to think that the children are not just the woman's "job" and a man is not "helping" if he helps with his kids?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

So many friends of mine refer to their DH/DPs as "helping with the kids". A friend of mine was ill at the weekend and her DH (after much persuasion) took their children out for a few hours so that she could rest. She said that he'd been so good, helping out with the children at the weekend. WTF! They are his kids!

Another friend has just been on holiday with her husband and children. She said her husband "helped out a bit on holiday so she couldn't complain". She then went on to say he slept on the flights there and back, leaving her to deal with the children, and spent his days laying on the sunbed whilst she supervised them. He was apparently "very good" and "helped to get them ready in the evenings and mornings" though.

My mum is as bad too. Referring to it as "babysitting" if my DH is home alone with the kids, and saying that he baths the children "for me". It infuriates me.

Just seen how incredibly contradictory my title is! Gah! Oh well you all know what I mean, I'm sure!

Some people just have crap DHs unfortunately. Not me.

Agree - but society is slow catching up! Everytime one of the men at work says he is staying at home tonight because his OH is going out, all the older women say "Oh, aren't you good, isn't your OH lucky". One man said his wife was going on a training course over the weekend & I'm not kidding but two women in the office offered to make him some casseroles to take home with him on Friday!!!!!!

My god. Is your friend married to my husband?!

YADNBU.

My family are terrible for saying that sort of thing. I constantly get "Oh your dh is always helping you with the kids. He does so much." and, for example, when I'm at a tutorial on a Saturday "Oh did dh look after the kids for you. Aww poor dh after a week at work having to look after the kids on his time off"

My friend then said after her DH had taken their kids out for a few hours he was knackered and said he'd done his bit, and went for a lie down as he was tired. I would go mad if my DH had that attitude

Any time my husband goes out I tell people I cant come out as I am babysitting as I am and thats why I cant go out. Most women and men I know say that when one is out and the other one is in.

However luckily most men I know do loads with the kids at all times so I suppose when you both use the term babysitting then its ok.

YANBU. I think its really insulting to my DH if someone insinuates that he is babysitting his own children.

Whenever my dh looks after my ds he refers to it as babysitting , which drives me mad !! I don't say I'm babysitting ds so can't do xyz

Sorry that should be our ds

Oh I HATE when women say that "my husband is babysitting the kids" erm, no, he is parenting them.

I think some peopel just say it as a term if i cant make it as my husband is out I say I cant come Im babysitting, I wouldnt say I am staying in parenting the kids. It is a common term for both genders to use here and I have never known anyone know it as a big deal

my mum used to describe my DH as 'good with the kids' when he did anything for them, and 'such a help' if he did a minute task in the house makes me laugh how people seem to think he needs a medal for helping out once in a while

The ex would get women of all ages fawning all over him, telling him how 'good' he was when he was out and about with all three. Maybe if he'd have done that, gone to work, then come home and breastfed, and had them on his own for 6 months at a time it'd be more impressive. Just in case this sounds like he didn't work - he did, long hours.

I used to be in a choir and when I turned up at rehearsal when DS was about 6 weeks old the older women were all very surprised. One asked me "who's got your DS?" and another said "Is your DH babysitting? That's right, get him working, it's good to get out once in a while!" as if it would be one-off favour on DH's part rather than the regular weekly thing that it was. My mum's generation and older were very much expected to do the vast bulk of childcare and the man's contribution was considered a favour. When my sister and I were young and my dad was unemployed he still expected my mum to do everything for us even though she was in full time employment. She soon disabused him of that notion! I was very pleased that from day one DH considered looking after DS as much his job as mine. To be honest I thought it would be more of a fight but no, he just slipped into the role easy as anything. There have been issues with housework but that's cos he's a messy git little bit untidy, but we're working on that :)

I overheard my husband on the phone the other day telling a male colleague that 'You can't babysit your own kids - it's parenting them'.

A home and children are a part of a father's life so how anyone could refer to it as 'help' is baffling.

My XH, when I asked him if he would have DS on a night in the week that wasn't part of our childcare arrangement so I could work an extra shift, told me he "wasn't a babysitting service". I said he was right, he was a parent. Some people baffle me.

That'll be why he's your ex then foxy?

When DS was fairly new, I used to go to post-natal swimming. All the mums would line the carseats up by the side of the pool by the wall whilst we huffed and puffed but, what with most of them being pfbs, it could be a bit stressful if any of them started snuffling or wailing. So I leapt at the chance when DH was at home one day (ostensibly working) and suggested I leave DS with him. Not only that, he offered to have my friend's baby too! The other mums - and the midwife running the group - were astounded that a man was at home with 2 babies, one of them not even his. When we got back, he was flat out on the sofa watching the cricket, both boys fed and changed and fast asleep, one in his chair, the other on his chest.

It would indeed Clam

No a parent shouldn't say they 'babysit' there own children.

Though saying that do people really say, in real life, that they are 'parenting' their children as a reason for not being about to do something?

yeah exactly mln thats what I mean. Luckily I think its only a minority of men in this day and age that arent used to looking after their kids on their own for long periods of time. Most dads I know have the kids whilst the mums are at work, out clubbing, weekends away and regularly for hobbies going out. I think the odd men I know that dont do anything are the ones seen as weird by people not vice versa tbh.

I'm glad I'm not married to your friends husband. My BF says 'x is having the kids for me' and it drives me mad. Her DH is a great bloke and has a very active and expensive social life. They both work similar hours and I don't understand why he needs more free time. It is her 'job' to get up with the kids in the night.