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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the kids are still too young to be left "home alone" at night?

63 replies

SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 19:27

My kids (boys) are aged 11 and 13. Admittedly I have left them home alone for a few hours here and there for the past couple of years. At first no longer than half an hour - gradually increasing for longer. Last summer holidays I left them from 9am until 1pm to do a half day at work. I knew for a fact they'd still be in bed (or not long awake) when I got home. They know not to answer the door, they know where the keys are, they know how to use the phone and not to touch kitchen appliances etc and I always leave them sandwiches so they're not tempted to try and make their own whilst I'm out (although to be fair most 13 year olds should be perfectly ok with making a sandwich!).

I don't leave them on a night though or late evening.

I have been invited out next friday - to the pub, just a few drinks, home by 11.30pm. I can't find a babysitter however so have declined the offer. My friends are now saying the kids will be fine here alone until I get back as I've left them longer to go to work. One of these friends works for the social services and is also saying they're old enough to be left providing I don't leave them for longer than 12 hours??!?

AIBU to think leaving them from 7pm-11.30pm for a night out is different from leaving them 9am - 1pm to work?

Or am I being stupid?

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 14/11/2011 19:29

Too young, sorry. Too much responsibility for the 13 year old.

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 19:32

I think it's fine if the boys are sensible. Why does the fact it's dark make a difference? It was dark here at 4.30pm when ds walked home from school.

StrandedBear · 14/11/2011 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PandaG · 14/11/2011 19:33

now, I am usually pretty uptight about this, but recently left DS (nearly 12) with friend's sons who are 11 and nearly 13, ffrom 8pm until about 11. Both sets of parents were round the corner at another friend's house, and in frequent text contact with clear boundaries laid down. An adult could have been there in about 4 mins in an emergency. I wouldn't leave him on his own (in the evening, I leave him for a couple of hours during the day no problem), nor would I with his sister, but with these particular sensible lads I was just about comfortable.

Almostfifty · 14/11/2011 19:33

Do you not have a neighbour you could get them to ring if there's an emergency? Or could you just go out for a couple of hours? I wouldn't have left mine that late on, but I probably would have till nineish.

marriedinwhite · 14/11/2011 19:35

I'd compromise and have a quick drink and be home before 9. They are too young to be left for longer than that. Our youngest is 13 and happy to be on her own if DH is away and DS is out but I wouldn't leave her for longer than say, two and half hours and I would be within a five minute drive home. DD is very very sensible though.

ChasingSquirrels · 14/11/2011 19:35

I think it is fine,
I wouldn't leave them 'overnight', but would leave them for those hours.

MmeLindor. · 14/11/2011 19:37

Are they just turned 11 and 13 or almost 12 and 14?

Some people go out and leave their children with 14 yo babysitters.

Why don't you go out for a short drink and be home the back of ten?

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 19:38

You know your kids, so other poster say YABU, has no basis on which to comment.
My parents left us alone from around that age and we were fine because we were sensible.
We used to watch some telly, ate the snacks they left us and then went to bed when ready.
We were fine.

Andrewofgg · 14/11/2011 19:39

Right on the cusp. It depends on the individuals and only you can say.

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 19:39

Why is it different in the evening?
Surely they'll be tired and so will just be likely to watch TV rather than during the day when they'll be wanting to be more adventurous

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 19:40

Totally depends on the kids

Do they get scared being left when it's late?

Do they fight with each other?

Original poster
SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 19:40

Thanks for the replies. To be fair I have left them for longer than this but it just seems different during the day, not sure why.

I just have visions of the police knocking on the door (for some random reason!) and the kids shouting through the letter box "sorry, mum isn't in, she's at the pub" Shock

OP posts:
HardCheese · 14/11/2011 19:41

I was certainly left in charge of my youonger siblings younger than that - and I was definitely one of the early-teenage babysitters MmeLindor mentions, but again, you know your children. It sounds fine to me, provided you aren't going to worry so much you ruin your own evening.

Original poster
SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 19:42

They don't get scared (could well imagine coming home to find DS2 sat watching Paranormal Activity or something! definitely not a fearful child!) and they probably would just stay in their rooms all night, one on the laptop, one on the xbox.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 19:44

So long as you can trust them not to have all their mates in, then I would have no problem with it. And lock up/hide any booze.

Clossaintjacques · 14/11/2011 19:45

I wouldn't they are just a little too young. I remember being left on my own at 10 (no siblings) until around midnight and I was terrified. The house was dark and I could hear every creek and noise.

worraliberty · 14/11/2011 19:45

Then I'd go OP

I take it you've all got mobiles? Communication has never been so easy as it is now.

How far away is the pub?

HardCheese · 14/11/2011 19:45

Then go out and enjoy yourself. You can get home reasonably quickly in a cab or public transport, presumably, should the need arise?

Original poster
SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 19:47

No problem with booze - my eldest thinks it should be banned (he's way more sensible than I am) and the youngest can't open wine bottles Grin

And they're both pretty reclusive so no worries about friends coming in.

OP posts:
Stupify64 · 14/11/2011 19:48

My boys're same ages & I've left them for an evening; depends on the kids as others have said. Also as hardcheese says, would you be so uptight about it that you'd just be miserable the whole time you were out?

Original poster
SmallMachine · 14/11/2011 19:49

Yes that's another thing, I often text ds1 whilst I'm out with "everything ok?" and get the usual "yeah" reply (presumably said in a bored "here she goes with the constant texts" voice. So I can keep in contact all night and can be home within 10 minutes.

OP posts:
roisin · 14/11/2011 19:51

Mine have a two year age gap and I wouldn't have left them for that length of time at that age.

They are 12.5 and 14 now and I will leave them together for up to 3 hours (day or evening), but very rarely do. I am happy to leave them for longer individually, but sometimes they argue.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 14/11/2011 19:51

What do they think about it?
I'd be ok with leaving them for a while in the evening but probably couldn't stay out as late as 11.30 without worrying.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 14/11/2011 19:51

I really think you should go, they have prooven they can be trusted in the day time, surely this would be the next step. You can call and check on them, get them a pizza and a dvd they will love the responsibility im sure. Have a great time op, you've arrived at the holy grail....a taste of freedom after DC! :)

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