diligent as you but I have always given each teacher a card and gift at christmas and the end of term (only the really good ones get an Easter egg).

I'm sure most parents will appreciate what you do even if they don't tell you.

Think yourself lucky,Some people get spoken to like that everyday.

nurse in a and e.

I always give the teacher some positive feedback or thanks but .... the ten minutes we are allocated on parents' evening isn't about the teacher or the other 29 kids in DD's class it's about my DD and my concerns about her progress.

There's no excuse for shouting at you or being rude but there are some bloody awkward teachers out there.

YANBU... Your working hours are your own business (no-one gets thanked for going the extra mile) but be as assertive with the parents as you are with the children. Rudeness is unacceptable. No-one who works should accept that kind of treatment from anyone they come into contact with. You don't have to be popular with the parents of your students and if they know that Ms Juniper is no pushover, they'll treat you with more respect.

Good luck :)

You need a thick skin to survive sane as a public servant!

'There's no excuse for shouting at you or being rude but there are some bloody awkward teachers out there.'

Agreed, and some bloody awkward parents.

Ah Juniper YANBU no....I listen to parents complain at the schoolgate when I am waiting for my DS - half of them don't need to work and frankly don't know they are born. The rest (either SAHM or WOHM) DO appreciate the work the school and it's teacher's do. I recommended/nominated DS's lovely teacher from Y3 for a Pearson Teaching Award last year. So we are not all ungrateful - personally I think teachers do a difficult and demanding job.

I think it is a shame and you should get treated nicely at work. Unfortunately most jobs are like that though.