to think that the children are not just the woman's "job" and a man is not "helping" if he helps with his kids?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

So many friends of mine refer to their DH/DPs as "helping with the kids". A friend of mine was ill at the weekend and her DH (after much persuasion) took their children out for a few hours so that she could rest. She said that he'd been so good, helping out with the children at the weekend. WTF! They are his kids!

Another friend has just been on holiday with her husband and children. She said her husband "helped out a bit on holiday so she couldn't complain". She then went on to say he slept on the flights there and back, leaving her to deal with the children, and spent his days laying on the sunbed whilst she supervised them. He was apparently "very good" and "helped to get them ready in the evenings and mornings" though.

My mum is as bad too. Referring to it as "babysitting" if my DH is home alone with the kids, and saying that he baths the children "for me". It infuriates me.

friend's husband

What drives me NUTS is that so many women seem to think that it's ok, and not just the older generations! Come on, sisters! :-)

*"their own kids" Ooops!!!

If I'm and and DH is asked by friends to go somewhere he'll say be can't because he's in with the boys or because I'm out and there isn't a babysitter.

He's never 'babysat' them. Not sure what he's say if anyone suggested he was, don't think he'd like it!!

It is babysitting though... of course you can baby sit your own kids, both the mother and father can do it (or indeed any other parent of any other word they might use).

You need a word to describe what one of the partners is doing at social occasions when they might both be expected to be there, or at social occasions when you might normally be expected. You're generally not parenting as you put the baby to bed and then all you do is sit - ie not go out. You can't say, "sorry I can't go out, DP is at the pub and I'm ^parenting DD^, you could say looking after, or watching, but neither are anywhere near as clear as babysitting.

Saying "baths the children for DP" is certainly crap, but babysitting, can't see the problem.

YANBU. My DH is an equal parent to DD as I am and also does as much as me around the. One of us will look after DD if the other has things to do (dinner out, business trips, socialising etc). We never question it. But other people do: "Oh aren't you lucky having a DH like him!". Er, yes, and he's lucky having a wife like me. We never expected anything less of each other. Generally it's my mother's generation who say things like this (though thankfully never my mother or MIL).

around the house.

The minute a bloke starts talking about "babysitting" their own kids , I want to slap him.

It's not babysitting if it's your own offspring .

Its called being a parent.

FredFredGeorge it's not babysitting, it's staying with due to the parental requirement of not leaving children unattended

Babysitting suggests a short absence of the responsible long term carer (that is the parent/parents or guardian) as babysitting is taking the responsibility of care temporarily. I'd say it's for this reason the vast majority of people don't call a childminder or nanny a babysitter

erm, so does anybody have any ideas how to effect attitude change in DH's once realizing that one's enlightened metrosexual has turned into neanderthal at birth? huffs

YANBU OP it makes my blood boil

"helping" and "babysitting" FFS aaargh

"Babysitting suggests a short absence of the responsible long term carer" But that's the case - with two parents both are the long term carers of the child are there, and when one of those carers leave, the other is baby sitting. Fine usage for me, rather than tell me what it's not, you need to tell me what it is - it's not parenting, you do that 24 hours a day regardless of if you're with the baby or not. It could be looking after, but that doesn't work too well and for me carries every bit as much of a "well does that mean you're not looking after the baby when the other parent is there?"

Moln, If someone said to me "Fred, you coming out tonight?" I couldn't say "Sorry, I'm staying in due to the parental requirement of not leaving DD unattended" it's gobbledygook when the perfectly well understood "Nope, babysitting" is well understood by all.

I don't get why people get so hung up on the word 'baby-sitting'.

I'm a SAHM and I use the word freely about myself if DH is out, as well as about him if I'm out. It's just a word to convey someone looking after the children to enable to the other person to go out. Nothing more or less insidious than that.

'DH is home, parenting the children' sounds ridiculous, as does 'I can't make it as DH is away and so can't parent the chidren'.

I found myself avoiding the term on purpose recently, when previously I'd just have said as a cover-all throwaway phrase which very simply conveys exactly what I mean, since I know some people get all frothy and judgmental over it...

It's not really understood by all, it might have some wondering who (as in what other parents) you were babysitting for.

"Nope, I've no babysitter" is much clearer.

Babysitting is fine when it's someone who doesn't usually look after the child that is there for the absence.

Doesn't rile me hearing the term, I just think the parent who calls looking after their own children 'babysitting' is a bit of a twerp. Same way you don't 'help' look after your children, you just look after them.

As a parent you have the responsibility of care as your normal situation, that's why parents tend to consult each other when they are thinking of doing something away from the home that can't involve the children, because if both are planning something at the same time then a babysitter is needed otherwise it's a case of 'I'll be here'

I agree with LeQueen. DH and I are a partnership. I gave up work to look after the DC and to support DH at a time when he needed to work 16 hours a day. When the dc were small although I did all the childcare and all the domestic stuff, I still wasn't working as hard as DH and never for one second resented it or expected DH to help with childcare or chores - DH didn't have the chance to have coffee with a friend, mosey round the shops or have a read when ds had a nap.

It was my job to make sure the house was clean and tidy, my job to shop, my job to cook, my job to launder, my job to make sure the dc were looked after when he wasn't there and to bath them and to read to them.

I even encouraged him to go to football on Saturdays because having had a demanding and stressful job myself I understood that he needed that release. When DS got bigger, certainly the season he was rising 4, he had his own season ticket - sad that dd was never interested in going really

It is probably a hangover form the days when women did all the housework and kids nad if dad helped at all, he was considerd good. In my family we have a strong tradition of men doing equal housework started by my grandad after his navy service in the war, when form the age of 14 in merchant navy to about 22 when he came out of royal navy he had to look aftre his own space etc. he carried this on, with cookign as well and chidlcare at weekends and evenings so my mum and aunts sort of expected that their partners would do this too, and so the ydid. A lot of it also stems form women who like to be in control so do not let go enought ot let the bloke have a go at it and build up some expertise. So, I say leave kids with dad for a couple of huors each sturday, he will get used to it, they will like it and soon parenting may be more equal

That kind of language drives me insane. When are women ever described as helping with their own children? Also drives me nuts when DH talks about helping around the house. I'm determined to raise DCs to expect proper equality.

Agree with FFG. If I am having a night out which was only ever going to be me going, DH is not babysitting. I am simply able to go out because he is available (as we both usually are) to look after the DCs. And vice versa. If, thoguh, we were invited to a wedding where we would both be expected to go, but the DCs couldn't, if we decided that one would go and one would stay behind, they would be babysitting - i.e. in place of a babysitter.

marriedinwhite - here's your medal.

Not quite sure what your post has to do with the thread, though? Your DH clearly doesn't do anything with the kids, let alone 'help'.